12/31/24 We'll Do It My (The Only) Way!

In late October 2024, I moved to a new apartment complex an hour's drive from the comfort zone I'd been living in for ten years.

So, being new to the area and not knowing anyone/eager to meet new people, I searched meetup dot com groups for my new city and joined a group who do a trivia thing on Monday nights.

As a bit of context, I'm no stranger to playing trivia; I've played in city and regional championships.

So I know how the game is played.

Don't have your phone out when the team is answering the trivia question; if you know the answer, be careful not to say it too loud so that competing teams won't hear; that's simple "strategery" (as my old trivia jockey in Austin used to say).

However, this situation quickly became toxic.

On my first night playing, being competitive, and knowing an answer, I told the lady who had taken it upon herself the sole responsibility of writing down answers—to which she promptly put her hand over my face and told me to "shush."

I let it slide.

Being rather competitive when playing myself, I understand that tension is possible in the heat of the moment.

However, in the succeeding weeks, such behavior continued; not only directed at me, but to others on the team.

Things came to a head on my 4th time playing.

First I was screamed at for not being loud enough when trying to have a conversation with her about a potential answer.

Then, in answering, being told to shush because the team at the next table might hear.

Ignoring the fact the music is so loud and there is only one other team, with kids jumping around and making noise.

At which point I drew a line.

Calmly, I waved my server over and told him to close me out.

Then said calmly: "This is lame. I'm leaving."

To the consternation of nearby team members; why?

I replied: "I'm not here to be screamed at. Every time I've played that lady is screaming at me or someone else."

And, before I made my exit, gave them two answers they needed to win the round. LOL

Paid for my bean nachos, went to the restroom, then walked back to the table and said "Have fun."

And walked out.

Now, one of the reasons I'm writing this is a growth in my emotional intelligence.

Usually in this situation, I would flip out.

Become aggressive and loud, and use expletives at being treated unfairly.

It's happened many times, whether in a corporate or personal situation.

So, I can give myself a pat on the back for handling the situation in a calm, rational manner.

(Although, as self-feedback, I could have used a different word than "lame;" something more constructive, like "abhorrent.")

Also, as an established group with new members interested in joining, it's off-putting, to say the least.

Here is a new person who can help you win; instead of welcoming them, you get upset at anything they say.

Unfortunately, this is all too common in the workplace, as well.

Managers and shift leads screaming at new employees, who are already nervous enough about trying to learn the new position;

Micromanaging and demanding things can only be done one way when there are many different ways to solve a problem;

Established employees feel threatened by new employees coming in, offering fresh perspectives on how to solve ongoing issues.

As full disclosure, I'm certainly guilty of some of these.

To finish off my forgettable stint in this group and meetup, I sent a private message to the organizer who scheduled the event on behalf of the meetup, But I've never met as she didn't attend while I was playing.

I let her know the situation at the event and how it was toxic to everyone trying to play.

As I don't know her, she may be close friends with this person, and all the feedback was for naught.

Nevertheless, toxic behavior must be called out. If not for yourself, then for others who may also receive the toxic behavior and are too afraid to speak up.