15 Books That Completely Transformed My Life

I used to be strongly of the opinion that people don’t change.  This is probably due to the fact that during my very early years, I would often hear it said that, “People can change for the better, but not much.”  However, my own experience has taught me that not only can people change, but they can change a lot.  More surprisingly, the key to this positive transformation is very simple.

The legendary Year 2000 (or Y2K) was memorable for many people and, looking back on it now, it was a very significant year for me.  While both my businesses were almost at their peak, I had been going through a divorce which left me feeling devastated and confused. So I decided to refocus and renew myself.  Numerous ideas sifted through my mind—everything from a complete change of career to relocating to a different part of the country.  But I didn’t do any of that in the end.  I simply decided that I would read a new book every month.  Yup, believe it or not, this was my “breakthrough” decision.

It’s not that I wasn’t already reading books, because I was.  Being heavily involved in technology and the financial markets, I used to read a lot on both of these topics.  However, my decision was not about reading more, but to consistently read things that were completely different.

The initial book I picked up, which had just been published at the time, was First, Break All the Rules by Marcus Buckingham.  Its title and contents completely re-energized me. It detailed exactly what the world’s greatest managers do differently.  Since then, I have read close to another 200 books covering topics including: communication, personal development, leadership, social psychology, behavioral economics, organizational development and, (my favorite) neuroscience.

Of these 200 books, which I digested over more than a decade, a small number stand out vividly from the rest.  The following 15 titles are the ones which completely transformed who I am.  They changed how I think, how I now see things, how I speak, and how I behave.  They fundamentally shaped and changed me into the person I am today.

Communication

Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, et al.  If you want to master the power of dialogue and what to say in difficult situations, this book provides you with all the tools you need. You will learn how to transform people and relationships, and also how to transform yourself.  Even today, I still use some of the simplest tools: state the facts, talk tentatively, explore other paths, start with heart, make it safe, etc.  

In the Line of Fire by Jerry Weissman. Presidential elections and highly visible litigations have always fascinated me in terms of how some people manage to handle difficult lines of questions and topics.  I never considered myself particularly eloquent and would always resist speaking in public.  This book gives practical guidance on how to handle public speaking and, specifically, how to handle the tough questions when it really counts.  Whenever I prepare and deliver presentations or speak at team and organizational meetings, I regularly use some of the main tools: the roman column, the buffer, the top spin, visual listening, and the discipline of preparation.

The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan & Barbara Pease.  So much of communication is not in what we say but how we say it with body language.  This book spells out in detail the techniques used to read body signals and how to be aware of your own, such as: signal “clusters”, common gestures of liars, the magic of smiles, mirroring, reading the room, etc.

Personal Development

What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith, a distinguished executive coach in corporate America.  His book details the 21 habits that hold us back from reaching the top, including: adding too much value; passing judgment; starting with “no”, “but” or “however”; making excuses; goal obsession; and so on.  He also provides valuable insight and tips for making the necessary changes.

How to Think like Leonardo da Vinci by Michael Gelb. The author discusses the 7 da Vinci Principles: curiosita, dimostrazione, sensazione, sfumato, arte/scienza, corporalita, and connessione.  Through reading this book, I learned to be more curious; formed skills to deal with uncertainty; and became appreciative of the need for constant balance between logic and imagination.  I can also credit my daily morning exercise regime to one of these principles.

A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink.  Prior to reading this book back in 2006, I was convinced that I was a left-brained machine, possibly due to my love of logic and structure.  I now appreciate the power of knowing how to use both sides of your brain and am able to incorporate the six senses of design, story, symphony, empathy, play, and meaning into many aspects of my professional activities.

Leadership

Winning by Jack Welch. Out of the many leadership books I have read, this one is, by far, the most practical and inspirational material.  I have read it at least 4 times and listened to the audio version more than 30 times while driving to my office over the past decade.  The 4E & P leadership quality framework (positive energy, ability to energize, edge, execution, and passion) is very intuitive and easy to apply.

Good to Great by James Collins.  This book is based on over 20 years of research into some of the most successful companies.  The research revealed that the main factor separating the good companies from the few great ones was the leader at the helm. It also highlights that these leaders possess two paradoxical qualities. They are humble but also driven by a strong resolve.  The author places emphasis on, “First who, then what.”—getting the right people on the bus, and then figuring out where to go.

Execution by Larry Bossidy & Ram Charan.  In this book I learned how to “live my business”, insist on realism, and focus on just a few clear priorities. I also learned the importance of following through, and other valuable tools in the discipline of getting things done. Possibly, the most important lesson in execution is in how to connect strategy to people and operations—the three must be connected.

 Influence

The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. The author brilliantly explains the three core drivers of a social epidemic and how to influence a change.  After reading the book, I always keep in mind the law of the few—connectors, mavens, and salesmen—in any change management or direction influencing activities.

Nudge by Richard Thaler & Cass Sunstein. This book is deep, amusing, and phenomenally insightful. It gives you tools for influencing that you will never have contemplated.  I often use its insights in practice: choice architecture, defaults, priming, expecting error, incentives, slippery slope, resisting temptation, and others.

The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz. The author explains why more is less and how a culture of abundance robs us of satisfaction.  Once you understand the subtle influences on human decision-making, you can then use these as tools to influence the decision-making processes of others.  Some of the most valuable concepts that I rely on heavily in managing organizational dynamics are: framing, loss aversion, trade-offs, omission bias, maximizing, and social comparison.

Subliminal

The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy.  In psychology, the maturity learning model evolves through 4 distinct stages: unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence.  This book explains how your mind works and how to tap into the powerful areas of your subconscious that allow you to build self-confidence, while increasing professional success and achieving overall happiness.  What we think and say tend to become self-fulfilling prophesies as we tend to become what we imagine ourselves to be.

Iconoclast by Gregory Berns. Iconoclasts are people who do things that others say can’t be done. This is because they have brains that differ in the three areas of perception, fear response, and social intelligence.  In this book, a neuroscientist shares the tools which allow you to think differently; remove barriers to creativity and innovation; and always see opportunities where others only see problems and difficulties.

Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. This book is a wonderful blend of behavioral economics, psychology, cognitive neuroscience, and philosophy. The renowned Harvard psychologist takes us on an entertaining journey so that we can better understand how the mind works—perception, imagination, memory, and our inability to predict.  I re-read this book periodically to better understand my own tendencies and those of others.

It is simply amazing how reading accelerates your maturity, so never underestimate it.  Most people are unlikely to remember everything they have read but this is okay. The little things that you do remember will become the sparks of your progress—accelerating you ahead of the others, not by days but by years.  Even if you remember nothing (which is unlikely), reading still has significant positive effects including stronger reasoning skills, improved focus, and general memory improvement. 

Happy reading!  If any of the mentioned books have made a difference in your life, please share your experiences in the comments below.