On This 157th Decoration Day ????

It's that time again--when LinkedIn fills with well-meaning posts and some engagement on whether "celebrating" or "remembering" or a different activity is the appropriate way to mark the day. I admit I ask myself the same every year; on a day set aside to remember those men and women who fell in service to the country, what is the best way to honor their memory and work toward being the kind of person who is worth their ultimate sacrifice?

I think an answer to the latter question's almost impossible to detail; we all have reasons that will hold us back from perfection. But to the former question, what is the best way to honor their memory, the answers come to mind and evolve year after year. This year I'm asking myself deliberately and directly, what would you say if you were killed in action? Would I have an answer to provide those who left behind on how best to honor me?

I'd say no; that I have neither an answer nor a desire to be honored at all. I'm not concerned that you "remember" me or talk about me. What I do hope for is that my family is cared for and not left alone. Besides the anniversary of my loss on the battlefield, Memorial Day might well serve as another painful day in the year when my wife and children must confront the circumstances of my death...however honorable or just it might've been. I don't know anyone who's worn the uniform who, if God forbid is killed in action, would expect perfect strangers to call out their name in public, let alone name some monument or boulevard after them. What I do guess they'd ask is that some of us, anyone who is willing and able, simply do no more than be with their family. Spouse and parents, children and cousins, those loved ones and closest friends whose suffering may never abate at their absence from this world. Even those whose faith confirms that this life is but a pilgrimage on the way to the next may never feel confident in that truth they otherwise readily accept. They need others around them; they need the closeness of friends and family who may not feel the same way but are willing to live in that moment, to live a part of the trauma and emptiness that surrounds a Gold Star Family. This is what I would want. This is what I would ask "in honor" of me.

The family at home remains the unsung hero of our military's devotion. They sacrifice livelihoods and suffer at the hands of multiple sprawling bureaucracies so that a uniformed member can stay ready for the call. Our spouses and parents, children and siblings, let go of lives that might've been in exchange for gross uncertainty and instability and the common specter of a government's frenetic decision-making. These are the ones we shouldn't forget on a day like today; on a weekend like this weekend we should "celebrate" and "remember" and "barbecue" in honor of those men and women who laid down their lives for their friends. I just hope we can do all that alongside a family that needs (and deserves) our fellowship and support.