17 Things That I Wish I had Learned Earlier

Inspired by a conversation yesterday with a co-worker (Dan Bullington), I decided to post some of thoughts on how to lead a good life. These thoughts are compilations from my 34+ years on this planet and they represent only a snapshot in time, and learning mostly discovered recently. Many of these thoughts are relatively new in my mind and they may also may change or evolve later on in life:

If you’re thinking, “does this guy think that he is some sort of expert advice giver?” My answer is no. But I would never tune out someone else’s well thought out life reflections if they had them to offer, especially if I thought that person to have unique insights where I might not. I also wouldn’t let my fear of judgment by others to stop me from doing anything that I thought could benefit from someone else. So here it goes, if you want a long read...:

1. Work Hard

So many people in life want more money and less work. The irony, of course, is that generally more money comes to those who do more work.

More work = faster learning = faster failure or faster success. Fail faster so you know what doesn't work. Or succeed quicker so you can realize the benefits that come with success as soon as possible.

The more money that you have sooner, the sooner you gain more flexibility to do more of what you want in life.

2. Do Great Work

Most anyone can do average work, and average work is unimpressive. Every single job that I have gotten in life I have gotten because of who I’ve known. I didn’t even get into college without an endorsement from the football program. My life's relationships, built on the strength and quality of my work, have led to all of my professional opportunities. 

Do great work because every job is a job interview. If your boss leaves, or a promotion comes up, a hard worker has a well-deserved leg up on anyone else.

3. A smart person uses big words, an intelligent person uses the right words

Often I would use (and still more often than I would like) big words. The big words more perfectly describe my point and make me sound erudite, flush with oratorical prowess (case in point).

The smarter person makes sure that their meaning is conveyed and that the message is understood. Anyone can read a dictionary, but not just anyone can get their point across simply.

4. The most successful people who I’ve met are deliberate with their time

Professional sports team owners, television personalities, D-1 coaches, etc. all have tons of people pulling at their attention spans. So when possible, be as direct with your communication as possible because that will show that you respect both your own time and the time of others.

5. Talk about the most important things in people’s lives

If you want to develop and maintain quality relationships with people, talk about what’s important to them (family, job, hobbies, alma maters, passion projects, philanthropy, pets, etc.).

I once had an ice cold relationship with a co-worker. I was diligent about asking about their family, and even tracking sporting events of their child. Making that simple change completely changed our relationship from frosty to friendly, and it worked to my professional benefit.

6. Make life decisions in line with your values

It’s easier to ignore poor character of your boss or company when times are great, but when there is adversity and you think that you’ll get the support that you desire from something/someone that you’ve invested your time and energy into, be prepared to be let down. If you work with good people, and you work for a great company, they will generally feel compelled to take care of you like you would take care of you. Try to be aware so that when someone reveals to you their character, you know well enough to pay attention to it.

In simpler terms, do your best to avoid bosses and companies who lie, cheat and steal. You’ll be happier knowing that you work for people with integrity. And gravitate to companies/employers who are driven by purpose and service.

7. Take your health seriously

Gut health, sleep health, dietary health, physical health, mental health, etc.

You’ll never go broke investing in yourself. So many of us sacrifice 40-60 hours a week (of a possible 168 hours a week) working to the detriment of our own health while making a living. Carve out time for yourself. You hear a lot of people talk about how they haven’t made enough time for themselves, but I’ve never heard someone say that they made too much time for themselves.

8. You can always do more than you think you can

How many more examples of people overcoming their circumstances do you need before you recognize your own nearly unlimited potential? 

Almost everyone reading this was born into this world standing on 3rd base, to use a baseball analogy. We have freedom and opportunity, both of which are things that residents of many other countries have substantially less of. Shad Khan (owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars), Alex Montoya (triple amputee Columbian immigrant), Javon Kinlaw (boiled water on the stove for showers during childhood) and many others grew up without the physical or financial resources that many of us have taken for granted. Believing themselves not to be prisoners of their circumstances, those 3 (and many others) went on to defy long odds against them.

Whatever story you are telling yourself about why you can’t do something is probably a more mild version of a story that someone else decided to defy rather than be defined by. 

Which leads me to...

9. Make your goals so ambitious that other people laugh at them

One day, I want to create a company that helps everyone from every country to do anything they want to do. Obviously, I have more of a framework to what I want that company to look like, and it’s okay if I don’t achieve that result because having that ambition will force motivation and decision-making that has ambition and intent. In life, I would far prefer to aim big and miss than to aim small and hit.

One additional point here, the spread of information was revolutionized by the creation of the printing press in 1440, and then again by the invention of internet. We are ~25 years into the mainstream digital Information Age. There are so many more efficiencies to be created in the world given how quickly information can be shared that an idea that’s “impossible” today, might very well be possible tomorrow. Look at information storage for example: 3 1/2 inch floppy disk --> CD --> Flash Drive --> Server --> Cloud...what’s next?

10. Be grateful

You don’t control nature (genetics), you don’t necessarily control the nurturing of you by your environment, but you do control your attitude about how you talk to yourself and how you decide to treat others.

Our shared existence in life is dependent on creating lives of purpose, fulfillment and gratitude. In every interaction, you have the opportunity to give to others. Give them understanding, give them calm, give them laughter, give them love, etc.

You can also give them disinterest, insecurity, shame, sadness, etc.

Be grateful and you’ll end up being the best part of other people’s lives while earning a life of happiness for yourself. You can love every single person differently, if you decide to. Consider that.

11. Personal & Professional Development 

Invest in personal and professional development. Keep growing, keep learning. 

Everyone sees life through their own lens, and we can learn from others with relevant  life experiences. It can be difficult to know which resources are most appropriate to learn from, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t work to become better. 

If you can’t slam dunk now, that doesn’t mean that you never try. We would be a stagnant society if people looked at ceilings only as the tops of rooms instead of as the bottoms of additional floors above.

12. Surround yourself with good people 

Birds of a feather flock together. You are the company you keep. And on and on

Decide what you want for yourself and seek out others who either have what you want or who can help you get closer to what you want. If you don’t know what you want, and you don’t care who you are around, then be prepared to live life on life’s terms rather than on your own terms.

13. Follow the money

Most decisions in life are made by the pursuit of money. It’s not money’s fault. Money is not the root of all evil. The ego that pursues the money might be though.

Anyhow, thinking about the money motivation behind many decisions will lead you to better clarity about why something has happened, especially politically.

14. Travel

Expose yourself to new places, in our country or internationally. You grow your tolerance, understanding, and perspective by seeing other people in other places. Staying in the same place keeps your world small and limits your understanding + perspective.

15. Don’t be safe and don’t be comfortable

Our brains are wired to be safe and comfortable. But growth exists typically outside of safety and/or comfort. Your brain will default to telling you to do what is easy and cautious because humans innately feared for their safety thousands of years ago. Your brain likes safety. 

If you make a decision and it doesn’t work out, you can likely go back to how things were before except now you won’t have to wonder “what if” and you have hopefully learned so that your next attempt will be better.

Fear exists in your mind, but fear is self-made. Fear isn’t a real thing. Some people have more of it, some people have less of it. Fear prevents you from making life-ending decisions, but it also can prevent you from making life-improving decisions.

Trust yourself, your smarts, and your abilities. Sometimes life gives you lemonade! But even when life gives you lemons, you can still make lemonade.

If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten....so dare to be great!

16. Try your hardest not to say anything negative about someone

Saying something negative about someone is really easy. We say negative things to ourselves all of the time, and unfortunately we do it to others too. When you speak ill of someone, there’s a chance that you look bad for judging someone while the person about whom you speak also gets diminished or lessened.

Regardless of the truth or validity of a negative sentiment, it almost certainly doesn’t need to be said.

17. Consider asking yourself what you really “know”?

Don’t be so hung up on a "truth" that you can’t recognize when it’s no longer accurate, or in need of re-evaluation. This type of flexibility will protect your identity so that when some drastic happening turns your life upside down, you’re able to adjust instead of behaving irrationally.

Pluto was a planet. The sun was the center of the universe. The world was flat. Taking someone else's word for what's true doesn't foster creative thought or solution-oriented thinking.

I'll leave you with a couple things to consider:

Smoking cigarettes, known to cause all sorts of health problems, are legal while marijuana, known to alleviate pain and/or calm several ailments, is still illegal in some states. Why?

Newer cars will beep repeatedly at you for not wearing your seatbelt. Police officers will ticket you for not wearing your seatbelt. But you can drive 150+ MPH and/or drive vehicles when you are drunk. Could we install breathalyzers and speed governors on vehicles to reduce high speed collisions and unnecessary DUIs? Why don't we?

Relatively recently, the United States food pyramid advocated for consumption of dairy, grains, and meats in greater amounts than fruits and vegetables. Is it possible that a government who subsidizes the costs associated with farming, would guide its residents to consume products to support the economy?

Blue zones where people have been shown to live dramatically longer lives generally avoid processed foods and pharmaceuticals. Are healthier citizens better or worse for a capitalistic economy?

When you assume you know something, you can close yourself off to other better or alternative thought patterns worth considering.

-J.T.