Vulnerability: A Good Networking Tactic?
J.T. O'Donnell
Founder & CEO, Work It DAILY | Board of Directors, McCoy | Career & Professional Development | Job Search | HR & Recruiting | Employer Branding | Recruitment Marketing | Talent Management | Executive Coaching
I've had an interesting on-going dialog this week with one of my job-seeking clients about her challenges with networking. Here's a short part of the go-between:
Client: Hey JT, I was just thinking. What is your take on being vulnerable during networking, or when doing info interviews? I feel like I have a big problem with being vulnerable. I look at it as a weakness and it doesn't come naturally to me. But, sometimes I feel if I could be vulnerable, maybe people could relate with me. Does that make sense?
Me: I think you need to be objective, not vulnerable. It's important to be able to say, "I've got skills and knoweledge gaps I want to improve upon." Or, "I've come to recognize I need more information and experience in this area." But, I wouldn't be self-deprecating and say, "I know I'm not smart enough for this," or "I'm sure I'm not qualified to be considered for this," because phrasing it this way implies defeat or defect. If vulnerability means lowering your opinion of yourself, then you could risk coming across as needy - the very thing you don't want to do! But, if vulnerability means being fair and honest about your abillities, and then opening up to someone and asking for help as a way to improve them, then I think that's a smart move. You have to believe in yourself and your ability to experience, learn, and grow.
Client: Hmmm... Anyone who is successful in their career, has likely had help from someone else, right? I think it's networking. It's a hard skill to master. I hate to admit this - but, in my mind I feel weak when I ask for someone's help. It's so hard for me to do. The networking approach you've taught me is a revelation in itself. It's definitely a disruptive process. I have been analyzing myself and I think it's hard for me to depend on others, especially when I know I can't give them anything in return right now. But, I can see this networking approach working. I am feeling less and less bad about connecting with people and asking for help.
Me: Good - you shouldn't feel bad. It's so important that we learn to ask for help - and feel okay about it! You will "job-it-forward" at some point in the future and repay their kindness. You know you will - so keep that in mind as you are reaching out.
How do you ask for help? (And feel okay with it.)
I think many of us can appreciate where this job seeker is coming from. Don't we all want to find a way not to appear needy when asking for help? Especially, when we know the help is what we need to succeed.
- What do you do to justify asking for help?
- Do you think that there is a "right" and "wrong" way to be vulnerable in networking?
If you want to read more of what I've written, check out my articles on Inc.com.
P.S. - First time reading my posts? Thanks for taking the time to stop by! Not only do I write for Linkedin, but I'm also founder of a popular career advice site,CAREEREALISM,and currently run the career coaching program,CareerHMO. I hope you'll check them both out!
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CAREEREALISM’s Founder, J.T. O’Donnell is a nationally syndicated career expert and workplace consultant who helps American workers of all ages find greater professional satisfaction. Her book, CAREEREALISM: The Smart Approach to a Satisfying Career, outlines her highly successful career-coaching methodology. Purchase her e-book of CAREEREALISM for only $9.95 by clicking here !
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Strategic PMM/GTM Exec, Player/Coach, & Trusted Advisor | AI/ML, Cloud, Data & Security SME | Energize & Align Teams, Attract Key Audiences | Beat Competitors, Cement Your Position as a Visionary, Dominate Your Market!
9 年Asking for an information interview is not necessarily saying you are vulnerable. If anything, it shows you are being thorough and want to make an intelligent decision regarding your career - who could possibly find that to be a bad thing?
Strategic Marketing, Global Pharma Events & Project Management Executive
9 年good article. I look at vulnerable as being weak too. Your ultimate goal during networking is to develop relationships and hope over time that connection can help you or visa versa.
Zoning & Planning Administrator/ MS4 at Municipality in Allegheny County
10 年If there is any way that I can help someone I meet through my connections or knowledge of the subject at hand, I will do it. I feel they would do the same for me. Perhaps I am overly optimistic about the goodness of mankind, or I just know a lot of really wonderful people. Everyone is vulnerable in my way of thinking.
I believe that teamwork, sharing values and smashing goals (big or small) are the keys to success
11 年I think it is so important to choose your words wisely and I like the examples that you have stated above. I have known a few close friends in my life that imply defeat or defect right away, even after accomplishing something and I find it very frustrating and it almost takes the positivity out of the situation. At the same time I think it is important to recognise what you need to improve on but set it out in a way where you can actually start making those improvements and reaching those goals instead of wallowing in what you can't do. I also think that individuals shouldn't look at vulnerability as a weakness when it comes to networking because the soul purpose of attending these events is to establish connections, share ideas and experiences and common interests. We shouldn't be worried so much about someone judging us for our weaknesses because most likely that other person is experiencing the exact same feeling! You need to break the ice somewhere in order to establish connections, and people will remember you better for your honesty in networking situations than trying to appear like a phony or someone that you are not.
I Travel ...Formerly Insurance/Law/Executive Assistant/Litigation Assistant/Claims
12 年Great post.