12 Steps to a Compassionate Divorce
Linda Kroll
Founder @ Compassionate Communication Academy | Compassionate Mediation?, Compassionate Communication and Conflict Resolution, Relationship Healing, Continuing Education Credits - Training for Professionals
A Compassionate Divorce is possible.
You can create one for your own relationship – or you can help your clients.
You can terminate your relationship with the same love and kindness with which it began. Love is the answer, but it starts with loving yourself.
With these twelve steps, you can create an ending that allows for a new beginning.
(1)?Believe a Compassionate Divorce possible.
(2)?Know the difference between codependent and compassionate.
(3)?Bring your best SELF to the process.
(4)?Learn the 5 Steps to Receive What You Want and Need.
(5)?Practice the Miracle of Empathy — with yourself first, then your?partner.
(6)?Explore all your options.
(7)?Understand your finances.
(8)?Become fully informed of your rights and responsibilities.
(9)?Process all your feelings.
(10) Take the time you need to feel balanced and healthy.
(11) Make the connections you need to feel supported.
(12)?Co-create the relationship you desire and deserve.
Step 1: Believe a Compassionate Divorce is possible!
A Compassionate Divorce is not an oxymoron — an expression with contradictory words. It is s gift you give yourself and your family. Knowing it can be accomplished will help you have the mindset you will need when you are challenged to retaliate for something your spouse (or their attorney) does – or doesn’t do.
Step 2: Know the difference between codependent and compassionate.
Your needs matter, and you will clearly and confidently know what they are and how to ask for them. You can negotiate with courage and not be afraid of conflict.
Step 3: Bring your best SELF to the process.
Instead of reacting in anger, withdrawal, judgment, guilt, or fear, you will pro-actively relate with mindfulness and consciousness of how you are being.
You will learn a new way to compassionately communicate that fosters connecting to your best Self, letting go of limiting beliefs, unburdening pain from the past, and relating from your heart – even as you let go and move on.
Step 4: Learn the 5 Steps to Receive What You Want and Need.
As you become more Self-led, you will:
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Step 5: Practice the Miracle of Empathy – with yourself first, then your partner.
You will understand that no matter what behavior your spouse is showing you, they are just as sad, scared and hurt as you are. With a connection to your higher self and deeper knowing, you can learn how to share your feelings using “I messages,” instead of offering judgments about them. You will learn how to truly listen, understand, and offer empathy that will allow you and your spouse to put down your emotional weapons and listen with respect and kindness.
Step 6: Explore all your options.
You are committed to be open to all possibilities as you consider counseling, Compassionate Mediation?, separation or divorce. You continue to explore all options for property division, maintenance, and shared parenting. You are review all the important issues with a willingness to consider all perspectives.
Step 7: Understand your finances.
You feel informed and clear about what you own, what you owe, and total value of your marital and non-marital estate.
Step 8: Become fully informed of your rights and responsibilities.
You consult a mediator or attorney who gives you all the necessary legal information needed for informed negotiating.You will be certain that you feel comfortable that you are fully aware and in charge of the process that will affect the rest of your life.
Step 9: Process all your feelings.
You realize that decisions made from anger, fear or guilt are not in the best interests of yourself or your family. You take time to unburden the pain and sadness so that you are truly able to make informed and healthy choices for your future.
Step 10:?Take the time you need to feel balanced and healthy.
You don’t wait until the divorce is final before you take better care of yourself. You make SELF-care a priority now so that you bring your best Self to the process before you make life-altering decisions
Step 11:?Make the connections you need to feel supported.
Find a mediator, attorney, therapist, financial planer, coach or clergy who will provide the guidance you need as you move through the process.
Step 12:?Co-create the relationship you desire and deserve.
As you practice the first 11 steps, you will know that your future relationship can be more respectful and kind, even as former spouses.
You will be practicing better self care as you move into the next chapter of your life.
You will become:
You can do it! And you can help your clients do it too!
You can create a Compassionate Divorce — even if your spouse doesn’t co-operate.
Also, get your FREE CHAPTER of my award-winning book, Compassionate Mediation?: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
Together, we can change the face of divorce — one heart at a time!