The 15% Rule: Unlocking Authentic Connections at Events

Have you ever felt your heart race at the thought of attending a conference? You're not alone. As an event strategist, I've seen countless attendees struggle with social anxiety when it comes to networking. But here's the good news: there are ways to make these experiences more comfortable and rewarding.

I recently had an enlightening conversation with Michaela Alexis , author of the upcoming book "No Fear Networking," about how to navigate networking events when you're feeling anxious. Her insights were eye-opening, and I'm excited to share them with you.

The Prevalence of Social Anxiety

First, let's address the elephant in the room. Social anxiety isn't just a "you" problem. According to Michaela's research, a staggering 99% of people experience some form of social anxiety. That's right - it's practically universal!

This revelation is both comforting and challenging. On one hand, it's reassuring to know we're not alone in our struggles. On the other, it highlights the importance of addressing this issue in our event planning.

The 15% Rule: A Game-Changer for Meaningful Connections

One of the most intriguing concepts Michaela shared is the "15% Rule" for vulnerability. This simple yet powerful idea suggests that to move beyond small talk, we need to share something about ourselves that's 15% beyond our comfort zone.

For example, instead of the standard "What do you do?" try opening with something like:

"I'm excited to be here, but I've got to admit, I'm a bit nervous. Do you have any tips for relaxing in these situations?"

This approach does two things: 1. It humanizes you, making you more approachable. 2. It gives the other person permission to be vulnerable too.

Preparing for Success

1. Researching the Event

Look at the agenda, group size, and format. Are there smaller breakout sessions that might feel more comfortable?

2. Preparing Conversation Starters

Instead of "What do you do?", try: ? "What are you working on right now?" ? "What are you hoping to accomplish this year?" ? "What's keeping you busy these days?"

3. Shifting Your Mindset

Approach the event with a mindset of service. Ask yourself, "What value can I bring to others in this room?" This shift can help alleviate the pressure to "perform" and make networking feel more natural.

Creating Psychologically Safe Spaces

As event organizers, we have a responsibility to create environments where everyone feels comfortable. Some strategies include: ? Designating "connector" roles to help introduce people ? Creating themed areas for specific interests (e.g., a "LinkedIn Corner") ? Encouraging speakers and MCs to model vulnerability

Embracing Spontaneous Networking

Michaela shared a fascinating insight about the difference between transactional and spontaneous networking. While many of us dread forced networking scenarios, we often enjoy and remember spontaneous connections - like striking up a conversation in a long coffee line.

As event planners, we can create more opportunities for these organic interactions. And as attendees, we can approach events with an open mind, ready for unexpected connections.

The Power of Courage and Vulnerability

At the end of the day, networking with social anxiety comes down to two things: courage and vulnerability. It takes courage to show up, to resist the urge to hide in your hotel room. And it takes vulnerability to open up, to share a bit of yourself with strangers.

But here's the beautiful thing: when we summon that courage and embrace vulnerability, we create space for genuine, meaningful connections. And isn't that what networking is really all about?

As you prepare for your next event, remember: you're not alone in your anxiety. But with a little preparation, a dash of courage, and a willingness to be just 15% more vulnerable, you can create unforgettable experiences - for yourself and others.

What's your experience with networking at events? Do you have any strategies for managing social anxiety? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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