12 Rules for Life (7 - 9)

Continuing our discussion of Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, we start with pursuing what is meaningful. This is pointing towards your purpose.

Rule 7 — Pursue What Is Meaningful (Not What Is Expedient)

Peterson points out the obvious to us, that life is primarily made up of suffering, and to most of us, the simplest thing to do about suffering is to pursue pleasure at every turn — have sex, do drugs, drink to intoxication, and take without giving a hoot back. But that does not end our suffering, it only exacerbates it more.

Peterson explains that some humans have figured out a different way to deal with it. What is this discovery? We can make sacrifices and delay gratification to develop a better future for ourselves and bring meaning to our lives. The hard thing is that living a life filled with meaning requires putting aside instant pleasure. It means knowing we each have a responsibility to ourselves and to others to build a better world for us all. We do this by making sacrifices for the greater good and ourselves to pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).

“There are many problems that money does not solve, and others it makes worse. Rich people still divorce each other, alienate themselves from their children, and suffer from existential angst, and develop cancer and dementia, and die alone and unloved.”

Rule 8 — Tell The Truth — Or, At Least, Don’t Lie

So, you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, or you want to avoid certain situations, so you don’t tell the truth. You don’t necessarily lie; you just don’t tell the truth. This can cause you and others all sorts of messes in the future. Have you ever told a lie or “untruth,” and then sometime later, someone asks you about the situation knowing what you said then? Embarrassingly, you can’t remember because it wasn’t the truth, and you just made up an answer to get through the situation.

Yes, sometimes you’ll have no idea what to say to a person, so the best thing is just to tell the truth. Don’t be timid or shy about it; tell it with strength, confidence, and genuine caring. This will not only keep you out of trouble later when you can’t recall what you said, but it will also build trust in others who know you will always tell the truth.

“It is our responsibility to see what is before our eyes, courageously, and learn from it, even if it seems horrible. This is particularly important when it challenges what we know and rely on, upsetting and destabilizing us. It is this act that informs the individual and updates the state. Nietzsche said that a man’s worth was determined by how much truth he could tolerate.”

Rule 9 — Assume That The Person You Are Listening To Might Know Something You Don’t

We have all been on both sides of the type of conversation where you or the other person is just waiting for your turn to talk. This really is rude and even a problem I struggle with when I am passionate about the subject. The problem is that we don’t learn anything new and beneficial when we aren’t listening. While my mantra is “While I Teach, I Learn,” I don’t really learn when I am talking. I learn when I am studying the subject before I teach, but even more effectively, I learn from those I am teaching when I listen to their ideas in response.

Peterson tells us we should, instead, practice the skill that will take us far for the rest of our life: active listening. Listening, understanding, and responding well is critical for your learning, growth, health, and, more importantly, the health of your community. Always assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t — because they always will!

“Carl Rogers suggested his readers conduct a short experiment when they next found themselves in a dispute. Stop the discussion for a moment and institute this rule: Each person can speak up for himself only after he has first restated the ideas and feelings of the previous speaker accurately and to that speaker’s satisfaction.”

On Monday, we'll wrap up Peterson's 12 Rules for Life with 10 - 12.

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Have a great weekend, Gordon

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