Why These Happiness “Boosters” Might Actually Make You Feel Worse

Everyone has a few tricks for beating the blues. It turns out, however, that several of the most popular strategies don’t actually work very well in the long term. Beware if you are tempted to try any of the following:

1. Comforting yourself with a “treat.” Often, the things we choose as “treats” aren’t good for us. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt, loss of control, and other negative consequences just deepen the lousiness of the day. So when you find yourself thinking, “I’ll feel better after I have a pint of ice cream…a cigarette…a new pair of jeans,” ask yourself – will it really make you feel better? It might make you feel worse. Try to have a menu of small treats to give yourself. In particular, beware of…

2. Letting yourself off the hook. I’ve found that I sometimes get a real happiness boost from giving something up, quitting something, or breaking a bad habit. When you’re feeling down, you might be tempted to let yourself off the hook, to think, “I’ll allow myself to skip my run today, I need a break.” In fact, sticking to a resolution will boost your sense of self-esteem and self-control. So NOT letting yourself off the hook might do more to boost your happiness. I often let myself off the hook by being very messy — “I’m too agitated to deal with putting these papers away now” — but then the disorder just makes me feel more overwhelmed and anxious.

3. Turning off your phone. Studies show that extroverts and introverts alike get a mood boost from connecting with other people. Although it can be tempting to isolate yourself when you’re feeling unhappy, you’re better off making plans with friends or family.

4. Venting your negative emotions. Many people believe in the “catharsis hypothesis” and think that expressing anger is healthy-minded and relieves their feelings. Not so. Studies show that expressing anger aggressively only aggravates it; as Plutarch observed, “Anger, while in its beginning, often can be ended by silence, or neglect.” I’ve certainly found this to be true; once I get going, I can whip myself into a fury. It’s better to behave calmly.

5. Staying in your pajamas all day. One of the most helpful things I’ve learned in my happiness research is that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. As improbable as this sounds, it really works. Sometimes it can be fun to hang out in your sweats all day, but if you’re feeling lethargic, powerless, or directionless, not getting dressed is going to make you feel worse. Put on your clothes — including your shoes — so you feel prepared for whatever the day might offer. While you’re at it, make your bed.

6. Having a drink. Alcohol affects people differently, and even if you don’t have a drinking problem, alcohol can still be a drag on your happiness. Speaking for myself, alcohol is not a happiness-booster. I more or less gave up drinking because I realized that even just one glass of wine or a beer made me feel belligerent and indiscreet — and then desperately sleepy. Don’t assume that a drink will help you unwind, or feel more convivial — it sure doesn’t have that effect on me.

Have you ever tried to cheer yourself up using a strategy that just made you feel worse, in the end? Or what are more effective ways to beat the blues?

To read more about the downside of happiness boosters, check out Happier at Home, chapter six.

--Want a copy of my Resolutions Chart, to help get yourself started with your own resolutions? Email me at [email protected].

(Photo: assbach, Flickr)

Christina Mada

BUSINESS OFFICE MANAGER AT KINDRED HOSPITAL SOUTH BAY/TRI-CITY

11 年

Interesting

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Maysam Saab Richani

MA Psychoanalysis - BA Journalism - 20 years of Community Work

11 年

Ms Rubin, this offered a precious lesson and gave me profound insight. Thank you

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Francine Regnier

Activity Coordinator

11 年

I heartily agree with the truths you have mentioned. Once in a while I find I do need to have a P.J. day ..... but I go into it knowing that I am taking a day to look after myself and I have a plan (stop the mindless, beat the clock running we do everyday). I have a wonderful shower and pamper myself with no rushing, give myself a sugar scrub and use my favorite moisturizer every where, instead of just on the dry spots. I deep moisturize my hair, dab my favorite perfume on, put on my favorite P.J,s or my really comfy workout stretchies. I plan wonderful fresh food for the day, and perhaps a favorite movie (The Way We Were) or a great book (The Happiness Project). I may perhaps try one of the ideas I have pinned on pintrest, like make my own yogurt in a crockpot or a hand made card for my 2 yr.old nephew. I make the bed and straighten the couch up .... get one little nagging job, such as organizing my home bookcase/ office, done so that I can feel good about my day ..... But more than one day of this will turn into a blue day ...... I absolutely agree, as you suggest that if you are having a P.J. day because you are feeling blue, P.J. day will just amplify the sadness. That is the time to really get outside. I find that when I am able to get outside, in the fresh air, take off my shoes (weather permitting) and wiggle my toes in some grass, I can breathe and meditate on how grateful I am, and I am rejuvenated.Ad Boyd J. suggests any thing that makes you sweat .... as well as Elena Perron's ACTION is the best cure, will help eliminate a blue day Ha ha ha , I was planning on sending you a quick little note to ask if you would send me your Resolutions chart, and instead I jumped into my P.J.s. Now I need to go organize my bookcase ..... I would love to check out your chart, and am excited to see it, thank you for offering it.

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Kalandoro Tjitra Siantar

Entrepreneur, non executive trust partnership at PT. Aneka Metal Industry

11 年

It implies the word by itself "BOOSTERS" . . . . No sustainable HAPPINESS. 急功近利, 好景不常在呀。

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Elena Perron

Head of FP&A at Redfin

11 年

Thank you for the article, Gretchen. I completely agree with these. In fact, I find that ACTION is usually the best cure to whatever ails you in business and in life.

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