#15 - How to Have Deeper Connections

How to Have Deeper Connections in Business and Relationships

?

I have a male friend.? Well actually, it’s his wife who is my friend but he is a very genuine guy who is easy to chat to.? (To put it into perspective, my husband and I met them both right before our first baby was born 24 years ago.)

?

Now this guy did NOT come from an educated background, yet he rose to one of the highest positions in a well known Tech Company and he did it pretty fast too.? The boy did good!

?

Occasionally when I was returning from London either from a social or a work event, I would meet him on the train on the way home.

?

And we had a really great conversation the whole way home and we always ended up laughing and I couldn’t help but smile long after we had got off the train.

?

Being the curious character I am, ?I witnessed him in action (in a non- stalky way!) ?at social events too and I soon realised what made him so successful without having all the letters after his name or the accreditations.

?

I realised that whoever he is talking to, he makes you feel like you are the most important person in the room.? His body language is attentive, he leans in occasionally to make sure he understands and hears what you’re saying – and most importantly he listens to you which is shown when he asks the next question or replies to yours.

?

And I believe this is a real differentiator – a forgotten “art” or skill.

?

Simple communication skills.

?

Let me tell you about someone else who I noticed.

?

About 10 years ago before I was a Therapist and Mindset Coach, I worked for a very large Corporate IT company and I was asked to be on a panel to observe some University graduates who wanted to be on the graduate recruitment program. There were only about 3-5 places to award and there were over 20 young graduates attending and on this particular day it was our job to highlight the ones who stood out with their soft skills.

?

They were given a number of tasks to complete whilst we (the panel) observed them. And there were two that stood out for me, but one who was easily head and shoulders above everyone else.

?

He had the same skills that my friend had.? He listened well, he was able to turn stressful situations into calm and amicable ones and he had great communication skills.

?

I was pleased to see that the entire panel had also marked him highly above everyone else and recommended that we hire him immediately for the graduate program.

?

The CEO of our Company popped his head in to see how they were doing which was quite unusual as although he loved the program, he was only usually interested after they had been selected.?? But today he seemed really interested.

?

And he laughed at what we had written about this one young man and he told us why.

?

Turns out the very same young man had been on holiday in Spain just a few weeks earlier when he had seen and recognised the CEO of our Company who was staying in the same area.?

The young man recognised our CEO because he had researched the top 5 companies that he wanted to work for and had checked out everything he could about those 5 companies including who the Directors were.

?

When he saw our CEO in a bar, he brazenly went over to him and complimented him on something that had been in the press about him recently and of course he introduced himself.? Then they got chatting as our CEO (on a good day) was not a bad conversationalist too!

?

Our CEO was impressed with him immediately and told him about the graduate recruitment program whereupon the young man stated that he had never gone to University but that he was a very fast learner and was very keen to work for the Company.

Between them, they concocted a plan to get him on the assessment day with no other favours. If he could impress a tough panel of skilled observers, and could get 3 out of 5 recommendations for recruitment, then he would be hired onto the program regardless of his lack of University degree.

?

(Of course only the CEO could make that happen, if the young man proved to be good enough!!)

?

And of course he was.?

?

Which is why our CEO was chuckling to himself as he came over to ask us why we had ALL unanimously put him forward without knowing anything about his background or degree status.

?

So what makes us different and stand out as a great communicator?

?

Here’s a few pointers from the perspective of a Therapist and Success Mindset Coach who understands how we show up in life is a reflection of what we believe about ourself and how we are dealing with what has happened to us in the past.

?

So when you are meeting anyone at all, whether it be a CEO or an interview panel, or whether it’s the office junior or cleaner, or a potential partner, try this:

?

Listen to people without:

??????? Judging them

??????? Comparing yourself to them

??????? Thinking about how you should respond before they've finished speaking

??????? Trying too hard to make a good impression

??????? Fixating on forcing an outcome/having an agenda

??????? Being on the defence

??????? Trying to prove them wrong

??????? Deciding that you must be wrong

??????? Trying to gain evidence to prove you are right

??????? Being self conscious about your looks

??????? Trying to control the conversation

?

And then:

?

• Practice active listening to the person you’re talking to – making eye contact and nodding periodically to show you are listening
• Put all your focus and attention in that moment in to what they’re saying before moving on to someone else in the room
• Listen to them on an emotional level – what is their body language saying, what does their energy feel like? – Between 60-90% of our communication is non verbal!
• Be authentic!
• Find common ground - this is a great ice breaker if you are forced into unfamiliar networking situations or in a room full of people you don't know
• If appropriate, show empathy to how they’re feeling and relate a similar experience or feeling and how you dealt with it
• Injecting a little humour can work too!

?

Too many of us operate from closed hearts and fixed agendas and we fail to really notice what is going on right in front of us.

One of the most interesting observations I had whilst chatting with a new colleague was hearing him say "I've loved our conversation and could honestly talk to you for hours" but the funny part about it was that he had done all the talking and I had listened and added lots of questions because he was interesting.

So many people these days just want to be heard......

We all talk a lot, but how many of us are actively listening too?

What have you observed from watching how others communicate either good or bad?

?

Would love to hear your thoughts.

____________________________________________

??I support professionals and entrepreneurs to break through their upper limits and subconscious blocks that are holding them back

??Like this post?? Subscribe to my weekly Newsletter

?? Or drop me a DM if you’d like a “?????????????? ???? ??????????????” call

FREE PDF: “5 Essential Mindset Hacks for more impact, more income and more success” - Link in my bio.

#leadership #entrepreneurship #networking #motivation #successmindset