12 Attitudes to Success: Attitude to Self
Charles McLachlan
CEO and Portfolio Executive development - MAKING YOUR FUTURE WORK with Freedom, Joy and more opportunities to offer Love to those around you.
6) Attitude to Self
Recognising your different selves
Your attitude to self is a critical component of your success. I’ve recently become very interested in the thinking behind the model of Voice Dialogue. The people who founded the movement that has become Voice Dialogue realised, in summary, we don’t have one self. We don’t even have just the three selves of Freud (super ego, ego and id). Rather we should see ourselves as being a multitude of selves. For each of these selves there is an opposite self that we have disowned.?
If you’ve ever heard people talk about inner critics or inner child, then they are referring to selves that are identified by the Voice Dialogue movement. The theory is that in our early stages of development we adopted primary selves that allowed us to protect and survive and perhaps thrive, but as we get older for each of those primary selves the opposite disowned self needs to have its voice. If you have a primary self of the pusher you’re always pushing to make things succeed, then there will be an equal opposite self, the one who perhaps is laid back. ?
Learning to love all our different selves
I think for too many of us our attitude to self, or our multiple selves, is that we hate those parts of ourselves that we have disowned. We judge those parts of our self that we have disowned. We are creating if you like a cycle of self-hate. We might love the primary selves that we see as working for us but, by rejecting the selves that we have disowned we are actually hating an important part of who we are. Over time that inability to love both the primary and disowned parts of ourselves undermines our characters. When we judge ourselves, we also judge those selves in others. When we hate those parts of ourselves, we also hate those parts in others. We can end up at war with ourselves.?
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Acknowledging those multiple selves
I would suggest that one of the key attitudes to success in relation to self is recognise, acknowledge and give voice to those multiple selves, including those multiple selves that we seek to disown. We will then have more awareness of the different voices that can speak into the situations we face and choose which self to respond to. We will connect to the richer tapestry of how we’ve been made. We will avoid operating out of the default settings of the primary selves, which, as we get older, are no longer best suited to the new challenges, opportunities and habits that we need for our future.?
My experience of the disowned selves
I used to believe that success could always be achieved by working harder and working smarter. Nothing was insurmountable if only I worked harder and worked smarter. That meant that I would tend to live in a world of toil (working harder) and self-criticisms (you’re not working smart enough, you ought to be clever enough to solve this problem). It was extremely disruptive to my health and my relationships and ultimately undermined my success. I have come to accept that there is part of me that can be very stupid. I have come to accept some part of me wants to have leisure and pleasure. I am beginning to accept and forgive those selves that I’d disowned in the past. I am more able to adjust and flex to the new situations that I find myself in.?
Conclusion: excuses or wisdom?
Many people will say “Well we are all human aren’t we?” and for those people it can be just an excuse for unacceptable behaviour. For others this phrase is applied with wisdom. The acceptance that we have these?multiple selves, these good sides and bad sides, these preferred behaviours and less preferred behaviours, these primary selves and these disowned selves, means we can start to make better choices as to how we live day to day, week by week.
Acknowledge those multiple selves.? Listen to the voices they offer you and, more powerfully, make choices about applying your selves and engaging with others.
That for me is a key attitude for success. ? ? ??
NPQH FRSA FCCT l Chief Executive at SMARTcurriculum Ltd l 2024 BESA Awards Finalist l 2024 UNESCO Global Inclusion Practitioner l 2024 ERA Finalist l 2023 Digital Leader DL100 | Achieve the Exceptional
2 年Great article Charles McLachlan thank you for sharing!
Calm pathfinder ? Leading Mind Health Revolution @ Wellness Orbit ? Visionary, securing high quality spatial plans @ Oü Head
2 年In practice, there is a bit of confusion in Freud's views. We have our True-Self, our Consciousness (both non-egoistic domains), and our Ego. Ego runs everything until we are in our current subconscious autopilot mode (that is the dominating mode people use). Loving your Ego too much can make you very egocentric and cause harm to you and others. Freud and Jung were very good at describing the ever-changing Ego but were not able to open up who we truly are. When you discover your True-Self, then Ego no longer runs things. You take over and become able to live consciously. The problem is that we have a huge confusion around our intrapersonal domain. This section of Wellness Orbit homepage clarifies how our inner domain is built: https://www.wellnessorbit.com/awareness-intrapersonal-skills/ In general, based on my own experience there are plenty of theories. Even Freud and Jung did not agree on many things, nor were they able to complete their path of making psychology an easy to be understood discipline. Since those two great men lived, we have added more mess. More so, we have as a society almost forgotten the discoveries of our inner domain as we have started to rely on external solutions (drugs, medication, apps) instead. While in case of illnesses, you indeed should seek and get external help (also counseling besides medication).? However, in the case of a healthy and fit mind, we need to train it. And here we need practical skills and actual training of the mind/brain. For this, we need actual intrapersonal exercises. Here theory does not matter. Let me illustrate it this way, reading a book about going to the gym is not doing much if you do not train your body in the gym. Practice is what makes all the difference. Only in practice, you become capable to discover your consciousness and when you have that consciousness experience you can discover your Ego.? When you (your True-Self) take over your Ego, only then does the question "Who am I?" become something you seek an answer for. Those who know who they are can give you practical answers! Let me illustrate it by analogy when someone has a professional skill, they know how to do things so that solutions they offer work. Others try. Trial and error also lead somewhere, but also show that you are a person without practical professional skills on this actual topic in hand.? When you seek the answer to the question "Who am I?", then you cannot find it around you. For the answer, you need to start looking inwards. We all have our True-Self! We all have consciousness (unless we are truly unconscious in the hospital). No one is born without your True-Self consciousness. Every kid who borns is conscious, but as most of us run on the subconscious mode they copy that mode and become too unaware of their awareness (consciousness) as people around them. Until we lack intrapersonal education and in people in our society use dominantly the conditioned autopilot mode, things remain unclear. We even encourage our kinds to forget their consciousness and True-Self and join us on 'autopilot' mode. No wonder we are lost, stressed, anxious and mentally ill!? When you discover your True-Self, you also discover inner kindness and love. Those are not emotional qualities in essence. When you are your True-Self, there is no need for any attitudes.? It is your Ego, who needs attitudes. The Ego needs emotional and mental approval. The Ego has thousands of conditions! Why? The Ego is conditioned!? You, in your deepest and real essence, are not conditioned. YOU ARE. Period.? If that is not your experience, your access to your True-Self is missing. As Pata?jali stated ages ago: There is one subject an endless amount of objects (including Ego, emotions, thoughts, etc.). You are in the essence not smart, nor stupid. But when you start learning about your awareness and intrapersonal skills you start a path. When you become fully conscious (innerly silent), you always discover answers and solutions, regardless of the challenge you face. You never lose your calm. You never worry or get stressed or anxious.? When you are. ... a whole different level of being and doing things opens up! A very practical level! A level where you are free!? ?? When you are your True-Self, you become human! ?? Human Being! So, there is one you - Your True-Self and countess amount of ego variations that are conditioned until you have not discovered that. Let me end it this way, there is nothing wrong with Ego, with one exception – Egoistic life causes suffering! That is why so many things are wrong in current society. Without intrapersonal sustainability, there can be no external sustainability.
After a long career in consulting, I now teach business English to overseas professionals as a second language.
2 年One problem we have is when we use possessions or roles to define our identity. It makes us vulnerable if we lose them.
The Art of the Joyful CEO.
2 年I agree, we need to acknowledge and give voice to those multiple selves, including those multiple selves that we seek to disown! This can be difficult but must be confronted Charles McLachlan