12 Thinking Errors

The sword is the mind

When the mind is right, the sword is right.

When the mind is not right, the sword is also not right.

He who wishes to study the sword, must first study his mind.

Toranosuke Shimada ( 島田虎之助 )

The metaphor of the Sword has long been used cross culturally to symbolise the highest aspects of the Mind. Just as a Sword cuts in both directions, so too can the Mind dissect both sides of an issue until the basic fact (Truth) is revealed. To be used effectively a Sword must be well kept. It must be sharp and strong. More importantly it must be handled with care and great skill. In Zen there are 3 stages to the development of mastery of the Sword. In the first stage the person and the Sword become one. In the second stage, the Sword resides not in the hand, but, in the heart. And in the final stage, the Sword disappears altogether as the warrior embraces all around them and the desire to kill no longer exists. Only peace remains. 

As a Coach, I am always curious to understand how my clients think. And in particular the beliefs that they hold. Belief determines action, and the actions we take transform our lives. So I am constantly curious to understand the thought process people apply in order to arrive at their beliefs, and to pay attention to certain thinking errors that can arise. These errors can contribute to making the Sword blunt or brittle, unable to effectively dissect both sides of an issue. 

The most popular Coaching model in use today across the corporate world is the GROW model. Originally developed by Sir John Whitmore, it comes from the field of Cognitive Behavioural Coaching (CBC). CBC focuses primarily on thinking, affect and performance and is the most evidence based Coaching modality that exists. Not that other Coaching modalities don’t yield results, they do. And not that CBC is without its limitations, they exist. However, from a science based perspective CBC has the most evidence to support its effectiveness. The basic idea underlying the modality is that the way a person feels or behaves is largely determined by the beliefs they hold and their appraisal of a particular situation or problem.  

CBC defines 12 thinking errors for a Coach to pay attention to when conducting a conversation. Being aware of what these errors are and helping to raise awareness in the client when they arise is crucially important to enabling the client to gain greater responsibility for the effective use of their Sword/Mind. So what are these thinking errors?

1. Mind reading / jumping to conclusions

This involves jumping to foregone conclusions without the relevant information. Relying simply on one's own current perspective rather than associated data or others perspectives to understand the ‘facts of the matter’. I see this a lot in clients, where there is a missing conversation. A client has come to a foregone conclusion about how another is thinking or feeling about an issue, without having taken the time to engage in a conversation with that other individual from a place of open curiosity. It can also arise when folks assume negative intent on the part of another, and in these circumstances one of the best antidotes is to do the opposite. To assume positive intent and then engage in a conversation with curiosity to understand just exactly where the other is coming from and what value their perspective has to offer. 

2. All or nothing thinking

This involves evaluating experiences on the basis of extremes, such as ‘excellent’ or ‘ awful’. When this happens folks can get stuck in rigid points of view, when in fact the reality is that any experience has an infinite amount of possible meanings that can be attached to it. This type of thinking error can also be associated with manic/depressive patterns. 

3. Blame

John Gottman in his work on relationship toxins describes blame as one of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. It’s arrival signalling real issues in the relationship if not addressed effectively. Blame is victim consciousness and involves not taking responsibility and blaming somebody or something else for a problem. This abdication of personal responsibility is also an abdication of personal freedom, as freedom is a two edged Sword - one side liberty, the other side responsibility. Blaming also causes others to become defensive, which is another horseman of the apocalypse when it comes to relationships according to Gottman. The defensiveness triggered by blame can lead to a massive amount of wasted energy in organisations with folks constantly looking to cover their backs. I remember when I joined Salesforce, what a relief it was to be working within a culture that took a no blame approach. Rather, the company simply encouraged folks to take full responsibility for their actions and be honest so that issues could be surfaced and the teams could move forwards together quickly and smoothly with full awareness of the circumstances on the ground. It was truly liberating to experience a culture based on this principal and I was delighted to find when I moved to Google that the same principal held sway.  

4. Personalization

This involves taking events or feedback personally. This typically happens when our values or identity get touched as that is what triggers our emotional states the most. It’s antidote is to understand our personality as an evolving process rather than a fixed structure. And to view feedback as a gift that helps us grow and evolve, rather than get defensive when it is offered. Of course you don’t need to like the feedback and you don’t need to keep it. Not all feedback is equally valuable. That is for the person to decide for themselves. However, it is so important to allow oneself to receive it and to view it objectively. One of the most beautiful examples of not taking things personally was offered to me by one of my teachers from Gabon. This wise soul told me that whenever she receives a compliment she never takes it personally, rather she passes it back to the ancestors, her teachers and all those folks who through their human presence in the moment shared with her the gift of their wisdom. Equally, whenever she receives a criticism she doesn’t take that personally either, but sends it back to the ancestors and gets curious about how the feedback may help her step more into the light and heal some of her ancestral trauma. 

5. Fortune-Telling

An interesting one for Sales people who engage in the dark art of fortune telling each time they deliver their forecast. Of course none of us truly knows what the future holds. Black Swan events such as the COVID pandemic are a strong reminder to us all of this. And yet not knowing and questioning, living in uncertainty, is difficult for many. The thinking error of fortune-telling can then arise and rests on an assumption that one always knows what the future holds. 

6. Emotional reasoning

This involves mistaking feelings for facts. As Kerry Patterson author of Crucial Accountability notes, “the archenemy of healthy dialogue is your inability to master your emotions.” We absolutely need to honour how we are feeling and recognise the impact that a situation or another's words evokes within us. This is important data to connect with. And a gift of feedback we may choose to offer the other in terms of how they are landing with us. However, we also need to fully own this internal experience as our unique response to the situation. Recognising that there are also other possible responses one could take and separating our emotional reaction to events from the facts of the event themselves. A prime example of emotional reasoning in the modern world is the rise of outrage and cancel culture. 

7. Labeling

This involves using labels or global ratings to describe yourself and others. Turned inwards it may manifest as negative self talk at an identity level. For example, saying to yourself “I’m a total idiot”. Of course you may have acted like an idiot in a certain context. But, it's important to understand that you can be an idiot, not an idiot, and THAT which is beyond it, all at the same time. Turned outwards, this error results in othering and the formation of stereotypes. 

8. Demands

This involves peppering your narrative with rigid or inflexible thinking such as ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ : making demands of yourself and others. This is a big one and a clear signal that limiting beliefs and rigid thinking patterns hold sway. As a Coach it is good to reflect back to the client whenever you hear this inflexible rule based thinking emerge as it limits possible action. By letting go of these self-imposed rigid rules in our thinking we open ourselves up to expanded possibilities. So move beyond ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ to simply choices and responsibility for the consequences of those choices. 

9. Magnification or awfulizing 

This involves blowing events out of all proportion. Creating a storm in a teacup. Of course often such an approach will happen as an individual is seeking to create drama in order to support an outcome or agenda they hold. However, it can also happen simply because the individual is addicted to the drama. The antidote here is to put things in context, to see the bigger picture. To not simply focus on the problem, but to allow one's peripheral vision to also connect with one’s resources and a deeper understanding of our place in the cosmos. For me, simply witnessing the naked brilliance of the voluptuous night sky or contemplating this little blue dot of a rock hurtling through space on which we all live, is a way to come back to a greater perspective on the truth of my experience and my relationship to events as they unfold around me. 

10. Minimisation 

This involves minimising the part one plays in a situation. It manifests as citing other factors rather than one’s own role when acknowledging impact on an outcome. For example, a Salesperson who overachieves on their number putting it down to the fact it was a soft target or that they simply got lucky with the territory allocated to them. Our stories are important. The tales we tell ourselves and others have the ability to inspire and uplift and act as real resources to us both individually and collectively. Using in-power language to tell one’s story is something I encourage my clients to lean into. Interestedly the research shows that women are much less likely to use in-power language than men so again something to watch out for when Coaching your clients. 

11. Low frustration tolerance

We lower our tolerance to frustrating situations and stress when we tell ourselves “I can’t stand it”. Our ability to endure both mentally and physically is far greater than we often appreciate. As a recent convert to ice swimming I can strongly attest to this fact. Also, the positive psychology literature is clear on this topic. The best attitude to the present is to endure it. So learn to find that balance point, that sweet-spot in your mind/body tuning, where you can open up a space to be with whatever is going on in your life, and then find some creative new ways to engage with it. 

12. Phoneyism

This one is an old chestnut! It involves believing that you may get found out by significant others as phoney or an imposter. Anyone who has moved to a new company or taken on a new role will most likely resonate with this. And of course all sorts of ego defence mechanisms often kick-in when we find ourselves stuck in this thinking error. There are, no doubt, many different antidotes to this. The one I share with my clients is based on an identity re-frame. A letting go of who they think they are and a re-framing of their identity to be simply Life! As I look outside my window this morning bright yellow rays of sunshine are sparkling on the freshly fallen white snow. And as I breathe in the cold air from the slightly open window, I contemplate each snowflake that has fallen. I wonder in awe at the magic of how each one is utterly unique in terms of its crystalline structure. So too is each human being utterly unique. This is our beauty. Each one of us is a unique version of Life that never was and never will be again. Each with special gifts to offer the world and an important voice to add to the magnificent chorus of humanities songs. Each just Life, as a Snowflake is just Snow. Part of the whole. And the thing to remember about Life, is that it is absolutely amazing. It doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone ever, to be amazing. So that’s what I encourage folks to hold to. As Bruno Mars says, you are amazing just the way you are! So sink into the depths of your being, connect with the uniqueness of what you have to offer and bring it forth into the world. This is your greatest calling - to be utterly yourself.

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” - William Shakespeare  

Aluba Fenix is an Executive Coach working at Google supporting Sales leadership Development. His mission is to help people upgrade their levels of well-being and performance. To discover more about his work visit Vivid Imagination.