20-Somethings: Feeling Confused? That's A Good Thing. Here's?Why

All of us sometimes feel confused and unsure about our direction in life — especially when we’re young.

We wonder whether we have what it takes to achieve the goals we’ve set or to maintain the relationships we value. Whether we can be the kind of man or woman we really desire to be. Then we begin to question skills and attributes we’d once been confident about. Confusion starts to mingle with that self-doubt to create a toxic cocktail of frustration.

But whether you’re 17 or 70, here’s the good news: all this is normal. Confusion is a universal component of life.

In fact, it’s actually a good thing.

Here’s why.

When we feel confused, it’s a sign we’re pushing ourselves to be better.

It’s a sign we’re pushing ourselves to grow. When we try something new, fail spectacularly, and wonder after what the hell we were doing — although in the moment we feel awful — ultimately, that experience helps us learn. It helps us improve.

Wisdom, in this way, is hard won, and confusion is a requirement for it.

I’m writing about this now because it’s something I’ve had to remind myself of often throughout my life. At each stage of meaningful progression — after I barely graduated high school, for example, or when I became an entrepreneur for the first time, or when I grappled over whether to divorce my wife — I’ve battled confusion and anger. I felt close to certain, each time, that I was destined for failure. But I kept going. And I didn’t fail. I became better.

When we feel confusion, it’s a sign we’re not settling.

There’s a reason, I think, that we feel most confused and anxious about our lives when they’re on the brink of big change.

Confusion is an indicator of growth.

So, embrace it. When you feel it, it’s a sign you’re brave enough not to accept your current standing in life. It’s a sign you’re brave enough not to listen to the naysayers who’ve encouraged your self-doubt by saying, “You’re right, you’re not good enough to start that company,” or, “You’re right, there’s no way you should be writing this book.”

Those who lack ambition to better themselves? They might not feel this kind of confusion, the kind you may be feeling now. Rather, they’re more likely a little jaded by their complacency.

Confusion, in that sense, doubles as a sign that you’re moving in the right direction — which is away from the less-ambitious version of yourself you may have been in the past.

Feeling confusion is a part of the process of figuring out what it is you really want to do.

And this, ultimately, is why all of us should embrace confusion, sit with it, and try and use it to our advantage. Yes, that we feel it is a sign we’re moving in the right direction and not giving into complacency, but it’s also simply part of the process of better understanding our true ambitions.

To try something new and after the fact end up confused and angry if we fail is an unmovable part of finding out what, exactly, we like, what we’re good at, and who we should look to as mentors.

You can use confusion, in this sense, to gauge how close you are after each new attempt to better yourself at finding the thing you really want to do — the strategy that works, the pursuit that makes you the happiest. The less of it you feel, the more certainty you’ll have that you’re on the right path.

Success leaves clues, after all. When you happen upon a means of improvement that works for you, or when you find the profession or career that just feels right for you, if you keep your eyes open, you’ll see supporting signs.

For example, say you’re starting a company, and you’re having trouble acquiring customers. You’re confused as to why. You try out four new acquisition strategies. Three don’t seem to work at all, but one does. It helps you land a customer. Logic would suggest you try that strategy again, right?

Here’s the problem, though: our brains aren’t wired to embrace confusion and use it to improve.

So what that means is — even if what I’ve written here resonates with you in a really powerful way — you have to consciously and actively work to embrace confusion in your life. You have to resist the impulse to give into it and allow it to produce sadness and dejection inside of you.

It’s on you to turn your confusion into excitement and utilize it as information as opposed to just evidence of your supposed shortcomings.

The first step? Remind yourself: this is normal. It’s a sign I’m not settling. It’s a sign I’m going the right way.

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