The Fine Art of Introduction

Back in 2003, I got a call from Konstantin Guericke, a co-founder of LinkedIn. I didn't know it then, but I had written one of the first stories to appear in print about LinkedIn. I wrote the piece for Real Simple magazine. (I knew I had written the story, of course; I just didn't know it was one of the first stories to tell working people "You've got to be on LinkedIn!")

Konstantin invited me to visit LinkedIn headquarters, so I did. I interviewed him and heard the story of LinkedIn's founding. Konstantin said that he and his classmates at Stanford who conceived LinkedIn together called their project an Introduction Engine. They wanted to make it easy for themselves and their soon-to-be fellow MBAs to introduce one another to other people they knew.

LinkedIn is still an incredible engine for introductions. The technology works beautifully. Unfortunately, lots of people don't have the slightest idea how to ask for an introduction or how to make one. That isn't their fault. We don't teach introduction-making in school. We should! We should teach lots of interpersonal techniques and practices, but we don't.

Introductions are essential for anyone in business, as Konstantin and his crew knew even before they left grad school. When people say "It's not what you know, it's who you know" (kind of a bullshiz adage like so many others tossed around in the business world, but one with a grain of truth at its center) they are talking about the power of introductions.

The most well-connected people in the world didn't meet all of their power-network friends on their own. They were introduced to those people by folks they already knew.

If you want to understand the art of introduction, you've got to know something about social capital. Social capital is a currency, like cash or gold bars or the in-game currency my kids hit me up for when they play PC games. Social capital is real. When your friend sends you a link to a hysterically funny or heartwarming Youtube video, s/he's given you something of value that you can share with other people, passing the value along. When you introduce your friend to the coolest person you know, ditto.

When your friend texts you to say "Can you help me move to a new apartment this weekend?" he or she is spending social capital that s/he's built up with you. If you're a good friend, you're going to help your buddy move, but there's a social cost. If you owed your friend thirty dollars, for instance, you're going to assume that your thirty-dollar debt is forgiven when you bust your ass helping your friend move his book collection to his new third-floor apartment.

Social capital is the glue between people that builds communities in life and in business. We trade it and sock it away just like cash. Of course, our relationships are not just about saving and spending social capital - there is much more to them than that - but it's helpful to understand social capital, because it has everything to do with introductions.

When you're job-hunting and your newly-hired friend won't bring your resume into his new employer, you might get miffed. "What the hell?" you think. "My friend has a new job. Why won't he help me get one, too?"

Your friend isn't being a jerk. He's new at the job. He doesn't have any social capital built up there yet. They don't know him. He doesn't feel comfortable recommending you for a job only because he doesn't have any capital socked away in the Bank of His New Employer. You have to give it time.

Job-hunters, business developers and other people whose career or life situations put them in position to ask for favors can easily lose sight of the social-capital implications of their requests. That's one reason so many people make unfortunate and off-putting networking requests on LinkedIn and in the physical world. They don't mean any harm. They've just forgotten that their introduction requests can amount to spending social capital they don't have.

The diagram on the left is fundamental to understanding networking, including its sub-topic, Introductions. We use this diagram at Human Workplace when we teach networking and professional etiquette. It's called the Happy Life-o-meter (pronounced Happy Life-AW-muh-ter). This diagram springs from the Happy Life Rule, our number-one rule for anyone interested in networking.

The Happy Life Rule:

Anyone you reach out to in your networking, either directly or through a mutual contact, is already living a happy life without the benefit of knowing you.

The Happy Life Rule has big implication for networkers. When we realize that the person we're approaching with our networking overture is already living a full and happy life without benefit of knowing us (astounding, but true!) we can see that we can't charge in like a bull in a china shop.

We have to give the person we want to meet a very good reason for taking time to meet us or talk with us. We can't assume that because we need a job or we need new clients, this person who doesn't know us should drop everything and run to our aid.

Take a look at the Happy Life-o-Meter above. On the left is a plus sign. On the right is a minus side. This is what we need to keep in mind when we're networking and/or asking for introductions. Some networking overtures are positive to the recipient of our message. Some are negative. We're talking about social capital, again!

When you reach out to someone to say "I'd like to give you a million dollars," most people would see that as a positive. They'd go to lunch with you. Heck, they'd take you to lunch. If you said "I'm coming to Chicago and I have a million dollars for you, but you have to pick me up at the Greyhound bus station at two a.m." most people would say "No problem, and should I pick up some ribs for the ride home?" They'd be as flexible as Gumby.

On the other hand, if you reached out to a stranger to say "Hey, I need a million dollars, so help me out" -- on the right side of the Happy Life-o-meter -- most people would tell you to go pound sand. That's a huge request for social capital, or in this case regular old cash. It's not appropriate. Now, let's apply the Happy Life-o-Meter to the art of introductions.

When you say to your friend, "Hey, introduce me to your boss, because I have some beachfront property in Florida I want him to buy" your friend is going to tell you to jump in the lake. Your friend is going to say "Are you crazy?"

Asking your friend to introduce you to his boss (a big investment of your friend's social capital) for a cheesy sales purpose is like asking your friend for cash, and it's not appropriate. Most networking gaffes take place because the requester of the introduction forgets just how expensive his or her request is to the Connector (friend) in the middle of the deal and the Target person at the receiving end of the line.

Remember, social capital is real. Some networking overtures are completely positive to the recipient, and some are completely negative. Most are somewhere in between. We don't always know how our overture will be received. That's okay - we won't find out unless we try. But we have to be cognizant of the social capital implications of our networking actions, including our introduction requests.

Once you understand the social capital aspect of introductions, you can make much more appealing introduction requests. Let's say you're job-hunting, and you spot a terrific opportunity at Acme Explosives, a mile from your house.

You find the hiring manager for the position that jazzes you -- it's the Sales Enablement Manager for the Coyote channel - and you also see that the hiring manager, Wiley, is a first-degree connection of your good friend Frank.

You're in heaven! Wow, you think. This is my lucky day. I know Frank, and he knows Wiley. I'm in like Flint!

If you don't have social capital and the Happy Life Rule in mind, you might call Frank and say "Hey Frank! Introduce me to Wiley. I want to get that Sales Enablement job."

Frank might hem and haw. If you don't ask him about his social capital situation and his comfort level intruding on Wiley's Happy Life to make an introduction, you might frustrate yourself and annoy Frank - and never make contact with Wiley at all, and never know why. You might decide that Frank is a horrible friend and stop inviting him to your Friday night poker games.

If you stop and consider Frank's situation as a person who likes you but also values his relationship with Wiley, you'll approach the situation differently. "Frank," you might say, "I see that you know Wiley Ky O'Tee over at Acme. If you don't mind my asking, how well do you know him? Would you be comfortable making an introduction? If not, I totally understand."

You have to give Frank an out. He might be in a low-capital or no-capital situation with Wiley. They might have met one time for three minutes, or there might be weird energy between them. Anything could have happened.

We can't assume that because Frank and Wiley are first-degree connections on LinkedIn, therefore Frank is dying to introduce you to Wiley - and Wiley is dying to meet you as a result. Frank could turn out to be the world's worst conduit to Wiley. You might be better off sending a Pain Letter directly to Wiley and leaving Frank out of it. If you give your friend Frank space to tell you the truth without pushing him toward what might be an uncomfortable social-capital transaction, you'll be honoring the human side of the introduction tango.

In the Human Workplace, relationships always come ahead of transactions. If you can remember that good energy (what we call Mojo) is the real fuel behind everything important in business, you'll do fine.

Don't step on your friends' connections, don't ask your friends to do things they're not comfortable doing (social capital, remember?) and above all, don't use your friends as mere means to your job-search or networking ends. No one wants to be a pawn in someone else's game.

Value your relationships and their relationships more than you value the transaction you're hoping to make happen, keep the Happy Life Rule in mind and be aware that a request for an introduction is also an "ask" on the right side of the Happy Life-o-meter dial. As amazing as it is to know you -- and I say that from personal experience, of course -- the folks who don't know you yet haven't seen the value of association with you. Forcing your way into a relationship won't help them see that value. Letting the universe do its part at its own speed very well might.

Our company is called Human Workplace. Our mission is to reinvent work for people. That means teaching working people and job-seekers to take charge of their careers, set a direction that grows their flame and brand themselves for the frame they've built for their future. It means helping employers rethink and rewrite HR and leadership practices with a human voice.

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