16 Rules to Removing your Limiting Beliefs & Creating Success in Your Life. Rule 11

RULE #11:

You Can't Change the Past

We all got history.

No doubt about it.

Every single one of us has a collection of memories and stories that we hold in our minds, and call our "past."

Memories of happy parties and summer days. Travelling the world, meeting wonderful people, seeing amazing sights. Of heartfelt reunions and sad partings, heartbreaking decisions we had to make. Of mundane meetings and sexual encounters.

Each of us has a version of our history stored in our brains - which we each cling to passionately. Our history, you see, makes up what is uniquely us. It's our identity. Without our history, we're a blank canvas.

And there's nothing at all wrong with that approach. History is what makes us us.

But sometimes we cling on to painful memories of the past -and allow them to affect how we act today.

We desperately fight against that memory of freezing up when delivering the wedding speech, being asked to present during that business meeting. Never again will we dare such a feat.

We're fearful when thinking of the time our heart was broken. Committing to never being hurt again. We remember those nights of trying to look after our child, and always feeling like we'd failed. And we're haunted by that repetitive thought: "Could I have been a better father or a better mother?"

Yes. Sometimes our history holds up our future.

So, let's get one thing straight. Let's plainly state one important self-development teaching.

You absolutely cannot - under any circumstances whatsoever - change the past.

It has gone… It's done… It's over… It's finished…. FULL STOP.

You really need to grasp that concept right now.

You may have made some crappy decisions. You may have done some bad things. You may have been victimized in some way, or harmed, or damaged. 

But that's the past. It's gone. It's over. You need to move on. 

It's also wise to remember that the past is relative. It's always from our own perspective - and we never get the full story.

Our past is part of who we are but: "It does not define us, it's what we do about the past that WILL define us"

We think our fathers were distant when we were a child. But we fail to realize he was trying to save a dying marriage, to provide us with a stable family life. It's never quite as cut and dried as we think we remember.

Ironically, the past also tends to change over time. We get older & wiser

When we get "hooked" onto a line of thinking, our brain tends to fill in the blanks. We continue thinking about our distant father or mother that never loved enough.

Then we remember the time he didn't give us his full support during school sports day or she never cared enough to ask how we feel. Before you know it, you're sat in a circle with a bunch of self-help addicts, crying your heart out to the beat of an African dream drum.

We tend to forget those times our father was there for us, offering his full love and support. The times he changed your nappy. The times he secretly cried in pride at your accomplishments. The times he worried about you, or did things to help you along your way - without you even realizing it.

Again, the teaching: The past is from our perspective only, and tends to change over time.

It's never as bad as you think you remember.

What do you think you remember? Is it possible it could've all been much better? Is it possible that you perhaps don't realize the blessing of that moment?

The problem with our history is simple: some of us just can't let go of it. We clutch to it so tightly, we have no room left to embrace the present. We let it hold us back. We let our "stories" imprison us.

And, to me, that doesn't sound like a smart thing to do.

Are you struggling to move beyond your past? Are you sure you're struggling? I'm willing to bet it's much easier than you think.

Try closing your eyes for a moment and thinking of something from the past. Whatever is on your mind.

Think about it, then do the releasing exercise described in Rule #2 "Learn to Let Go." Ask yourself: "Can I let this go?"

Then stop clutching onto the emotion as you have been doing so far. Release it. Set it free. Drop it. Unclench. Welcome the past, embrace it, accept it.

You must. Because you can do absolutely nothing about it now. And fighting against it will only hold you back in future.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't learn from the past. We should, and must. But we also need to stop the past from holding us back. Try releasing on any anxiety about how our past will affect our future, too.

Remember, the past is a foreign land. They do things differently there. Your past is not your future. Past outcomes are not indicative of future results.

Everything you've done so far in your life has led you to this single moment.

And it is only in this very moment that you can change anything.

For it to get you this far, surely whatever happened in your past cannot be such a bad thing.

Realizing this can really advance your self-development. It's critical that you realize holding on to the past holds you up in the present.

Memories can be great. But remember this one key understanding: you are now, and not then.

Release your history. "Let It Go"

James Fleming

The Power Within Coaching Ltd

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