A Life Lesson from Reality TV

Many have said this was a huge career mistake. But I learned an important life lesson from my reality TV experience- one that’s applicable to all of us.

10 years a

go, I spent my summer filming and appearing as a contestant on FOX’s cult hit reality television show, Paradise Hotel. Though I appeared on 29 of 30 episodes, and nearly won the show, I also embarrassed myself, was rejected on national TV, was associated with trashy guilty-pleasure television, and was subject to ridicule by the models and hunks on the show and their fans at home. Instead of creating real value, as I do each day now as a CEO, author and speaker, some would say I wasted away that summer and the three months thereafter- months I spent in Los Angeles as a D-list celebrity pursuing Hollywood-personality/hosting dreams.

It all started at a casting call in Boston in April 2003. I met the casting group at a bar, and after recently having tried to get over an unrequited love for a married office-mate named Carrie, I decided to give the show a chance. I went through a series of auditions and finally was selected to be on the show. I truly thought I might meet the love of my life on the show, and figured either way I’d have an interesting, memorable experience.

The premise of the show was to showcase sexy singles at a luxury resort, (and me), trying to “hook up or check out,” or rather, partner up with a member of the opposite sex and stay at the hotel as long as possible. My friends back home warned me, whatever I did, not to drink too much. That warning lasted all of 6 hours, as my first day at the Hotel brought up intense nerves, which unfortunately I solved with 13 Rum and Diet-Cokes.

That first night, I said a bunch of very embarrassing things, things that normally you’d recover from the next day- but in this case, things that were broadcast to millions of people and talked about for months. In the weeks that followed, I proceeded to have some good moments for sure- and some, difficult, memorable ones. I felt at times challenged, embarrassed, humiliated, alone, and depressed. I made it to the final scene, and nearly won $250,000. My summer also included this interesting moment, which was named by E Entertainment Television as the 22nd most outrageous moment in TV history:

I had some tough times, both while filming the show as well as afterwards, when the show aired and I had access to message boards, forums, and magazines. It was pre-Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, so people didn’t have those outlets to talk in- but they did have the message boards on Fox.com, and many people said some really nasty, hurtful things about me. Just a few examples of what I was called online: “homely”, “ugly”, “evil”, “a liar”, and “a ruthless bastard.”

I tried to avoid reading it all, but it was difficult. What had I done to deserve that?

I’ve always been someone who likes being liked (Who doesn’t, right?”) and always had a hard time taking criticism, but this was a whole new level of criticism, dislike and outright hatred to deal with. Even if I was pseudo-famous, I felt absolutely miserable.

I distinctly remember calling up the show’s therapist Kris (Yes, the show had its own therapist, for contestants to talk to) and asking him, “What do I do about all the people who post mean things about me, or even point and whisper when I walk down the street?

I’ll never forget how Kris responded to me. “Two questions, for you Dave, “ he said:

“One: Just how many people in the world do you need to like you to be happy and then, Two: If those people all liked you, how would you know?”

It was incredibly insightful wisdom, which not only made me feel better at the time, but which has served me since many times.

Today, ten years after Paradise Hotel, I still love being liked, and I still have times where I crave being liked by everyone. Heck, I even named my first two companies Likeable Media and Likeable Local. But Paradise Hotel and my experience afterwards helped to teach me this essential fact of life, and leadership:

No matter what you do, not everyone will like you. And that’s okay.

As a leader, I try to make decisions everyday that will most benefit our customers, our staff and our investors. But with every decision, there may be some left unhappy. To some, I may be unlikeable, no matter what I do. But as long as I live my life with integrity, and with these 11 simple concepts to be a better leader, then that’s okay too.

Was going on Paradise Hotel a career mistake? Maybe. But the real mistake wasn't going on the show - it was thinking that I could get everyone to like me.

And in addition to the free food, drinks, luxury living and D-list celebrity status, I learned one of the most important lessons of my life. And remember Carrie, that unrequited love I had gone on the show to get over? Well, she got divorced to her first husband months after the show, and we began dating. Today, we're happily married with two beautiful girls and two companies between us. So, just maybe, it was the best mistake I ever made.

----

Now it's your turn. What mistakes have you made throughout your career? And more important, what lessons have you learned from those mistakes? Let me know in the comments section below - and here's to always learning from our mistakes, whether they're on TV or not.

-----

Dave Kerpen is the founder and CEO of Likeable Local. He is also the co-founder and Chairman of Likeable Media, and the New York Times-bestselling author of Likeable Social Media and Likeable Business, and the new collection, Likeable Leadership. To read more from Dave on LinkedIn, please click the FOLLOW button above or below.

Want to learn about how to grow your business using social media in 2 minutes? Click here.

Photo Credit: The photo at the top is from FOX / Today.com