18 Years

18 years

The time it takes for a child to be an adult

The age of some whiskey

A span of time with relevance in your life

Last week I was in New York City. My room overlooked the original World Trade Center, and the Freedom Tower (the main building of the rebuilt World Trade Center complex). I was reminded of a significant time of change and rebuilding in my own life, and wondered how and when my own building would be complete.

A little over 18 years ago I left a career that was flourishing:  promotions, travel, flexibility, respect. I was on track for another promotion as I walked into my manager’s office and requested a lay-off. 

At the time our country was reeling from the impact of September 11th, 2001.  

Tuesday, 9/11, a day we would never forget.  I even remember what show I watched the night before, a repeat of the Ally McBeal 4th season finale with a guest appearance by Josh Groban who sang “You’re Still You“, a  song reflecting love and loss:

"Through the darkness - I can see your light - And you will always shine - And I can feel your heart in mine - Your face I've memorized …

… And I believe in you - Although you never asked me to - I will remember you

...You’re still you"

I remember precisely where I was when the call came in from my husband on my cell phone. I was driving into work, having just pulled up to a traffic light with our three youngest children in their car seats. My husband was dropping our oldest off for the bus, she had just started Kindergarten in the Fall.

“Turn on the radio, something terrible just happened, a plane flew into the World Trade Center!”

He knew I would be driving in silence – You take your peace and quiet whenever possible as the mother of four children 5 years and under.

On went the radio, and life was forever altered. Promotions and travel didn’t seem that important anymore. Shock, awe, fear, and trepidation. The attacks took place in multiple locations that morning, and no one knew why or what would happen next. 

Our daycare was on the first floor of our office building. I remember commotion in the lobby. Televisions on in different areas of the building. A chaotic energy buzzed throughout as I brought my youngest son into the infant room. I stopped into the 2-year-old room to drop-off my other son, and then into the Toddler room with my 3-year-old daughter. A sick feeling hit when I realized I couldn’t visit my oldest daughter who was several miles away.  

Paralyzed. What was going to happen next?  Were our schools safe?  Was our daycare safe? Would a car come blasting through the windows?  How could I go upstairs to my office? 

There is nothing rational about fear when the world as you knew it is now out of control. I stayed downstairs for awhile watching my 3-year-old paint with her best buddy Jason, both too young to know in that moment that everything was different.

The days to follow were filled with a combination of emotions. Churches were packed, our country and many other nations became united in grief, reaction, and action. Politicians enacted safeguards, airport regulations were impacted, and the old way of doing things changed. Fear turned to anger, anger turned to action.

All the while, my husband and I sought the right words to tell our children about how and why the world was changing, without altering their view of what felt safe. You might think they were too young to know the difference, but they knew things were not right. They were built on a foundation of empathy, respect, and communication, understanding the impact of the world around them. The email I sent my brother four days later said it all:

"Yes, this has been a difficult week.  I have found myself questioning my own decisions & wonder how I can do things differently to make this world better. 

The kids have been asking a lot of questions & we are being as honest as we can without being too graphic. I actually have used this as an opportunity to discuss good & evil, and to remind them of how Jesus wants us to treat people.  They asked what happened & we told them a few planes hit a few buildings.  They asked why & we told them it was because some bad people wanted to kill some good people so they took over the planes & purposely hit the buildings.  It is always difficult to answer the next why ... but I've decided that sometimes we can't explain why some people are evil, but need to focus on why it is important to be good. They said that God must be sad & mad at these men & I agreed.  

Children are amazing in how they respond. They realize that these people that died are somebody else's Grandparent, parent, uncle, aunt, brother, sister, child.  We are trying to not have it on the TV all day, as I don't want to promote fear ... but don't want to shield them from the truth either.  They realize something bad has happened, but we need to focus on what we can do.  We went to church Friday & I explained why we were there.  

Although they don't fully comprehend the depth of world's pain … nonetheless, they are not shielded from the truth either."

A new perspective:  how were we to turn our own feelings into action? How would we provide a solution to strengthen and support the 4 young “beings” we had brought into the world?

My company was doing another round of layoffs and a different sense of sadness and fear was on my colleagues’ faces. Who would be laid off next?  Whose personal safety net would be pulled out from under them with worries of unemployment, healthcare, and expenses no longer covered by their “galvanized” years of tenure.

Our baby boy had his first daycare ear infection, our oldest didn’t like going to after-school care, the climate at work was somber, and the world around us no longer felt under control.

As a family, we needed to create our own safety net, but of a different sort. Preparations made years before provided us with the ability to make our own decisions. We had already learned how to live on one income, and after a month of solid consideration made a new decision:  I would volunteer for the layoff, and take the financial package that came with it (divided by 4 children’s college accounts). Someone else’s job would be saved. Miller Island was created, we would secure our kids future with less money, but more time.

This was no easy decision, but brick by brick we would start building something new ….