20 Things I Learned In My 20s

I had written some notes about different lessons I have taken in life through books, experience, and observation. For months I have been going through them to remind me that the process of learning those lessons is not a linear graph. What I love about learning is that once you become open to it, you will always find a way to challenge the previous beliefs or improve them. Here are some simple bitter-sweet truths I have enjoyed tasting until now.

1. Balance is everything. There is no definition of a good life and no formula to what is right or wrong in the grey area of life. But, if we would invent one, it would be the attempt to achieve and maintain a golden mean for things. This golden mean is personal.

2. Wu Wei. The action of non-action. No matter what you do, the effort you give to things, will not always produce a fair result. Often we feel the disappointment of the poor results in a try-hard task or the blissful unpredicted outcome from a piece of work we didn't put any effort on. That is because life is 'unfair' and does not use human units. One should get adjusted to this and take the journey easy. Whatever belongs to you, will be part of your life and what does not, will find its way to leave your door even though you tried hard to keep it closed.

3. Stop educating people. We always try to help those we love, advise them and convince them towards our truths. This is a selfish, not a very well-thought action driven by our emotions and the need to be protective. The desire to educate those we love is in itself good once we do this without any interference in other's decision-making. Everyone is tempted to do this and if possible replace somebody in their decision-making process. However, this is a hidden necessity to change people and this can stop their own process of learning. Allow others to go wrong. Tell them your opinion, testimony and share your journey. But, remember that maybe life wants to teach them something different from you, this time. ;)

4. You may not know how is it like doing what you love, but doing something you do not like is the worst decision in life. This is not always applicable, because lots of people have to do things they do not enjoy in order to survive. However, try to avoid doing things that you do not like as much as possible. Make the best out of your time to figure oneself out and learn skills that fit you better.

5. Jumping to conclusions is not the best exercise you can possibly learn. Just because two things happened simultaneously does not mean we can find any correlation in them. Looking at the big picture of a situation takes more time and effort, but it is worth it.

6. Learn to challenge your paradigm of life. Try to exercise yourself rethinking two things you believe in. Set two hypotheses. One is as if your claim is true and the other as if it is not. Research both of them. You will also challenge the algorithm of your Google search suggestions this way. ;)

7. Being wrong is better than staying wrong and proud. Humble yourself and you will learn that some things you had no information about can make you change your mind. The ability to change your mind is intellectual prosperity.

8. Be grateful for the things you have now. If you focus on things you do not have you will never, ever have enough, right? Nobody over Earth's surface is full of everything. It is all a state of mind.

9. Fight gently toward your happiness.

10. Money is important because it gives you financial independence but you have to enter the bubble of the economy as a free human being, not as a being seeking freedom.

11. If somebody loves you, you will know, by their actions. In love, of any kind, there is no confusion.

12. There is no such world without problems. There are tons. But there are only two ways we can react to problems: either giving a damn or not. The dilemma is which problems are worth giving one.

13. Real is rare. In a world full of advertisements, social media pictures, and the human insane need to seek perfection, it is only one ultimate thing people will seek in human relationships, that of being real.

14. Being, not doing. Yes, being. Certainly coming into peace with oneself. Existing. Experiencing. Feeling. That is what a being should fight for, being.

15. Communicate your feelings and opinions. Healthy relationships start by communicating and not fearing the hard talk.

16. Failing is not a destination, it is a sign. Your journey in life will be just like driving a car. You know only two things: you are the driver and you know the rules. If you fail in something, it does not necessarily mean you are bad at doing it. It is just a sign of 'work harder to succeed next time '.

17. Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparing yourself to other people is an unconscious process that nobody can stop. But, everybody has to learn how to compare and set fair comparison units. Yes, there are people that are better than you. There always will be. Punto! The way you should react to this is either envy/belittle them or get inspired to improve yourself. Don't forget that there are other people that are worse off than you. Be compassionate and kind to yourself and others.

18. Make plans but leave some space for change. Attaching to my plans has been a path to motivate myself towards acting upon them. Wasn't the pandemic crisis a reminder that there is no absolute certainty? Plans can be destroyed and that is a fact.

19. Every lesson you learn the hard way, has to be put into practice each day. Nobody failed, learned from this, and became an expert that never repeated the mistake again. Well, this rarely happens. You have to learn and practice each day. There will be moments you find yourself stepping back. It is part of the process, kindly and gently accept it and adapt to it.

20. Your 20s is not about settling, it is about knowing yourself. I often feel lost and unfocused. I have no clear idea of what I am going to do in life. That is totally okay. This is the age of getting as much experience as possible, trying new things, and taking new risks. Everything that gets you out of your comfort zone is progress.