Identify the Script Behind Your Emotional Hijacks

Dr. Goleman, I thank you for sharing your work which I have been following for sometime now. I know from experience, that there is a difference between compensation skills and actual functional anatomy development. For example, the ability to be mindful and professional in all contexts, at work and at home, under extremes of pressure and stress, will eventually manifest into ones abilities in emotional intelligence as the baseline of skill. I will put it in plain english, I was able to be more mindful, present at work when conflict arose and I would put in practice certain processes that could enable a positive outcome, but not everyone could see or understand what this was, other than to challenge authority tatics. Over time, the lack of attention to definite and distressing circumstances, led to a complete breakdown of trust and safety in the workplace and being a female in a man's world where being honest about emotions and consequences of negligence eventually caused the baseline to emerge as the legitimate cause of conflict. Emergence in this scenario is maladaptive behavior. While a healthy workplace may provide an opportunity to further develop these essential skills, the polar opposite is certainly plausible. Over time the fight or flight brain systems when engaged are like entrained patterns and the resulting changes rooted epigentics, not genetic determinism. This pattern is a deadly combination for further brain damage caused by untethered stress loads and where conflict resolution is non-existent, the possiblity for life long disability is more than real. I am not feminist by definition but I am interested in fairness and to ensure that others understand how important this topic is as it relates to long-term health. It is critical in this day and age to set parameters on stress, that which is acceptable practice and what is not and to offer all levels in organizations opportunities to become more self aware. To help leaders and managers develop these skills because the patterns which are mirrored by most are usually coming from somewhere near the top of authority in command. I recall hearing a podcast with yourself and Mr. Senge regarding the "Triple Focus" and that the indigenous worldview and storytelling was a good method for teaching children in school about the three areas of focus. I agree that this would be helpful, the traits of our tradtional culture of mindfulness - being present to listen without judgement, to all perspectives and to find common ground a core aspect of who we are. Knowing that our words possess energy and carry implications is quite a different worldview which it seems the world at large is beginning to see and this is very encouraging. I thank you again for the opportunity to discuss this important work.

In the course of digesting numerous contributions made to Coleman’s Mindful work, I came to awareness that a componential part that controls mind agility is continuously left out of the emotional intelligence equation (EIE). My metrics of self indicates that the mind wobbles when equilibration with the spirit erodes. Needless to mention body balance since the body stability depends on mind and spirit coordination! Years of self-analysis reveal that whenever my spirit feels perturbed about nothing, the mind floats. When the mind floats, my body resonates with mistakes that characterize my emotional intelligence. The EIE goes to an inequality state. I am not sure I have a witness here regarding similar experiences. In self-correction, I pull myself back into self-analysis, meditation and reinforced self-discipline (action, speech, diet, thoughts and physical fitness). Getting mindful of the spirit activates controls on emotional intelligence. I try this at work, home, relationships and public leadership management.

"Strong feelings do not necessarily make a strong character. The strength of a man is to be measured by the power of the feelings he subdues, not by the power of those which subdue him." "We are confined in our understanding of other human beings by what we know about ourselves." "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." -Carl G. Jung "Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory." -Ben Franklin "A stupid person gives vent to all his feelings, But the wise one calmly keeps them in check." -Proverbs 29:11 "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." -Marcus Aurelius "Act nothing in a furious passion; it is putting to sea in a storm. "– Thomas Fuller "Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any time." And, of course, this one is definitely one of my favorites: "Be careful not to believe what you think."

I have been interested in this subject for all of my conscious life. (I am 48) I have been buffeted by and sensitive to the winds of anger, and the temporary insanity that ensues when someone I am close to is hijacked. I have a long fuse, but it seems like I often pay the price for the short fuses of others. My journey has led me to a career working with severely disturbed children and involvement (on a volunteer basis) with the prison system. In fact, I now have, as one of my dearest friends, someone who committed murder and is now serving a life-sentence. Together, we informally study neuroscience. Inside of the Oregon Women's Prison, there are endless opportunities to analyze the subject of uncontrolled emotion. Among the many resources that I enjoy, one way I like to harness complicated concepts is to store them in nutshells. I will post a few favorites above this post.

We need a translation in spanish