14 - The value of saying... No!
Aníbal Santoro
Onto-humanist psychoanalytic psychotherapist - Coach - Speaker - Doctor in Psychoanalysis
A "no" that is a "yes," as in "Changing the Observer," my weekly newsletter to check the value and weight of things.
The "no" is not to deny the other, but to give a "yes" to yourself, demanding that your presence be considered and respected.
It is the common denominator for everyone in the process called life. We build this "Self" from our unconscious, with our desire to live as the only driving force.
In the family and at school, attempts are made to contain this vital force through education, using fear, punishment and sometimes rewards and motivation.
However, this process of building a containment structure can be counterproductive when we are expected to obey without question, since we are not a device with an on/off switch.
Although there are people who can respond in this way, it is utopian to expect all of us to behave in the same way. This is obvious if you are familiar with OntoPsiquis?, the theory I developed with my colleague Dr. Claudia Behn-Eschenburg, in which we describe 10 natural personality types, normal and also different from each other, with 56 different profiles.
The attack on the Ego (that is your Self) is to make everyone ignore themselves and make it easier for them to control and manage us.
If you are a #teacher, #boss or #HR #manager, would you accept, after losing your position, to be in the place of "that" you manage, in other words, those people who want to sell their effort in exchange for a chance to live?
It is necessary to clarify that it is not a question of demanding that all the previously discussed explanations be given at the moment of requesting the execution of an action, but of accepting that people have their own way of receiving instructions, as well as their own criteria, creativity, disposition and way of carrying out a task.
We return to "Not the way you want it. Yes, the way I know how and the way I can."
"No" is a muffled scream that demands the respect that every human being deserves.
When we try to set a limit, it almost always begins with the word "no.
No to the other, to what he does, to what he wants, to what he thinks.
Change your observer and record in your memory how you feel when you see limits according to this concept:
“Limit: border that delimits a territory in which your life is possible”
Setting a limit is a yes that people give themselves when they respect their right to exist and to be considered.
Unfortunately, the other person usually does not understand what it is about and forces us to say "no" instead of expressing what we need and want to build our life every day.
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Next Monday, “Experience: the easy excuse"
#dranibalsantoro #ontopsiquis #thinscen #HR #consultancy #consulting #inner #strengthening #coaching, #psychoanalytic #psychotherapy