#11 How to be authentic in a world that expects us to be all the same?

Today marks the beginning of another edition of the Grace Hopper Celebration, the world's largest conference for women in technology, in Florida. In 2017, I attended as a scholar; in 2018, I received the Pass It On award; in 2019, I was a Dell recruiter and speaker; and in recent years, I was a mentor and virtual attendee. Since 2018, I have reviewed scholarship applications and mentored women preparing to attend the conference.

This year was no different. I mentored 43 women in 2 weeks! And the question I received the most was: “How do I stand out to recruiters?” After listening to them, learning more about their stories and reading their resumes, the answers varied, but they were based on the same premise: “What will make you stand out is your story and what you think is your weakness is, precisely, your superpower.”

I notice that we, especially women, have difficulty telling our stories. We are afraid to share (what we believe to be) our vulnerabilities.

We are afraid of not being understood because English is not our first language, or because we have a 2-year gap in our resume because we left the job market to care for our children or parents, or because we don't have a formal degree in Computer Science. We forget about all the other skills and competencies acquired from these experiences: women who speak two languages or more, who have worked in global markets, who financially manage the household (or the family business), who have a solid background in the area of healthcare or music and decided to venture into technology and today they could proudly say they are multidisciplinary, creative and very, very innovative.

I listen to the stories of these women, and I am impressed, thinking: “How can I help them see that their stories are fascinating precisely because of the moments when they thought they were most fragile and vulnerable?”.

My role as a mentor is to ask the right questions so they can find their own paths rather than giving answers.

The question: “How do I stand out to recruiters?” is usually followed by a few others: “Do I need to learn a new programming language? Do I need to pursue formal training in a degree in the field? What am I doing wrong?”. As if the solution were only to develop technically.

Don't get me wrong: acquiring certifications, taking courses and training, developing yourself technically - all of these experiences are necessary, but they need to be complemented by developing interpersonal, communication and leadership skills. Companies are not looking for a robot. Companies are looking for thinking human beings capable of making correlations between different areas of knowledge. Technology companies seek creativity, innovation and problem-solving professionals.

Your story (and how you tell it) is part of the equation. And that is exactly where your superpower lies.

"We are always orphaning the parts of us that we are either afraid we can't protect or we are afraid that will hold us back, and every time we do that we cut some of our own power off" - Brené Brown

How to be authentic in a world that expects us to be all the same?

Authenticity helps you find your voice in a world that expects us to all be the same, wear the same clothes, look the same and consume what everyone else is consuming. Below are some points for self-reflection that will help you exercise the muscle of searching for authenticity.

Don't compare yourself. I know it isn't easy, and comparison is intrinsic to human beings. But doing a self-reflection exercise every time you get into a comparison loop is essential. Did you see a post on LinkedIn or Instagram that triggered you? Recognize that this happened, don't deny the feeling and reflect: “This is just an emotion. It's not who I am. This person's path is different from mine. I am unique in my own way, and there is no one like me in the world.”

Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself: “Am I doing this because I like it or because I have beliefs (family, religious, cultural, friends) that make me think I like it?”. Explore your interests for you, and not to seek approval from others or to fit in.

Stay true to yourself. Why do we make promises to others and keep them, but when we make them to ourselves, we don't treat them the same way? I promised I would exercise several times a week for three months. I've been consistent for almost two years. I started saying no to projects more and more and respecting my time, limits and desires. Today, I am the person who respects myself the most, and having this relationship with myself is the most precious lesson of recent years.

It is part of being human to look for groups we can feel like we belong to, but we must find our voice and our own path. It is essential that we know how to tell our stories, with all their ups and downs. This is how we stand out. The search for authenticity is done through self-knowledge and self-reflection. It should be done not only for your professional development but also for your personal development.

May your journey always be full of learning, and may you find and recognize yourself more and more along the way.

See you next week,

Mari ??