Paradoxes of Happiness: the Sadness of a Happiness Project
Gretchen Rubin
6x NYT Bestselling Author | Host of the "Happier with Gretchen Rubin" Podcast | Pre-order "Secrets of Adulthood," out April 1st
I think everyone could benefit from a happiness project.
But there’s also a sad side to a happiness project, which comes directly from the first and most important of my Twelve Commandments: “Be Gretchen.”
Being Gretchen, and accepting my true likes and dislikes, means that I have to face the fact that I will never want to visit a jazz club at midnight or pack up to go fly-fishing on a spring dawn. I love diet soda and refuse to try foie gras.
Now, you might think – “Well, okay, but why does that make you sad? You don’t want to visit a jazz club at midnight anyway, so why does it make you sad to know that you don’t want to do that? If you wanted to, of course you could.”
It makes me sad for two reasons. First, it makes me sad to realize my limitations. The world offers so much!–and I'm too small to appreciate it. The joke in law school was: “The curse of Yale Law School is to try to die with your options open.” Which means — at some point, you have to pursue one option, which means foreclosing other options, and to try to avoid that is crazy. Similarly, to be Gretchen means to let go of all the things that I am not — to acknowledge what I don’t encompass.
But it also makes me sad because, in many ways, I wish I were different. One of my Secrets of Adulthood is “You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.” I have a lot of notions about what I wish I liked to do, of the subjects and occupations that I wish interested me. But it doesn’t matter what I wish I were like. I am Gretchen.
Now, you might say again, “Why does all this make you sad? Rejoice in what you are; be authentic,” etc., etc. But it does make me feel sad sometimes.
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(Photo: Tilemahos Efthimiadis, Flickr)
Business Consultant - Sales, Marketing, Business Process
11 年Gretchen, I see your point but ... the funniest comment is from Erik S (below). "Jazz Clubs ... dank and seedy...everyone is Waldo... listen to songs that have been done to death.... "I like jazz, but I get the same feeling sometimes. Maybe you're not missing anything at all. Which is the point? Do you really want to stand out in a river freezing with a fly rod? I fly fish once in a while ... but I pick the day ... when it's sunny whether I catch fish or not - which makes me much happier!
Corporate at PRFC
12 年As a person who lives for jazz considering it the mother of all music, one who has travelled the country to meet an experience, some of the most amazing musician who bring pure joy to those who are listening. Those also like myself that will go anywhere, anytime to hear it, Gretchen you are sad for one reason, You gotta go an I've it trust me will change your appreciation of jazz .
Writing and Editing Professional
12 年I. Agree with you .there are things and moments that make you sad. It happens with me also.i feel sad that I can't do a thing which I want to like going to movies in late night show,or can not do things which I like to do.many social and security are there because of which I can not do my desired things.