12 Life Hacks I Wish I’d Known Sooner as a Working New Dad

(#8 is being gifted to every friend with a newborn)

Our beautiful Lyra recently turned one.

It's been the toughest 12 months of the 586 I've known.

• The first months were especially hard. I lived in constant fear of damaging the delicate tiny human in my care (whether through ignorance or oversight). Broken, irregular sleep didn't help.

• For about 6 months I lost touch with the things that made me "Me" - the gym, playing the piano, listening to trance, watching films in French. Even daily gratitude was lost in the busy-ness of Keeping Baby Alive.

• Partly due to the above, our marriage was tested like never before - we had more arguments in the 3 months following Lyra's birth than in the preceding 96.

But as Roosevelt said, "Nothing worth having comes easy."

And is this worth having?

Absofknlutely.

Here are 12 insights that eased the journey.

I hope you find some of use.

Executive Summary

1. Make time for "Homework For Life" *
2. Huberman isn’t having a baby*
3. Averages are not for you*
4. Charge your phone*
5. Early mornings
6. Do it now
7. Ask Jupiter
8. Nasal aspirator
9. The most powerful ‘e’
10. They grow so damn quickly
11. Diarise date nights and talks
12. Make time for personal wellness

* The first 4 are useful even before becoming a parent.

~ The Detail ~

1. Make time for "Homework for Life"

This is from Storyworthy by Matthew Dicks, an award winning master storyteller and serial Moth Grand Slam winner.

(I recommend the book for a full breakdown of the many ways it enrichens Life)

1. Start a spreadsheet with two columns. One for the date, one for the entry.
2. Every day, take 5 minutes to find your most storyworthy moment(s) of the day.
3. Note it in a few words.

As a parent, yours will be dominated by memories of your child.

And that's not just OK, it's priceless...

"Our lives are filled with beautiful, unforgettable moments with our children that turn out to be entirely and tragically forgettable." - Matthew Dicks

Here's a week from mine.

So many beautiful moments, otherwise tragically forgettable.

2. Huberman isn’t having a baby

"Dr Huberman says it's important to get sunlight first thing," I said as I opened the curtains.

"Dr Huberman isn't having a baby," said my irate wife, trying to get comfortable during the onset of labour.

I closed the curtains.

Also see #3 ??

3. Averages are not for you

“Quy, call the doula and fill the pool,” Jade said as she grimaced with another contraction.

“You sure?” I queried, consulting guidelines on the time between contractions.

• If you call the doula too soon, they spend hours waiting for the main event.
• If you fill the birthing pool too soon, the water cools, it’s a major faff to empty and top up.

According to the experts, it was too soon.

“Just fkn do it!” she said.

Bonus tip: if your partner doesn’t normally swear…

Kathryn our doula arrived shortly and went up to the bedroom.

I started to fill the pool.

Kathryn came down.

“I think Jade might give birth soon. How’s the pool?”

The blood drained from my face. I was 15 minutes into the required 90.

“You had one job, Quy. One job,” I berated myself.

I pictured Jade giving birth on the bed. A waterpool freebirth was what she had her heart set on. We’d spent months preparing.

No, no, no. Noooo.

I’d not been this scared of what might happen next in a long time.

This wasn't the first time she'd asked me to do something and I'd... delayed.

As I cursed the slow trickle from the kitchen taps, it suddenly hit me.

Evian Water had been on promotion. We’d stocked up and had 15 large bottles left.

I tipped the lot in and sprinted upstairs to let Jade know.

And breathe (me).

Barely 20 minutes later, our daughter entered this world into a pool of the finest Evian water.

Averages are not true for most people.

Trust your (partner’s) instincts.

4. Charge your phone

I've long had an obsession with not letting my phone drop below 80% charge when at home (in case there's a fire, or aliens attack, and we have to leave without warning).

An hour after Lyra's birth, we were suddenly being rushed to hospital.

As I waited for Jade to come out of the operating theatre, I'd never been so glad to have a full battery.

Unexpected Events are now a fact of life.

At any moment you might have to drop everything and dash out.

5. Early mornings

I used to be a night owl.

Now 5.30am to 7.30am (8am on a good day) is the only plan I can make that's 90% sure to happen as intended.

I use it for writing and essential client work.

6. Do it now

LinkedIn is full of "I had a baby and it taught me x about running a business."

Flipping the script, my training as an area manager for Aldi resurfaced after 2 decades to help keep the house in order, whilst staying on top of client work and diaper changes.

The little things? Do them as and when they arise.

Don't put off til tomorrow what can be done tonight, however tired you are.

Start the day with a clean slate - the morning will likely be filled with Unexpected Events.

Bonus tips:

• Have a place for everything, and maintain the system. There's no time to waste looking for things.
• When going from A to B, see if anything needs moving from A to B, or if there's an additional task you can quickly do en route.
• Get it right first time. Time is too precious to revisit past endeavours.

7. Ask Jupiter

This is our nickname for Chat-(gee-pe-tuh).

Googling is too inefficient - wading through ads, and content that's on page 1 because it's been search optimised (not because it's the best answer).

That said, depending on what's at stake, I'll double check with Google.

One of my go-to prompts is,

"Explain x to me in terms an 18 year old would understand."

It's the sweet spot of simplicity and depth.

Jupiter can also help with:

• Price / availability research
• Ideas for days out
• Ideas for recipes

8. Nasal aspirator

Your child will catch a cold. That's a given.

There are few things so distressing as hearing their raspy breathing as they struggle to fall asleep.

If only they had the motor skills to blow their nose...

Enter the best ￡7.99 / $10 I've EVER spent.

• One tube goes in a nostril (IMPORTANT: the baby's).
• You suck through the other.
• The pot in the middle stops mucus from going in your mouth.

Genius. It's a travesty this hasn't won a Nobel Prize.

From hereon in, every friend who gives birth is getting one of these.

#PayingItForward

PS.

To clear the tubes, you fill the pot with water, then blow hard. This is oddly satisfying - almost as much as watching the mucus clear from their airways.

9. The most powerful ‘e’

A fantastically potent gratitude reframe.

Instead of, "I got to do this..."

Make it, "I gEt to do this..."

Instead of "I've got to change her diaper,"

I remind myself, "I get to change her diaper."

Many are not so fortunate. My soul weeps when I think of parents in Ukraine, Israel or Gaza.

I also remember when we were trying to conceive. After a long time with no success, we were steeling ourselves to face infertility testing and the daunting prospect of IVF...

Then Jade wee'd on a stick in the middle of the night and it turned the right colour.

I GET to change Lyra's diaper.

10. They grow so damn quickly

So many people said this to us it became an irritating cliché:

Enjoy every moment, it’ll be over before you know it.

The thing about clichés is, they’re true.

Our little girl started nursery today.

Not long before she’s too big to snuggle on my chest when she sleeps.

Not long before she’s asking to be dropped off down from the school gates, so her friends don’t see me. Probably.

So I say to you:

Enjoy every moment, it’ll be over before you know it.

11. Diarise date nights and talks

Put recurring events in your calendar for date nights, and uninterrupted conversations that run deeper than "Have you topped up the diaper bag?"

Respect these commitments as you would a meeting with your largest customer or investor.

12. Make time for personal wellness

This is a tough one. There are only so many hours in the day, and something had to give.

My priorities after the birth were:

• Jade's and Lyra's immediate needs
• Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry
• Client work

Anything else was a luxury my time budget couldn't afford.

Then Jade and I realised we were snapping at each other, even more than sleep deprivation could account for.

I remembered that going to the gym and playing music are more than luxuries or mere hobbies.

There is no universal solution here - the insight is to be conscious of how much these things can affect your wellbeing and mood.

"You can't pour from an empty cup."

As soon as you physically can, get back into the things that ignite your soul.

If finances allow, consider hiring a cleaner and/or purchasing pre-made (healthy) meals.

If babysitters are available, don't feel guilty using the time to catch up on what makes you "You".

What would you add?

I'd love to hear in the comments, as we enter Year #2 with gratitude and more than a touch of nervousness...

Here's to the next 12 months.

With gratitude,

Quy