#12 - The Simple Nature of Happiness: A Quick Reminder

Every morning I have the pleasure of accompanying my lovely daughter, Pilar, to kindergarten. At the young age of three, she is an exceptionally bright child, but also incredibly clingy and also jealous of her eight-month-old brother, Kiko. It is an entirely normal part of her development, and as parents, my wife and I sometimes struggle to meet her needs, which is also entirely normal.

But what the hell am I talking about here? Kids? I have engaged you on topics such as economics, society, psychology, and organizational behavior... Why have I chosen the kids topic today? Well, we'll get there, but the truth is, children are an integral part of a parent's life, bringing immense joy and, at times, profound sorrow and frustration. These emotions can impact our thoughts, behavior, and performance, so discussing children in the context of "Thoughts of a Simple Man" seemed totally fitting. Today, however - as you may have guessed by the title - my thoughts are centered around happiness. Stick with me!

Today, while taking Pilar to school, she employed every tactic to delay her departure: Desires to switch outfits, present us with an endless stream of goodbyes (even the dogs) indulge in a second breakfast, and engage in make-believe acts of peeing and pooping and changing her dolls' diapers... These are her ways of showing that she prefers to stay home with us! Despite her resistance, today was essential to focus on our jobs early on and ensure she arrived at kindergarten on time. As psychologists, our inherent curiosity drives us to explore behavior and development, with a keen interest - since parenthood became a goal - in the principles of positive and conscious parenting. Yet, even with this background, there are days when we, too, may stumble.

Today was one such day, with Pilar expressing sadness, anger, and frustration through a colossal tantrum. I gently took her into my arms, embraced her lovingly, and reassured her that it was entirely natural to feel upset given her desire to remain at home with us, and that expressing emotions through tears is a normal response when we are angry or sad. She needed more time for my approach to work, and I didn't have it... So I had to take her against her will. Eventually, Pilar's mood shifted as we sang and clapped along to her favorite song, Grace Kelly by MIKA, while driving to school. When we reached the school, she hugged me tightly and said: "Daddy, your my biggest friend, and I'm your friend too, ok?" which I interpreted as an expression of gratitude and love.

Upon entering the shool, Pilar excitedly leaped from my arms and ran towards her friend Luísa, greeting her with a heartwarming hug. In spite of the emotional turmoil experienced just 15 minutes before, both girls emanated an aura of sheer joy and affection.

This was the moment I knew I had to write about happiness. This eye-opening encounter led me to the profound realization that happiness is indeed our inherent state of being, which can sometimes be clouded by the weight of our personal beliefs and preconceived expectations.

Many of us pursue happiness, only to find it quick and elusive. Basing happiness on external factors, renders it unattainable. Rather, happiness is a state of mind requiring conscious effort and silencing negative inner voices.

While seeking happiness remember it is intrinsic, not an external goal. It is like the ever-present sky—temporarily hidden but never lost. It is inherent and can only be revealed, not bought or acquired.

Also, as social beings, humans thrive on connections and relationships. Our well-being is profoundly influenced by the bonds we form with others, whether they are family, friends, or romantic partners. By supporting each other, we create a nurturing environment that fosters happiness even in the face of adversity. So I think that having meaningful relations helps a lot in being happy. Just remember that the interior effort must exist.

Happiness originates within, influenced by our internal state and the quality of our relationships. To experience true happiness, we must remove obstacles cluttering our inner space, such as addictions, unhealthy behavior, and negative emotions and sometimes toxic people.

Moreover, it is essential to remember that the belief that happiness entails the absence of burdens and hardships is, in itself, a factor contributing to unhappiness. Life is a journey marked by a blend of highs and lows, and achieving happiness involves navigating the lows as gracefully as enjoying the highs. Once again, it is your inner force that determines how you engage with the "problem," because the problem itself is never the true issue. Rather, the essence lies in the state of mind with which you approach the problem.

Existing in this natural state of peace and happiness promotes healing and well-being. Pilar's story serves as a reminder of how simple it is to be happy. Kids are still free from limiting beliefs and preconceptions of what life is about, and so we can learn from them about how simple it should and can be to be happy.

Remember, happiness is an innate quality to be discovered through personal growth, introspection, and fostering meaningful relationships that enrich our lives, even in the face of the greatest burdens.

Thank you for reading this edition of "Thoughts of a Simple Man". If you enjoyed it, please consider subscribing, commenting and sharing with whoever needs to read it. I always appreciate feedback and ideas for future topics. If you have any thoughts or just want to say "Hi", please do so. I welcome the opportunity to engage in meaningful dialogue and discussion.