Who is Your Least Preferred Co-Worker?

We've all met them — those individuals who seem to drive us to the workplace "brink". They have an uncanny ability to "push our buttons" and leave stress in their wake. They might talk over us at meetings, openly criticize our work or simply suffer from a chronic negative attitude. They have a unique power to sully our day, leaving us with brewing anger or lingering resentment. (The "fallout" can persist long after we've left the office.) We all have a certain brand of co-worker that "gets under our skin" — and we struggle to happily co-exist. But, how do we manage our experiences with these individuals going forward?

Being fully productive in our roles involves examining all aspects of our work lives — both the good and the bad. For each of us, there exists a type or profile of co-worker that causes us to become uncomfortable. While we might desire to avoid these individuals, our only productive option is to act and attempt to limit future problems. (Interestingly, a leadership theory proposed by Fred Fiedler tangentially touched on this topic. An early exploration into leader-situation match, it proposed the "least preferred co-worker" scale. The LPC scale assessed leader perceptions toward the individual they had found most difficult to work with.)

It is possible to impact these challenging co-worker situations for the better. First, we must acknowledge the issue and believe we have the right to a happier work life. (If you are still mulling over a troublesome interaction days later, it is likely time to do something.) Secondly, we need to accept that we may never fully understand the reasons behind the less than ideal dynamic. You probably cannot change your co-worker — as they have their own history However, you can have a "sit down" with yourself and adjust your strategy going forward.

Some steps to consider:

• Identify the offender. Sometimes it is difficult to acknowledge that a fellow co-worker has become a real problem. However, you'll recognize there is a problem by the way an individual makes you feel and behave. For example, you might question your value when we are in their company or feel uncomfortable in some other way. (Some describe "clamming up" whenever they enter a room, others describe feeling stressed when the individual's name is mentioned).
• De-bunk their power. Zero in on the emotions that you feel when you are in their presence and try to identify what is feeding your aversion. What are your feeling when you are around them? Are you annoyed? Angered? What specific behaviors are you responding to?
• Examine your reactions. Often we give up any control of a situation by accepting the dynamic as unchangeable. As a result, we react in the same manner repeatedly. How do you normally respond to the individual? Is your typical pattern to avoid the offender, become nervous or suffer in silence? Take note of your script.
• Change the script. Consider what you might say, or how you could act, to help modify the tenor of the relationship for the better. You might explain to them how they make you feel, or develop a response that could end the cycle. For example: "I would appreciate if we could discuss your problems with my work privately going forward." or "I'm happy to help you out from time to time, but this isn't possible when I have a deadline." Whatever this might be, rehearse your response. When the opportunity presents itself you'll be more prepared.

What type of individual is your least preferred co-worker? How have you handled the situation? Share your advice.

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist. She also writes The Office Blend.

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