These 2 Concepts Are Essential if You Want to Develop a Powerful, Engaging Story

The following is adapted from Story Like You Mean It.

If you want to instantly create a connection with someone else, there’s no better way than with a powerful, engaging story. And no matter who you are or what situation you find yourself in, being able to create that connection will benefit you. 

Think about it: maybe you have a job interview coming up. To stand out, you can’t just rattle off your previous experiences. The interviewer will forget what you said almost before you’re out of the room. Instead, you need to connect with the interviewer so you can capture their attention and show them how you bring value.

Or maybe you’re at a networking event. It’s not enough to just wander around the room and hand out your business card. With so many other people attending, you need to stand out if you want to develop connections that will serve you in your career or business. 

Really, there are so many instances where being able to tell your story effectively, and thereby connect with someone on a deep level, is important. But to do that successfully, there are two concepts it’s for you to understand.

#1: Identify Themes That are Consistent Over Time

Developing a powerful, engaging story starts by identifying experiences in your life that made you who you are. Once you find those experiences—what I call blue dots—you have to draw out the microdetails: the competencies, motivations, people, and places that were part of those experiences. Then, to really pull those formative experiences together into a compelling story, you need to find their themes.

Themes link our blue dots together. They help us pick out patterns. They’re not always obvious, but if we can tease them out, they help in two ways: they shape our story and they tell us something about ourselves. 

It’s like when you’re choosing a movie or a book. On Netflix or Prime, the movies are categorized by genres. In a bookstore or a library, the books are also arranged by genre: fiction here, romances there, detectives, thrillers, horror. We categorize just about everything we encounter because it reflects how humans think. We see patterns, similarities, groups.

And you see aspects of yourself over time in the same way. So what’s your story? Is it a drama? Is it a drama-comedy? Are you maybe Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness, and you’re a protector-provider, just like Chris Gardner, the real-life character he plays in the movie?

Start With the Details First

The way we sort ourselves into genres is by going small to go big. There’s not always a theme that stands out, so at first, we start with the details and bring them together to see if a thread emerges.

Look out for threads that run through your blue dots. Perhaps you were always a teacher because you helped a kid in class who was having trouble reading or doing math. Or maybe there was a classmate who was a bit of an outcast socially, and you found the language to bring them into a conversation. Maybe you were a caregiver, so that might be a theme to look for in your other dots.

Remember that themes hold constant. When you’re looking for them, look for continuity. And in your story, we want to see the same continuity. We want to see themes running through your story to illustrate the core of who you are over time..

#2: Find Your Archetypes

As you’re looking for themes, look out for patterns. Is there commonality or consistency of beliefs? Do you see similarities between things? Are you seeing things that you’re letting go of—that is, are you being flexible when you need to be? Do you see things that you’re adhering to more or doing with more frequency or depth? 

One way to think about the patterns you find is to imagine that you’re emerging as a character in a book or movie. How do you fashion yourself as this character?

The concept of archetypes may help here. In a nutshell, although there are seemingly countless types of individuals, there are also particular structures for their stories that convey their journeys with more impact. 

Carl Jung gave us twelve archetypes. You may find them helpful: innocent, everyman, hero, outlaw, explorer, creator, ruler, magician, lover, caregiver, jester, and sage. 

Your audience contains the same archetypes, so they recognize them and relate to them. Archetypes are ways to understand and project ourselves because we all have common archetypes. Everybody is a caregiver. Everybody has innocence. Everybody can be everybody. 

What if You Get Stuck?

If you get stuck trying to associate an archetype with your blue dots, one thing you can do is ask somebody else, “Say, these are some key moments in my life. What kind of character do you think I am? If you were to pick someone from a movie, a superhero or a classic movie, or a film or a book, who would it be?” 

Or try thinking about dogs. When you see a dog, you don’t see a random animal. You see the dog, and you don’t just see a dog; you see a type of dog. It appears to you as an Australian shepherd, a boxer, a labradoodle, a designer dog, a mutt. But they’re all dogs.

They’re all the same, but they’re all different. I think that’s a good way to understand what Jung was getting at with archetypes. All people are people, just with some emerging characteristics more likely to be rising as they play, work, and be. Just like dogs.

If it helps establish how archetypes work, try thinking about yourself as a dog for a while. Play with that idea. Maybe that’ll spark the kind of person you’re becoming. Are you a guard dog, a playful dog, a faithful companion, an aggressive protector? Dogs are all different, but different breeds have certain traits that characterize them. 

Put it All Together

Your goal is to create a powerful story that will create a connection with your audience and show them your value. To do that, remember that first you must find the themes that emerge from your blue dots. Then, go a step further: think about your own perceived traits, then think about what kind of manifestation of those traits turns into your character archetype.

Once you’ve done that, you can start to put your story together. And you can feel confident that now that you understand these two concepts, the story you put together will give you a powerful, engaging way to build connection with others and help you achieve your goals.

For more advice on how to find the themes and archetypes in your story, you can find Story Like You Mean It on Amazon.

Dr. Dennis Rebelo is a professor, speaker, and career coach. He is the creator of the Peak Storytelling model, his research-based method for crafting the narrative of who you are and what drives you and why, utilized by former professional athletes turned nonprofit leaders as well as entrepreneurs, CEOs, guidance professionals, and advisers throughout the world.

Dr. Rebelo, former president of Alex and Ani University and co-founder of the Sports Mind Institute, recently received the 2020 Thomas J. Carroll Award for Teaching Excellence at Roger Williams University. He currently resides in Rhode Island.