11 Uncommon Tips on Becoming a Great Mentor

Since the beginning of the pandemic, it was evident that employees worldwide want to feel cared for. We asked hundreds of leaders who surveyed thousands of their direct reports what makes them feel cared for. Two of the top answers were to "care for their development" and to "be supported." One of the top elements that came up in both of these needs was to "have a great mentor."

As you start your mentorship journey, I invite you to reflect back on the best mentors that you had in your life. What value did they bring to you and how did they do it? Before you read the tips, consider writing down as many adjectives that describe them as a mentor.

1. Pure Intention: Great mentors have the best interest of their mentees at heart. It is not about them. They see themselves in the service of their mentees. Similar to a good parent, they care for their mentee's success and not what they will get out of the kid. The only currency every mentor desires to have is 'NACHAT' which means in Hebrew "The sense of pride, joy, and fulfillment when they are seeing their mentee doing well." Great mentors are safe. They do not disclose details about their mentees without permission. They do not gossip behind their back. Instead, they use "Reverse-Gossip" which is the art of speaking great things behind their backs.
2. Commitment: Mentorship takes time, energy, and effort. A good mentor is willing to invest these resources on a regular basis. Sometimes they need to make themselves available at unplanned times in response to critical events for their mentees. Often, they are also willing to open doors when necessary and appropriate.
3. Responsibility: Good mentors are aware of their influence. Giving a piece of advice that has the potential to harm can have dire consequences. A great mentor gauges the risks of giving advice.
4. Suitability: Great mentors qualify their suitability for the mentees. Are their values aligned? Do they demonstrate respect, honesty, integrity, and kindness? Do they get along character-wise? Is their style effective for the mentee? Is the mentee "coachable" by the mentor? How does the mentee progress through their sessions together?

5. Non-exclusivity: Every mentor has different sets of strengths, skills, and experiences. Great mentors encourage their mentees to seek help from other mentors in areas where they can not contribute. In my forthcoming book, I have a chapter about the "Board of Directors of your Mind." As a mentor, I encourage my mentees to tap into the wisdom of people who inspire them. Personally, when I need to forgive, I summon the vision of Nelson Mandela and have an imaginary conversation about what would he do in that situation. If you are curious who was the person who influenced my life the most, you will find it when you reach the very end of my first TEDx talk for P&G.

6. Humility: Great mentors make the mentees feel at ease. They speak at eye-to-eye level. They understand the limitations of their opinions and are not attached to them. They are willing to admit that they were wrong. They are respectful and open to the mentee and others' points of view. It took me a few years to understand the wisdom of my mentor Lenny Ravich about opinions (see quote). Discounting and detaching ourselves from our opinion allows us to be better listeners. The creativity guru Yarin Kimor once remarked that "Our past experience is the flashlight that illuminates the past, not necessarily the future." Great mentors want to be objective and not biased. They suspend their judgment and use curiosity first. Lenny says that the highest level of laughter is our ability to laugh at ourselves and not take ourselves too seriously. In his book Everlasting Optimism he teaches the "Bull Fighter" technique. The red cape symbolizes our ego and if we move it to the side, the bull pass without harming us, we see the tail and the audience shouts "Ole."

7. Awareness: Great mentors are aware of the emotional needs of their mentees. They are sensitive to the feedback preferences of their mentees. Some prefer the feedback to be direct, others feel offended and close down. Some people thrive on encouragement, some people become extremely uncomfortable with overdosage of it. There is a time and a place for everything. One of the most fundamental tasks of great mentors is to teach their mentees the art of becoming aware so they will have more and better choices.

8. Setting Expectations and Boundaries: Great mentors hold a conversation with their mentees to agree on the terms of the mentorship such as priorities, goals, frequency, duration, and more. They also set healthy boundaries of what mentorship is not. For example, good mentors let their mentees make their own decisions as they will be the ones to bear the consequences.

9. Dialogue: Great mentees develop the communication to be full-duplex. They are great listeners and learners. They know when to switch roles and learn from their mentees. Being vulnerable to admit that they do not know and willing to learn from their mentees inspires and boosts their confidence. It gives them a valuable lesson on how they will need in their turn to give others the feeling that their views matter.

10. Honestly Appreciative: Great mentors have the talent to spot the greatness and strengths of their mentees and help them harness them so they can stretch them to their potential and replicate their success in other areas of their lives. They are honest and uplifting but responsible not faking it. Giving empty compliments put their credibility in jeopardy and might reinforce a wrong behavior. They show appreciation for the journey more than just reaching milestones. They encourage and praise progress, improvement in strategy, process, and creativity.

11. Fun & Generous: Great mentors are often fun to be with. They become an extended part of the family. Older mentors tend to feel more secure about themselves thus have a good sense of humor. When I was the Trade Attache at the Israeli Embassy in Singapore in the early 90s. Charles Simon was the President of the Israeli Business Association. He took me under his wings. He invited me to his events, he coached me. He told me stories when he was a POW under the ruthless Japanese occupation building the railway in Thailand and many other inspiring stories that captivated my imagination. We did not feel the age difference. Charles loved life and life loved him. On every given day, you can catch him with a glass of whisky "to kill the germs". In the many times that Charles and I played backgammon, he never failed to give me grace and allow me to win a few games before he won the series. Charles left our world 19 years ago and I bought his chair at the synagogue in his memory. More about Charles in this link.

Surprising insight:

If you want to be a successful mentee, the very same rules will apply to you. For example, you need to have pure intentions to learn and listen without being defensive. You need to have a commitment not only to show up but also make efforts to apply and show progress.

Rewarding activity:

I invite you to write in the comments below who was your best mentor and why. If they are alive, I encourage you to consider writing them a note of appreciation about their impact on your life. If you can meet them in person, go and read it to them (just remember to take some tissues with you), otherwise do it online.

Working globally from Singapore,?TEDx global speaker?CSP?Avi Liran?(Economist, MBA, and basketball coach) is the Chief Delight Officer of?www.deliveringdelight.com. He is is the originator of the creative, inspiring, and entertaining keynote talks and edutainment programs?Delivering Delight, helping organizations worldwide to tap on their Inner Delight to?Lead With Values?so they effectively cultivate a Delightful Organisational Culture (DOC) that nurtures Delightful Employee Experience (DEX) which empowers Delightful Customer Experience (DCX).