The 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence

NAMASHKAR

To move forward one has to go backwards- bridging the gap BEFORE and AFTER sexual assault...

The 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence is an international campaign that runs annually from November 25 (International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women) to December 10 (World Human Rights Day). These 16 Days are an opportunity for women to unite with an intersectional lens with each other in Canada and globally. MEN join us around the world to reflect, introspect and take ACTION to STOP the continued ENDEMIC VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. The 16 Days also include Canada’s National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence against Women on December 6, in remembrance of the 14 young women who were brutally murdered at l'école Polytechnique de Montréal in a shocking act of gender-based violence. 

TRIGGER WARNING as many followers read my posts and articles with their young children, daughters, sons, nephews, nieces and students. I request you to read it alone first:

*460,000 sexual assaults in Canada every year

*200,000 plus patients are sexually assaulted by DOCTORS

 *For every 1000 sexual assaults that take place in Canada, only three perpetrators are convicted. (Limits of a Criminal Justice Response: Trends in Police and Court Processing of Sexual Assault.)

*1 woman is killed every 2.5 days at the hands of an intimate partner

*60% of women with a disability experience some form of violence

*The rate of violent crime against women in Nunavut was nearly 13 times higher than the rate for Canada

*83% of all police –reported domestic assaults are against women. This pattern is consistent for every province across Canada

*About 80% of victims of dating violence are all female

*38% of sexually assaulted women were assaulted by their husbands, common-law partners or boyfriends

*80% of sexual assaults occur in the home

*Girls experience sexual assault at much higher rates than boys: 82% of all victims under the age of 18 are female

*Girls are 4 times as likely as boys to be sexually assaulted by a family member

*About half (49%) of all female murder victims in Canada are killed by a former or current intimate partner. In contrast only 7% of male victims were killed by intimate partners 

Canada is not a safe country for women, not yet! 

Canada's sexual violence rates haven't changed in 20 years -even though rates of every crime have gone down? https://lnkd.in/gt3c-S5

(Affirmed after personal experiential and theoretical lens- navigating the systems for past 14 years, seeking justice, looking for rationalization of WHY me? And as a Counsellor, Advocate I state this: Before sexual assault by the DOCTOR- I constantly escaped, ran away, left jobs, gave up high paying opportunities- modified my independence (subservient to cultural, religious norms), my behavior, my dress code, the onus of safety was always in my hands- fear of patriarchal authority, punishment/consequences ingrained and nurtured ). The sexual assault by Doctor shattered, exploited, eroded my inner core, my cultural belief system. My mind, heart and body exploited, hair pulled, choked, slapped, repeated verbal degradation, pinned down on the ground, sexually assaulted, and my traditional, religious values maligned. I was raised to be committed to cultural, religious practices and norms of 'female purity' and this Doctor was aware of it. He knowingly exploited me knowing my cultural values, inherent compliance, subservience to power, masculine authority and deep regard, respect, subservience to Doctors as Gods on earth. I was raised, loved deeply, mentored by my Maternal grandfather -renowned Doctor-Surgeon. For a decade I died a million deaths emotionally -dealing with TRAUMA AFTER sexual assault wondering how could I live another day; ridden with self-blame, shame, guilt, isolation and ongoing re-victimization by CPSO.

I did not know then that my Indigenous sisters have been brutally degraded, humiliated, sexually assaulted, murdered, missing for 152 years on 'stolen land'. THEY Are STILL not believed! 'Trauma is not what happens to you; trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.' (Gabor Matè, The Wounded Healer, Victoria, BC, May 2018) ...............................................................................................................

Before you read further please ask yourself:

1. Who do you go to and TRUST unconditionally, absolutely when you are unwell, sick, distressed, and if there may be a diagnosis of serious disease?
2. Who would you TRUST when you are injured, in an accident, hit, physically harmed, stalked, assaulted, missing, murdered?

GOING BACK: Mandatory Reporting of sexual assault to CPSO by Psychiatrist in 2006. As a result I received a package of 'irreparable damages' = scapegoating, lack of any transparency, accountability from historical corrupt CPSO (over a decade of dehumanization, played like a ping- pong ball - they continued to aid, abet, protect the perpetrator ) TRAUMATIZED-Resulting in loss of identity, mental duress, shaming, isolation, loss of my career and business, incomprehensible cultural slut-shaming. Compounded affects are character defamation due to allegations by patriarchy -5 yr. battle filled with vociferous allegations in Family court-causing grave psychological harm due to malicious lies spread through emails to family in native country, US. The whole scenario rendered me time and again in a paralytic state of mind, body and heart. For a decade I mastered the art of functioning- BEING on an auto pilot with a smile plastered on my face externally while battling alone- numb, bleeding, sickness (pathology), in shock with prolonged periods of self -harm, cutting, choking silence, self-blame, shame, guilt, psychological plummeting of Self-identity, Self worth, suicide ideation and complex PTSD. Over the past decade I learnt "The deeper the morass of misogyny through which we all have to wade the more vociferous the condemnation who dares to mention it.'' (Dr. Germaine Greer, The whole woman)

AND

FINANCIAL ruins [loss of earnings, loss of earning capacity, medical expenses, counselling expenses, and a myriad of intangible costs not measurable in monetary terms (Mayhew & Adkins, 2003] Living with trauma- mental anguish, stress, and suffering manifests as pathological illness: visible and invisible.

Trauma is not what happens to you; trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.' (Gabor Matè, The Wounded Healer, Victoria, BC, May 2018)

(Today I am grateful I am still alive when daughters-women are killed by their fathers, and family members all in the name of HONOR in my culture continually. I am spiritually strong and until I am cremated I will continue to speak the TRUTH, and stand in 'moral solidarity' with victims and survivors. I will keep sharing, and asking for who ever will listen with moral- compassion that we are in dire need of elimination of violence against women in Canada. ZERO -tolerance with implementation of 3rd Task Force's call for independent body to investigate allegations against health care professionals should be the FIRST step in the right direction. DO NO HARM under 'fiduciary-trust' -STOP MAN-made violence against women, reduce TRAUMA, decrease Mental health issues & substance use, increase recovery, SAVE BILLIONS of dollars, build healthy homes and communities. Women are the bedrock and foundation of human existence, nurturers-imperative for survival and prosperity of planet Earth. Women's autonomy, health, prosperity and gender equity is a win -win situation for all men and women. MEN cannot afford to be IGNORANT, egotistical any longer. Many believe climate change and global warming is a myth, similarly many believe women that report are to be further penalized, killed, murdered, or callously ignored. STOP #timeisup

"Victimization has a ripple effect, spreading the damage in waves out from victims to all those with whom they have intimate contact." (Remer and Ferguson, 1995) I inquire -Where does it hurt most? |everywhere! Violence against women and girls is the world’s largest human rights violation. It is not invisible and yet remains pervasive in our society. Each year, violence and abuse drive over 75,000 women and children from their homes and into shelters across the country.

"Beneath every behaviour there is a feeling. And beneath each feeling is a need. AND when we meet the NEED rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with cause not the symptom." Going to see a doctor remains a privilege for many and also a nightmare for many racialized women, trans women and victims AFTER sexual assault in Ontario. (https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/honourable-pm-justin-trudeau-can-you-handle-truth-sveta-kohli-azad-/)

CHANGE is possible if your thoughts, intentions are aligned with your actions. I don't just believe it-I have witnessed it through assisting, counselling, supporting my clients-women and victims. In past 2 years few women have self-identified their pathways to healthier life style, managing the 'ripple effects' with CBT, holistic, spiritual endurance, slowly building inner reservoirs of strength-giving up substance-use- along with multiple anti-depressants prescribed by doctors. MOST doctors have little or no time to hear, believe, validate their EMOTIONS (social determinants of health must include creating -holding the safe space for women/victims, self -directed healing, spiritual and religious inter- connectedness, cross-cultural knowledge along with empathic, compassionate dialogue with the health practitioner. Dignity, humanity, compassion and loving -kindness may not cure all evils but are antidotes against an insulated mindset, entrenched systemic corruption and continued colonial models. They continually instill fear and silence children, women, and men irrespective of race, class and gender. Victims must not be blamed, rushed, dictated and labelled continually by Medical professionals when presented with cultural expressions of grief, de-press ion, anxiety, in explainable pains that do not show up on pathology testing.)

"Physical effects of sexual assault include: chronic diseases, headaches, eating disorders, gynecological symptoms, irritable bowel syndrome, and damage to the urethra, vagina and anus. Sexual assault can have profound effects on the relationships and social life of the victim/survivor, impacting intimate partner, friendship and family relationships. (Crome & McCabe, 1995)

''EROSION OF TRUST''-- lost trust and 'relational ability to connect' with not just Men but also with women. 'Deficit of trust' after sexual assault by a doctor specifically is like incest- similar to a violation of inner core of Self-a betrayal similar to incest taboo- father sexually assaulting his daughter; the damages last a lifetime. 'TRAUMA compromises our ability to engage with others by replacing patterns of connection with patterns of protection. (Stephen Porges) I disconnected from all my friends, many disconnected with me after finding out. The loss of connections led to loss of any sacred relationships, and intentional conjugal partnership and having a family of my own. Many days I do not take an elevator if there is a man in it; it also ended my career (film and as a designer as was unable to interact with the opposite sex in closed spaces or as one to one interactions.)

FOR many years I wondered how could a justice system continually fail, and discredit victims? Dealing with 'entrenched systemic exploitation = CPSO cannot be explained in words. You have to live it to believe it! It continues to be a disgraceful institution, supported by Government's willful blindness, callous sanctioning of man made violence under 'self regulation' towards women, and vulnerable patients.

Dealing with policing system- a nightmare for Indigenous Peoples, racialized, marginalized communities and WOMEN with barriers. The fear, shame, threatening belittling, devaluation, racist comments levied by the Detective in 2007 often haunt me (dialectic trauma) AND can trigger fear ALL over again when faced with a police officer during my interactions for the women-victims/clients I support. Earlier my false ego, TRAUMATIC memes played like an unstoppable tape "sveta you went to see a doctor, he abused, exploited, sexually assaulted you, you had no one to turn to so you kept quiet, persisted, choking, silenced, fearful, threatened, shamed, slow internal death, until he pinned you down and you fought back for your honor and dignity- caged, trained, performing with constant patriarchal fear, living the 'good girl syndrome'( don't smoke, never drink, haven't had an intimate relationship in million years), don't date, don't hang out at bars, THEN why don't they believe what has happened to you? That was then. Now affirmed in feminist anti-oppressive praxis for past 5 years, with conscious control and knowledge of my past is what grounds-helps me in the present to prepare, assist my clients face their perpetrators in court, find meaningful coping strategies to trust SELF- all based in harm reduction and affirmation of mighty, potent Spiritual Self. "Victims can suffer 'secondary victimisation' through their experience of the response of the criminal justice system and health service providers (Ahrens, 2006) and receive other harmful and negative responses from friends, family and broader society (Davis & Brickman, 1996)

Systems remain dysfunctional due to continued Anglo Saxon lens, pervasive racism and complicit institutional rape culture. It's virtually impossible to view one oppression in isolation as they are all intersect. Some police men & women with 'cultural competency', 'trauma -informed' approach MAY have a victim -centered approach. They become the HOPE warriors and for a victim of sexual assault to get the right police officer, and supports is like winning a lottery ticket. Getting - 'Olivia Benson' (NBC drama series Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) to assist in real life when reporting sexual assault - probability is extremely low but one of my clients won her lottery, when I did not. AND through supportive-counselling- collectively with a culturally competent Police officer ( her perpetrator pled guilty). We collectively found a KNIGHT in SHINING ARMOUR - evocation of hope 4/5 years ago. I did not receive humane treatment as a victim but I was able to help another victim in her journey towards an improbable but great fruition - conviction. Her victory is my nectar of devotion, prayers answered. ONE person can make a difference. BELIEVE CHANGE IS POSSIBLE- when and if cultural competency, trauma informed training becomes mandatory for ALL systems: Medical, Policing, Judiciary. We cannot depend on the systems any longer but we can depend on each other as a collective personal vigilante system with 'LOVE'==Listen, Observe, Value/Validate, Encourage/educate each victim, women, and men who have experienced sexual assault. Believe the victim!

We have a long arduous road ahead for victims of sexual assault in Ontario. If you are a woman, trans- woman -patient sexually assaulted by a DOCTOR there is NO hope for change, safety yet. PATIENTS BEWARE: at all times be accompanied by a friend, family member, take notations, video record your appointment (do not have to disclose it to the Dr.)

When the protectors are also perpetrators-women your safety is your responsibility until there is ZERO tolerance with implementation of Task force's call for independent body to investigate allegations against health care professionals.

https://www.therecord.com/news-story/9669900-top-court-won-t-hear-female-officers-suit-against-waterloo-police/

• PLEASE TAKE THE TIME to read, introspect on the compelling, deeply sad and yet strong, bold Op-Ed by Police woman Sharon Zehr.

I stand in moral solidarity with Sharon Zehr -every word in the Op-ed and with all brave Police women that have endured despicable discrimination, sexism, sexual harassment and yet stood up-called out their perpetrators.

How can there be any sense of safety for victims when the police women are not safe? I believe, each time a woman stands up for herself against injustice -she helps another-its an echo of Victory- more power to TRUTH. We may not have won the war against 'isms' just yet but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Each time a woman is empowered with intrinsic value in her core SELF with TRUTH, there is hope of less victimization at home, at work, by a doctor, in this male dominated world- it's a win-win! As a collective we march forward, power lies in numbers for colony of ants can bring an elephant down. "We are moving into an era where authority cannot be TRUTH. Only the TRUTH shall be the Authority in coming times, as sanctity of all authorities will be questioned."(Sadguru ) 'Satyamev Jayate' Jai Hind. I am eternally grateful to the Indigenous Peoples in Canada for allowing me to live on their sacred land. I personally live by TWO ROW Wampum agreement. Namashkar May God bless Bharat and Turtle Island.

Sharon’s Defeat Concede Op-Ed

Injustices Against Women Police & Lost Bid to the Supreme Court of Canada

First, we would like to acknowledge the land we are guests on belongs to First Nations, Inuit and Metis peoples of Canada.

Losing our bid for leave to the Supreme Court of Canada today, Thursday October 24, 2019, is one of the greatest injustices in Canadian history.

The men in power contained women once again, but this outcome will be judged again and again, in the future, as many more people try to break the chains that hold us back from achieving equality in our daily lives.

Nevertheless, we proved to all Canadians, that our criminal justice systems and our civil justice systems are discriminatory.

All available avenues for conflict resolution and remedy are closed to women, as they are controlled by our abusers.  

It would have taken some sort of cooperation and fairness on the part of the police for women to safely follow the processes designed by the men.

Now everyone, except the people in power, can see our harsh reality of rampant sexual misconduct and sexualized persecution against us, with no real ability to access justice.

Pieces of paper don’t protect women – not workplace harassment policies, not collective agreements, not sections in the criminal code and not even the Charter of Rights and Freedoms that are part of the Canadian Constitution. If you are wronged, a lawyer cannot help you and they don’t have to.

The police have absolute power with blatant disregard for human rights. The police are untouchable no matter what they do, or don’t do. 

We believe a full evidentiary record, through the class action process, would have made it even more clear.

Given today’s outcome, we unfortunately expect violence against women to continue to escalate. Victims are punished. There are no consequences for perpetrators, or legislative protections in place for women, and no proper response.

The systemic injustices we faced at the hands of men, and some privileged women, or women who have given up their status as women whose job it was to uphold public justice, have destroyed our belief in the police system, court systems, Canadian politics and the notion of Canada as a multicultural and humanitarian country, as a whole. 

• Discrimination and oppression define us. 

To the women of Canada, be aware that today’s decision proves we are not equal before the law and we have no access to justice whatsoever. That shouldn’t be the case and we should be treated with dignity and respect.

So, safety plan, safety plan, safety plan, take care of one another and live on, with awareness. Oh, and don’t forget to hold the handrail on the escalator, so you won’t be charged.

Women-centred community service providers who don’t align themselves with the police or our government could use your help. 

Our legal challenge may have ended, but we will gladly coordinate support for women who come forward with safety concerns.

Our next chapter will be to develop safe spaces, products and services for women and their families. We must also continue our efforts to break the cycle of violence within our ‘justice’ systems. 

For now, our group will be referred to as Women White Helmets of Canada (WWHOC). Look for us online at womenwhitehelmets.ca. Through a link on our website, you will be able to purchase t-shirts to raise awareness: a) #AmINext b) Victim Courage. Wear it loud and proud. It is your choice as to size and colour. One tee will cost approximately $30. You can ship your purchase or pick it up in Hamilton, Ontario.

To the UN and to the world, Canada is heterosexual, healthy, middle-aged and male-white-centred only. Our calls for federal government and UN interventions have gone unanswered.

Many of us excluded survivors have painfully become ex-patriots of Canada, as our public service has taken everything from us.

We would like to thank the Globe and Mail, for excellence in investigative journalism, such as unfounded sexual assaults and for publicly voicing our concerns. We hope the news media will remain interested in our cause of equality because we will NOT remain silent about abuse, in any form.

We would like to specifically thank google and available social media platforms for assisting us with the search of related news media articles to share, in the public’s interest. Also, thanks to Google for their November 2018 global walk-out to protest the treatment of women, sexism and inequality in the tech industry. I hope you can do it again this year, so the rest of us can join you.

On a personal note, I would like to thank the people who have accepted my husband and I in our new community. 

Lastly, but importantly, we would like to recognize and thank our legal team at Cambridge LLP and Scarfone Hawkins LLP led by the Notorious RDE (R. Douglas Elliott), for their tireless efforts in pursuit of justice for us. Together, we made history and for that we are grateful. 

Thank you,

Sharon Zehr

Sincere thanks Sharon Zehr for allowing me to share your Op-ed.