20 Minutes of Sanity: Resignations, Rescissions, and Resets - Navigating Life's Rollercoaster #23

Where do I begin.

It's been a week y'all. Maybe longer since my last journal entry. I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster considering the job, school, parenting, and even marriage. Some ups, some downs, but nonetheless a thrill.

First of all, I resigned from my job. I did. And tomorrow morning, I'm going to rescind this resignation. WILD, right!? I've had many deliberative and supportive conversations over the last 7 – 10 days from my teammates in my department, to my company leader and HR lead. Even board members have chimed in. Not to say every conversation has been, "stay, stay!", but rather, every conversation has led me to this decision.

I am tasked with this mission for this moment, I cannot give up on the mission. I don't love the fact that I've gone through this up and down scenario, but I do love that I've come this far and still have faith that I'm making the right decision by staying. To be honest, and many at the job know, I never wanted to resign in the first place (by the way, this is some real, nonprofit fundraiser, bullcrap I'm spitting right now, but it's my truth—we go through serious burnout, I mean often...). So, I'm just keeping it real and letting y'all know that I love what I get to do for a living and just want peace of mind while doing it.

Here's to peace. LOL.

School. Kicking my anus—I have three assignments due that I'm seriously about to get an incomplete on. They are all related to two interviews that I just have not been able to pin down. I know, I know...folks are about to be shocked and get on my tail about my school work, but truly, it's not easy going through doctoral studies (esp. with all the other stuff going on in my (or anyone in this position's) life). Sometimes things slip—and that's okay. I just think I have to be real with myself and my readers. I have not wanted to share this, but here we are. The work will get done. I actually (finally) just secured one of the interviews for tomorrow—it's with a congressman. I mean, my people are BUSY, but still, that's no excuse. That said, I've been in communication with my instructor and asked for the extension/incomplete. I know y'all. My current three point eight something GPA may suffer, but my pride won't. Neither will my integrity.

I recognize the season is changing and with that moods and actions tend to change too. For better or for worse, I have to watch this as a trigger for my own mental wellness. I remember being in grad school at Penn and October specifically was hard time for me. I'll need to be mindful of this and practice the tools I was given from the leaders of their African American Resource Center.

Home life is the upside. My boys went home to Michigan for fall break with my side of the family and it looks like they had a ball. I love my mom so much for her care and willingness to break up the monotony every semester for an extended stay. Alex and I got to spend some much needed time together as we went on dates almost every night, cleaned up the house (a little bitty bit), walked, talked, laughed and simply reset on so many aspects of our relationship. It was so good—and yes, we missed our boys too (smile).

Deep breath.

Sometimes, I cannot believe the things I write in this journal post, but I know that when it's time to synthesize this work and reflect holistically on this doctoral journey, I'll have been so thankful for each captured moment.

It's been 20 minutes.

What more can I say...