20 Minutes of Sanity: From Burnout to Breakthrough - Navigating Mental Wellness #20

Today is our Nashville Development Professionals of Color breakfast at Monell's in Germantown.

I love this.

This is a group breakfast that started a year ago with a few colleagues who are doing similar work in nonprofits here in Nashville. It's a time when we can come together and share best practices, discuss upcoming events, highlight job postings (everyone is at different levels in their career—another highlight), all while breaking bread at one of Nashville's best brunch spots. This is going to be so refreshing and needed considering the last few days I've had.

I won't bog down in the details of my recent interactions, but I will say they've made me consider my mental wellness a lot more. I am self-diagnosing here, but I truly believe depression and anxiety is a crux that I and so many others are dealing with. It's ramped up and is disruptive to the lives of my friends and colleagues and is rooted in so many of our daily practices—i.e. the food we eat, the exercise we are not doing, the reflections that we aren't taking, the moments of frustration that we are not sharing with others—all the things.

That's why I haven't written in a few days, but it's also why I love this time so much.

I get to express myself, mostly uninhibited, in a way that truly reflects where I am and how I'm feeling in the moment.

Currently, I feel anxious and excited to sit with my peers and learn more about the probably 20 of us that will be in the room, but also, my mind is racing. I'm thinking about work, school, not my kids as much because they have a great school—but they are always on my mind, Alex—she deals in many of the same issues of anxiety and has her stressors (sometimes it's me—I'm the stressor lol), our finances, and world. It can be tiring, draining even, but there is hope and I relish in that.

I know that I am okay every time I decide I'm okay.

Another thing is that when I accomplish this writing challenge, or tackle an assignment (still need to conduct two interviews this week/weekend), or kiss my wife or babies on the forehead, things immediately feel better—things feel right.

Thinking about power and its elements like choice, fear, will, and decision, I know there is a lot that we have inside of us that gives way to where power will live. Will it reside in fear or transfer to faith? Will I count down from 5 to 1 and jump in or will I muster in the muddy waters of sinking thoughts? Some days are better than others, and I want most days to be better. So, here's to that.

I've been thinking a lot about burnout lately and what that means. My persona as a loyalist and committed person is being challenged by my knowingness of pain. Abuse, and struggle.

This time, I'm not willing to bear that pain. I've got too much to lose.

Here's to 20 minutes. Thoughts of leading, listening (to myself), and learning (mostly from others) on how to win at the daily game of life as a dad in doctoral disguise.

Deep breath.

Dex