13 Common Mistakes Most Parents Make When Feeding Picky Eaters

If I had a nickel for every time I had to poke and prod my kids to “take a bite” or “finish a meal,” I’d have…? a shitload of nickels.

Feeding your kids nutritious whole foods can be challenging. As a nutritionist and parent, I care deeply about nourishing my kids with healthy plant-based foods to help them grow, develop, and feel their best. But, like most kids their age (8 and 6), all they ever want is cereal and cookies.?

I’ve tried everything over the years, from coercion tactics (no screens if you don’t finish your dinner!) to bribes (five more bites then you can have dessert!) to giving up and serving mac n’ vegan cheese for dinner. But now, I realize these are all colossal mistakes on my part. Mistakes that can lead to my kids developing unhealthy eating habits as they get older.?

The key is to help them cultivate a healthy relationship with food that will last a lifetime.

And how can you do that? By avoiding these common mistakes (that I’ve made a thousand times).

1. You only offer foods they like.

If it were up to my son, he’d eat peanut butter sandwiches exclusively.?

Avoid feeding them only foods they like because it’s less hassle.?

Keep offering new foods, but don’t make it a big deal. Just put it on their plate and see what happens. They don’t have to eat it, but eventually, they might.

2. You make mealtime stressful instead of fun and enjoyable.

Feeding your kids healthy foods doesn’t mean you need to make them choke down every last bite of broccoli.

A healthier approach is to make mealtime fun. Inject some silliness into the situation. Talk about your days. Play a family game while you eat. And, most importantly, don’t put pressure on them to eat everything.

3. You don’t let them choose what or how much they eat.

Children’s need for autonomy increases substantially as they grow out of toddlerhood.?

Give them the power to choose what they eat off their plate and how much of it.

It helps to remind them that they’re the only ones in their body. Therefore, they’re the only ones who know how full or hungry they are.?

This helps them recognize hunger cues and become more attuned to their bodies.

4. You don’t let them help cook or prepare meals.

Contrary to what you might think, kids love having grown-up jobs to do.?

Including them during meal prep is a fantastic way to get them to eat more at mealtime.?

The more they’re involved in meal preparation, the more likely they’ll eat the meal since they feel more connected to it. Depending on their age, have your kids wash produce, add seasonings, or chop fruits and veggies under supervision.?

5. You allow too many snacks before mealtime.

Can I have a snack? ranks at the top of every parent’s frequently asked questions list.?

Even if it’s a small, healthy snack, try not to give them anything within an hour before mealtime (as long as they’ve been eating well throughout the day).?

A kid with an appetite is much more likely to eat their meal than one who’s been snacking all day.

6. You discourage them from playing with their food.

I don’t see the harm in kids playing with food — as long as they’re not throwing it or being disrespectful.

Sitting down to eat is a struggle for my 6-year-old. What helps him enjoy mealtime is dipping foods in ketchup that have no business being dipped in ketchup. Getting up and walking around the table between bites. Blowing bubbles in his drink. And so on.?

Remember, they’re only kids. So let them be kids.

7. You don’t practice what you preach.

Like it or not, your kids pick up on your actions, even if it’s subconscious.

That’s why you must avoid poor eating habits. It won’t happen overnight, but you modeling healthy eating habits today has a downstream effect that will help them cultivate a healthy relationship with food as adults.

8. You make separate meals.

For years we’d make separate meals for our kids. Every. Single. Day.?

Eventually, it dawned on us to stop wasting time, energy, and food by just feeding them some of whatever we were having.?

However, kids have much different taste buds than adults. You can’t expect them to enjoy various flavors or eat spicy foods. So instead of making a separate dish for them, make a milder version of your meal or omit the spices to make it more palatable.

9. You offer praise and rewards for eating healthy foods.

To quote the hard-nosed J.K. Simmons in Whiplash — There are no two words in the English language more harmful than "good job."

There’s no need to praise, offer rewards, or bribe your picky eaters. Doing so will only lead to unhealthy relationships with food or teach them to expect praise for everything they do.?

10. You don’t follow a meal or snack schedule.

Despite what they may say, most kids thrive on routine.?

A consistent eating schedule will keep them energized and in good spirits. It will also help them recognize hunger cues and can even improve their digestion.

11. You don’t follow the 80/20 rule.

I don’t support diets that follow strict rules.?

These can lead to restrictive and obsessive eating patterns (not to mention potential eating disorders).?

The only rule my family subscribes to is the 80-20 Rule, where 80% of the time, you consume nutritious whole foods, and the other 20% you let loose and indulge in your favorite comfort foods.

Your kids don’t need to eat healthily 100% of the time. Giving them the freedom to choose and enjoy treats 20% of the time helps them build healthier relationships with food.?

12. You give up too soon.

Don't give up if your picky eater refuses to try certain foods.?

Keep offering them. The more your kids are exposed to a certain food, the more likely they’ll try it.?

Just don’t make a big deal about it. If they protest, tell them it’s OK, they don’t have to eat it this time. Zero pressure. Eventually, they may come around.

13. You make them finish everything on their plate.

If you grew up thinking you had to finish every bite of food on your plate, join the club.

But what’s the point??

I’m not promoting food waste (you can always save what they don’t eat for leftovers). But forcing your kids to eat every bite of food when they’re full or not hungry isn’t healthy.?

Ask them to check in with their tummy and see how they feel. If they’re genuinely full, they can be done.?

But that doesn’t mean dessert or a snack 10 minutes later!