15 Lessons I’ve Learned After My Father’s Passing

On the 6th of October this year, my father passed away. Navigating through this experience has taught me profound lessons, and I want to share them in hopes they may resonate or offer solace to others.

1. “We owe our children the best version of ourselves.” A dear friend shared this wisdom with me. It was originally passed to her by someone who also experienced a challenging relationship with her father. It has become a powerful reminder for me.

2. The loss of a parent leaves a void, no matter the relationship. Whether the bond was close or strained, their passing can evoke a profound sense of emptiness. For some, it’s not just the loss but the ache of what could have been. It’s essential to process these feelings rather than filling the void with vices. Connect with loved ones, nature, and healthy practices like journaling, meditation, therapy, and exercise. Your emotions are valid—acknowledge them so you don’t carry and transfer them onto others.

3. Don’t let bad actors distract you from those who genuinely care. In seeking the approval or attention of those who may not be present or supportive, we can become blind to the consistent, loving efforts of others who stand by us. Often, it is only with time, distance, or life changes that we recognize the people who have been our true pillars of support. Be mindful of where you invest your energy and attention. Cherish those who uplift you with their steady presence and unwavering care, even when it goes unnoticed at first.?

Some people may surround you, not out of genuine care, but because they profit from your talents, resources, or vulnerabilities.

4. Be cautious of those who benefit from your weaknesses. Some people may surround you, not out of genuine care, but because they profit from your talents, resources, or vulnerabilities. They may turn a blind eye to harmful habits or behaviors because it serves their interests. It’s important to recognize this dynamic and distance yourself from those who don’t challenge you to grow. Instead, value those who hold you accountable and encourage you to realize your full potential—not to criticize or control you, but to uplift and help you claim the true value of your contributions.

5. Breaking cycles is the best gift you can give your children. Becoming a parent has been both challenging and rewarding. I strive to ensure my child never experiences the same pain I did. It’s a conscious choice to create a nurturing and loving environment.

6. Our home environment becomes our baseline. It took me three decades to recognize this truth and another to begin healing from it. Working on making your home harmonious starts with you. It will ripple outward. Be prepared to let go of what no longer serves your growth to become a better version of yourself.

7. A society that enables bad behavior is not a healthy one. Being in environments that tolerate or promote negative actions only fosters a cycle of harm. Seek spaces that encourage accountability and personal growth.

8. Achievements are external; real growth happens within. What do you feel when no one is watching? Is the person you project to the world the same person you are at home? Living a double life takes a toll on loved ones and yourself. Accept who you are—acknowledge the unsavory parts—and work earnestly on self-improvement.

9. Your experiences are mirrors for growth. Anger and bitterness only disrupt inner peace. Reflect on what you do not want in your life and take control. You have the power to end cycles and build the life you truly want.

Health is wealth.

10. Don’t wait until it’s too late to express love or say sorry. Life is unpredictable. Make it a habit to communicate your appreciation and seek forgiveness when you have wronged others.

11. Death is inevitable; we take nothing with us. Preparing for that moment—through a will, trust, care arrangements, health directives and funeral plans—ensures peace for those left behind. Reflect on whether you are living a life that, when it ends, you can say with a full heart, “I did my best.”

12. Your beginning does not define your ending. We have the power to choose and create our own path.

13. Health is wealth. Loving and taking care of yourself is not just for you; it’s a gift to your family. Your well-being impacts theirs.

14. Shame and regret can be barriers to connection. Sometimes, individuals allow their past actions or perceived shortcomings to distance them from those they love. In some cases, they may even hide parts of their lives to avoid judgment or shame. Don’t let shame or regret dictate your life’s narrative or keep you from the relationships that matter most. Open communication and acceptance are key to overcoming these barriers and building genuine connections. Remember, it is never too late to repair and heal.

15. Love is eternal, but self-care is paramount. Loving someone unconditionally does not mean accepting harmful behavior or compromising your own well-being. True love sometimes requires setting boundaries for the sake of your mental health and inner peace, even if it defies cultural norms or others’ expectations. You are responsible for your own life—no one else lives in your skin, walks your path, or carries your burdens. Choose love through the choices that honor your peace and well-being, not through the demands or judgments of others.

As I continue to walk this path of grief, healing, and growth, I hold onto the words of a beloved poem:

“When you go, there is no shadow left of you — But in those who stay, your light remains true.”

May we all strive to become the light we wish to leave behind.

Thank you for reading, and I hope these lessons offer comfort and strength to anyone who may need it.