12 Ironclad "Aha's" (Not Sexy) For Cultivating LinkedIn Connections

"It's like you were inside my brain...but, in a good way!" (Brian Scott Carey)

You click to "connect" with another Linkedin person (otherwise, what brings you here except for job hits?) You're hoping to get referrals and business. But, will they "possibly" be helpful? If you want to be successful your challenge is this: "How do I get into a person's brain...but in a good way?"

After almost 14 years of online networking, and building two of the largest B2B networks in the country in St. Louis (Peak Performers' Network) and Dallas/Ft. Worth (High Achievers' Network) I've learned a few things (still learning) and I offer you these 12 considerations to help you get "get into a person's brain" in the referral-source sphere of Linkedin et al.

First, what signs reveal if a person might be willing to brainstorm? Here are four:

Thank them for the connection and then ask: "What are you hoping to gain or benefit from via Linkedin?"

1. The speed with which they accept your invitation is a good sign, so you'll want to pay attention. This means you have to be here everyday or at least two to three times a week. In fact, take an accounting of your network connections. Then as you extend invitations watch for new additions. Having your notifications turned on will solve this. But, even then keep track. Authentic networking imitate real life. Think back. Rarely did you "hit it off" with a anybody, in fact, you can probably count on one hand when your mutual chemistry instantly "clicked". The rest of your circle of friends had/have to be won over a line here and a piece there. Start by thanking the person for accepting your invitation. It happens so rarely that they'll be impressed. Then ask them, "What are you hoping to gain or benefit from via Linkedin?" You'll be surprised at how many will tell you "exactly" what they are looking for. Then offer to help them! Invoke the law of Reciprocity. Give until they ask YOU what you're looking for. Even then, don't jump too fast. Online referral gathering is a marathon not a sprint.

2. The size of their Linkedin connections audience; more usually = higher probability, because it didn't happen by chance. But what about their status and SSI? I'm at an All Star status, but this is more a result of making sure my profile was complete and growing. Pretty much anyone can get it. As for the SSI (social-selling index) it is helpful to see where you stand with your peers. All Star status and a high SSI might help you to come up in views, but overall, it's more a result of spending advertising dollars to get traction/hits vs diligently cultivating content and relationships on a regular basis. So, meh. There's no magic wand to it. Daily, or at least, weekly, intentional sharing, connecting and caring does the trick. As you contribute to the Linkedin sphere you'll see your views spike up!

3. The regularity and content of their posts, and engagement with others. Some people (a lot) use Linkedin ONLY on a sporadic basis such as when they're in a job search, or if they're building a new business or territory, or because their company encourages it. Not a bad thing, but good to keep in mind. Look for people who are regulars. Unless they're just into "shameless" self-promotion they'll usually find time to connect, and they are usually the ones trying to figure out how to make online connections flourish.

4. They're a LION (LinkedIn Online Networker). This likely means they will engage you out of an intrinsic desire to help. A person who is a LION (as I am) assigns themselves this designation in their profile. So, if you want to be a LION, have at it, but be honest about it. If someone reaches out then tell them how you'd like to work. In fact teach them, indirectly, how to be a LION, too. The more the merrier and profitable we'll all become!

But, then what? How do you authentically cultivate or "tease" the relationship to open up? Here, now, are the second four of twelve, the don'ts:

Go slow. Be curious. Be genuine. Don't hit them between the eyes with, "hey, gimme your business!"

1. Don't hit them between the eyes with: "hey gimme your business" or "hey, congrats on your __________ I thought I could send you some information...about ME". Not. Yet! Covey's 4th Habit teaches the way: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Ask questions. Be curious. Be genuine. Don't. Rush. You're not looking for a "one-night stand" so don't play that crude social position in the networking competition. Of course, look for connections you share with them. Most people start there. But, you should also research the person's profile. They wrote it! What do they emphasize? What are their accomplishments. Where did they go to school, grow up, etc. What kind of endorsements do they have? Research their website. Find out what their role is. Research their Facebook and/or Instagram page. Note something that seems to stand out. Then, ask gentle questions about something. Be curious. Be genuine. I did this with a local connection (Brian Scott Carey) two years ago and when we finally met face-to-face he said, with his thumb pressed into his temple, "it's like you were inside my brain...but, in a good way!"

2. Don't expect much initially except a friendly, innocuous back and forth. Think of developing a relationship with an online stranger(s) like the mass of people gathering just before a 5k, 10k or Marathon begins. It's not the time or place to try to get to know people, but you can high five, stretch, laugh and prepare for the jostling starting gun. Metaphorically, wait until after the race, but even then, just gather information.

3. Don't be a "one hit wonder". Okay, I'm a hypocrite here. I've been on linkedin since 2005 (or thereabouts). I have NOT been regularly posting on Linkedin. Yes, I have visited, communicated privately, etc., with hundreds of people and businesses on a 100 to 1 basis, but I've let my public posting lag far behind. In other words for every post or engagement I've had 100 behind-the-scenes interactions. You'll see more of this from me.

4. Don't sell. Don't even think it! Get selling completely, 100% OFF your mind! Build friendships. Build goodwill. Ask good questions. Offer free knowledge, links, etc. Become the "fountain of good, solid knowledge and information".

And here are the final four things to keep in mind:

The brain's amygdala dictates our response: "The first intimation of the brain 'when a stranger calls' is to be suspicious and defensive."

1. Do remember that they're tuned into what Brian Tracy calls their "favorite [mental] radio station": WIIFM: What's In It For Me? Humans can't be helped when it comes to this. It is how our brains are wired. We look for things that will benefit us, protect us, enhance us, make US look better. Me, me, me...did I mention...ME!? And the first intimation of the brain "when a stranger calls" is to be primed to combustively react when someone or something strange, new, or unfamiliar presents itself to us. "This internal brain structure is responsible for the fight-or-flight response that causes you to respond to threats . . . In this way, the amygdala triggers a sudden and intense unconscious emotional response that shuts off the cortex, making it hard for you to think clearly about the situation." (Amygdala) But, the brain is also looking, via the Executive System's RAS (Reticular Activating System), for anything that is novel, interesting, vital and valid. I'll talk about Hot Buttons in a future post to flesh this out into "Hot Spots" and "Sweet Spots".

2. Do remember that they may care a lot about a lot of things, but you're probably not one of those things...yet. And don't be offended by this. The good news is that they might be willing to care if you figure out their "why" and then show them a "how" and "what" that benefits their world, but on their terms.

3. Do remember that people love to buy and hate to be sold meaning they must have an itch that you can scratch. So...don't start scratching...it's like creeping up behind a woman you don't know and whispering in her ear. Egads. Until you find an itch they're willing to share or discuss just be fully circumspect. Otherwise you'll come across like someone groping around for self-gratification.

4. Do remember that people who show up and stay involved are more likely to be trusted than those that come and go. It's just human nature. The things that become familiar and predictable are the things we are, initially, most likely to trust. The opposite is also true. When familiarity and predictability drones on with constant recrimination about politics, biases, or know-it-allness (I have been guilty of this...yeah, still learning!)

Might I share a final nugget?

Two of the greatest minds in the history of marketing, Edward Earle and Richard Harshaw, taught me the following about intentionally building legitimate interest and curiosity in your audience before engaging them in an exchange of value. If you do it right they'll eventually conclude:

"I'd have to be an absolute fool to do business with anyone else, but you, regardless of the price!"

In all fairness, based on my article, I really shouldn't ask you to share this because I haven't done much more than provides some ideas. I mean, you and I hardly know each other. However, if you found the ideas helpful I shouldn't pass up the opportunity to ask you to share this post.

Freely.

Go for it.

Don't delay.

Come on. Lol.

Please?

(Note: You don't have to be a "brainiac" to build a decent referral network. And, if this helps, I would be brainless to not ask you to share it--freely!)