148/365 FAILURE: FEELING CRUSHED AND DEFEATED
This was my photo 2 hours before my final Masters thesis defense, standing confident and proud. As if I already had the win, but no… Two hours after this, I would have tripped before the finish line, I would have been crushed and humiliated, and I would have failed.
With failure comes both a physical and a psychological feeling. Your heart rate is erratic, your gut wrenches, and you feel like throwing up. Your body folds like a lobster in a defensive position. Your mind shifts from fear to surrender… It's a feeling I've felt many times.
I've failed fights and got KO'ed in under two seconds. I've failed major examinations in my master's education four times. I've been rejected by people with the accompanying embarrassment; I've disrespected my family with a feeling of disgrace. I've failed, and I know the feeling.
Two hours after this picture, I would be failing, and with it are the physical and psychological feelings. But since my body and mind knew this already, I became aware of what I was experiencing once more. I was quick to catch myself from further dread…?
"This is a failure… what did you do the last time you took an L? you took a day off and got back in the race the following day to set things right". Am I thankful that I failed? No, but am I thankful that I was reminded, now, and motivated not to feel the same feeling again.?