How to Say No Gracefully
Saying no to a senior leader or customer seems almost unthinkable, even laughable, for many people. However, when saying yes is going to compromise your ability to make the highest contribution, it is also your obligation. We would expect a CFO to push back on a CEO if they felt the decision being made was wrong. Indeed, we would see it as their fiduciary responsibility.
The problem for many of us, however, is that saying no can be incredibly awkward. So much so that we say yes by default and then regret it afterwards. Still, it can be done graciously.
As just one example, E.B. White said no graciously, and with some humor, in a letter dated September 28, 1956. He wrote:
Dear Mr. Adams,
Thanks for your letter inviting me to join the committee of the Arts and Sciences for Eisenhower.
I must decline, for secret reasons.
Sincerely,
E.B.White
White’s response illustrates a simple template we can adapt it to every request you want to say no to. There are three steps to it:
Step 1: Affirm the relationship. e.g. "It really is good to hear from you."
Step 2: Thank the person sincerely for the opportunity. e.g. "Thank you ever so much for thinking of me! It sounds like such a brilliant project. I am complimented that you thought of me."
Step 3: Decline firmly and politely. e.g.For several reasons I need to pass on this at the moment.
Saying no is like any other skill: it can be improved through practice. Start practicing with a relatively trivial request, like a lunch invitation you have received in email. Over time build up until saying no becomes easy. It may be the most useful skill you ever develop. Because it's only by saying no to things that aren't really meaningful that we have the space and energy to concentrate on the things that are.
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Photo: OJO Images / Getty Images
Product Management | Product Strategy | Ex-Bloomberg | Ex-Microsoft | IIM Calcutta
7 年Many times, people trivialise your asks and take you for granted. Normally , not getting the right response after asking for 3 times is where I draw the line. When with enough grace time they continue to do the same thing, it is time for the trail to go cold and to go cold turkey.
Risk & Compliance Analyst | Communications Specialist | Project Manager
7 年Many don't feel comfortable saying no for fear of disappointing the boss.
Project Management / Operations/ visa and consular services domain expertise.
7 年Follow the Stoics!!
Software & Security Professional
9 年I dont think this really address how to say no to a senior manager. How would you say no graciously to a senior manager if you answer plain no for secrest reasons you may just get fired?