100 Lessons for Life and Work I Have Learned this Past Decade
? Cristina Gallegos
![? Cristina Gallegos]()
? Cristina Gallegos
CEO @ Skylarx | Philanthropy, Pluralism, Leadership Acceleration, Business Transformation
- We don't need to fear most things in life. In the absence of freak occurrences, for most people the journey to rock-bottom is extremely lengthy. One has to work really really really hard at becoming a complete failure, at becoming destitute, etc. It's like becoming a 700 lbs person. For this unique outcome to happen, there is so much food that would need to be eaten every day, and so much adverse context to converge on the person at the same time, that most people can't get there even if they try. Today I trust that if I keep most of my physical health and most of my mental health, I will never starve. If anything, I fear mediocrity. (And of course, to keep things au courant, I am concerned about viruses against which I have no immunity).
- As long as one is alive, one is doing well. The rest is details.
- Know which goals are aspirational, and which goals are actual targets to be hit.
- Even the smartest, strongest, and most informed among us can be brainwashed and mentally abused because our brains are wired for it by biology and childhood experiences. Conducting periodic pulse-checks on our relationships + the elimination of toxic people is keeping good hygiene; it is a vital process leading to a thriving and happy life.
- Experiences are more valuable than objects. I have learned to spend less on objects and more on experiences that enrich and enlarge perspectives, nurture the soul, and please the eye.
- Lying to ourselves is the worse thing we can do in our life. It takes less guts to be honest with ourselves and act accordingly, than the lengthy time and energy we will have to eventually invest to correct the terrible decisions and actions we have accumulated because we lied to ourselves. It's never worth it in the long run. One can stop lying to oneself at any time, in a second.
- If I run life like a military operation, if I am organized, then I will have more fun, I will save myself years of hard work, and what I want will come about much faster.
- I fill every spare, conscious moment of my life, with reading.
- I need to think big and boldly, dream big and boldly, and act big and boldly. This is not a dress rehearsal, so I might as well.
- Learning how to rein in my emotions when they run away with my thoughts is one of the hardest things I have learned this decade. I must have spent ONE full year of my life immersed in pointless ruminations. Argh! Never again.
- I surgically excise negativity from all things. Negativity is like weeds in a vegetable garden. The more weeds in the garden, the less vegetables, and the less we have available to eat. I constantly root out negativity as early as possible, preemptively if possible. This is really critical. And when I can, I lay metaphorical weed barriers - these are conscious commitments to entertain nothing but positive thoughts, positive words, positive deeds, positive people, and positive environments.
- There is a difference between dealing successfully with something s@itty that happens (many people can do that), and taking s@itty stuff in stride (very few people can do that). Practice taking stuff in stride.
- The quickest way to receive abundantly is to give abundantly and genuinely. The giving and the receiving often have no direct connection or correlation to each other, and we'll often NOT receive from where we give. Doesn't matter though.
- Nothing is what we think it will be. And that's the best part because expectations are the surest way to misery.
- Curate everything. EVERYTHING. Curate friends, family, coworkers, home environments, clothes, food, music, books... EVERYTHING. Purge constantly - thoughts and inner dialogue, the clothes in the closet, the file cabinet, the trunk of the car, the people who drag you down... Anything that is not adding energy to one's life, is actually subtracting energy. Our environment dictates our well-being. If something is zapping you dry, cut it out, remove, and mercilessly replace it with something that gives you vitality and joy.
- Act only on emphatic "yes". Every "maybe" is a "no" that is too cowardly to show its face. If it's a "maybe" don't waste time or resources on it. Discard. Eject. Move on.
- Feelings are weather. About as reliable and predictable, and about as transitory.
- I am too insignificant to care about what the world at large thinks about me.
- If you don't know what to do, do nothing until you know what to do. This way, you don't head blindly West towards Japan, when in fact, you would be better served by heading East towards Paris.
- Want it, plan it, do it. That's it. If it's a huge thing (like the metaphorical equivalent of eating an elephant), just cut a small piece and start chewing. When done chewing that small piece, cut another piece and chew on that. And so on. If you can, bring others along, and give them small slices of the elephant to chew. But overall, it's pretty simple: want it, plan it, do it.
- It is pointless to try to bring into being that which I resent, hate outright, or do not believe in. It's just not going to work.
- There will always be very slick people out there who are amazing at selling the exact snake oil I am longing for. The more of a snake oil it is, the more expensive it will be too. Stop buying snake oil!
- We sometimes unconsciously work on goals that are different than the goals we state or wish for, and we need to do regular course-corrections. Would a person knowing nothing about our goals be able to tell that our main goal is based on what they see us working on? Or would they see something else from the outside if they observe us for a day/week/year? Whatever they see is the goal we are working on, admittedly or not.
- Burnout is real.
- It is easier to work with people who are ready. Better yet, people who are chomping at the bit for what we have to offer. The rest is carrying water uphill in a sieve.
- Our intuition is our best ally that never sleeps. It however, requires constant feeding through listening to it, action in the direction of its insights, and respect.
- The more time passes, the less time we have to spend with people we love. Parents die, friends move away, kids grow up... Spend time now.
- We'll all die with a full inbox and an open To Do List. Focus on the things that are important, and important to you. Have a 50 year long Bucket List that you are working on every day, including today.
- Money is easy, human psychology is hard. Learning the fundamentals of both makes life smoother. Investing in mental health is as powerful and as valuable as investing in exercise and physical health. I invested time and energy in an additional degree (a psychology degree) so I can better serve my clients. At the same time, I invested time and energy in 500 therapy sessions (once a week for 10 years), during which I worked hard, really HARD - like for a Masters Degree in knowing myself, understanding my family of origin and my country of birth, learning to see my own patterns, and gaining clarity on what I really really want from every aspect of my life. Every penny and every second invested in all of the above has been pure gold.
- I have learned to add a zero to every dream. If the dream is a 10, make it a 100. Most of the time our biggest folly is that we dream too small and our goals are not bold enough.
- What we send out as message, comes back as identity. Committing to being who I want to be, and aligning myself fully and unapologetically with that (see point #6 above) is like nuclear energy to my life.
- Always have something nice to look forward to in the calendar. It's motivating and can help tremendously with navigation of rough seas.I have learned this from my American Mother, who during times of grave illness and deep pain, made sure there was always something exciting on the horizon: a trip, a party, a purchase that made her happy...
- It doesn't matter how rich you are and how many experts are working for you - you need to mind the crops yourself. This I also learned from my American Mother, as she never let the reigns from her hand, no matter how affluent, and in the end, no matter how sick and frail. You need to oversee your medical care and pay attention to it. You need to oversee your finances and pay attention to it. You need to oversee your business and pay attention to it, etc. Nobody, no matter how good and how devoted and well-intentioned they are towards you, nobody will take care of you better than you will take care of you. Be your own ombudsman at all times.
- On your deathbed, you will regret the things you have not done and could have done, way way more than the things you did do. This I have learned as I spent time with my father at his deathbed. Do it now! Do it now, do it now!
- Control all the things that you can control. It's not that much I can control in this world, but if I can control it, I will, and I don't care who calls me a control freak. It is my right, duty, and obligation to myself and my family to control the outcomes I can and contribute to the outcomes that are in my power.
- Once I identified the things that scare me in this life and this world, everything has become so much easier, because it's concrete and I can do something about it. When I let my fears be amorphous and generalized, I can't fight them.
- Love given is never wasted.
- In 9 cases out of 10, the person in front of us is impacted by one or more fears of some kind. Address their fear(s), help them, and life will be SO much easier for both parties. Also, it is important to note that if we are at opposite sides of the table, where I see the number "9" you will see the number "6" and we'll both be right albeit in disagreement with each other. And if someone looks at the number from the side, they'll think neither of us makes sense, and they'll also be right. Life is like that. I try to soothe, and be looser and kinder when people drive me nuts, and I know that most of the time they are afraid of their boss, they are afraid of losing something, of being proven wrong, of making a fool of themselves... Once I realize their reaction is not personal to me, I can assuage their fears and make the path smother for them, for me, and for what I want.
- I will never regret the courageous things I do, no matter how hard or scary they are.
- The end of somethings is everything; it defines that experience. End it well, whatever it is. A job, a business relationship, a friendship. We are often more excited about the beginning, but think about it: it's the end that leaves the right or wrong taste in our mouths, it is the end that decides if we made money on an investment or if we lost money, etc. The end is everything, and particularly when we are angry, scared, or rushed, it is hard to end things well. Making an effort to end things well is really important.
- Healthspan and brainspan has to match lifespan. The older we get, the more relevant this becomes.
- The Universe talks to us constantly, in subtle and beautiful ways; through the words of others, through nature, through anything from billboards to a feeling we feel. It all makes sense, to our consciousness, to our unconscious, to our our cell and our DNA, to our experiences and our connections with the world. The more we listen, the better life becomes.
- Anything that can be purchased with money is not expensive.
- There is huge power in simply showing up. And even more so, there is immense power in showing up over and over and over, for the same person, for the same organization, for the same mission, for the same purpose.
- Waste no energy on things you cannot change. Waste no thoughts, no time, no feelings on such things.
- Words are immensely powerful. Words are the manifestation of our intent in the world, and intent + action is the secret sauce.
- Give personality tests to every person in your life - employees, friends, significant others. It is key. Start with oneself - this is a good place to start.
- Always hire on cultural fit, not on skill. Hire the most expert, most mature person you can afford.
- Regardless of who writes you a paycheck, know that you are always self-employed. You might have just one client (your employer), but ultimately you are always your own corporation. Act accordingly, build your brand, negotiate everything, and know your rights.
- Celebrate every win. Celebrate life. Celebrate the small things. Make everything beautiful and special.
- Everything should be as low maintenance as possible while still being excellent and worthy of being in my life. I LIVE BY THIS and I recommend it wholeheartedly: your dog should be low maintenance, your haircut, your car, your clients, your tech, your house, your significant other, your kids. Every one of those aspects are like climbing roses, you just need to choose well, prune regularly, and espalier it. Insist on a low maintenance life so you can have room for all the other things you want to spend time and energy.
- If you are searching for something really important, such as a spouse, a job, etc. know that are billion options out there and that you only need one. So a). don't despair if the search takes longer than you hoped, and b). be selective and focus on fit. You will be glad you did.
- There is very little correlation nowadays between price, value, and quality. Price means little and it does not encode information, other than... well, price.
- Taking leaps of faith is almost always worth it.
- It's often very very very hard to get back on the horse once off the horse, but if being on the horse is important, hell or high water, I need to get back on that horse and stay on the horse.
- Two of my super-tools are: 1). mental and emotional detachment, and 2). mental and emotional compartmentalization. The more I practice them, the more they become ingrained in my nature. These are ATOMIC tools, almost like super-powers. They are the antidote to anxiety and decision paralysis. I attribute the lack of fine lines on my face and a significant percentage of my quality of life to the constant practice of detachment and compartmentalization.
- If I am there, it means I am supposed to be there. It means I somehow belong there, however unusual. It means I am not an impostor. It means that the world wants me there. All I have to do if I am there, is to add value. If I am there, I will make an effort to put something of meaning and practical value on the table.
- The most affluent and privileged among us still need meaning, purpose, time, health, love, and to make sense of their lives.
- There will always be more opportunities than the time to take advantage of it.
- Decision-making is seldom done with the rational mind. Decision-making is most often the purview of the amygdala: "Do I want this?" "Am I afraid of it?" Really internalizing the fear/desire mechanism of the lymbic system has been revolutionary for my approach in work and social circumstances. It also empowered me to understand my own decisions and motivations better. Knowing who runs the show makes behavior more efficient and more effective.
- Habits are easier to maintain than willpower.
- I need to always walk my talk.
- There's no such thing as a balanced life.
- Obsession is a good thing. Obsession is another super-power. Obsession is focus, and focus is the fastest way to results.
- Every now and then, someone you care about can't be helped. Hold the situation with love, zero judgment, and then let go.
- Politics require a 100 year perspective.
- Reading newspapers and watching the news does not keep a person informed; it keeps a person anxious and enslaved to various aspects of the consumer society. Media is NOT information. Media is entertainment. I have learned and rigorously practiced keeping my distance as much as possible. It makes a huge difference in my daily well-being and in my use of time and cognitive bandwidth. I recommend to everyone to consume media like a very very fattening desert.
- The subconscious will work as hard as the conscious if we are intentional about it. I write in my sleep, I solve problems in my sleep, I make decisions in my sleep, etc.
- Love, compassion, and kindness are the easiest and the hardest practices in my life.
- Humans are not rational creatures. We think we are, but we are not. Knowing that I am mostly not a rational species despite my individual and collective delusions, helps safeguard my behavior and improves my decision-making.
- Moisturizer, sunscreen, and good shoes are really important.
- Finding one's tribe is possibly one of the awesomest occurrences of one's life. Once found, invest in the tribe, spend time with the tribe, lean on the tribe, and give to the tribe.
- Aging is real and only part of it sucks. The other part is really wonderful.
- Most of the time nobody is paying attention to me, and that's really useful. It prevents me from spending energy on what other people think. For example, if I don't have time to post on Twitter for a year, I will simply pick it up when I can, knowing that most likely nobody noticed or cared. I am not going to agonize over things I can't do, and focus only on the things I can do.
- We don't have a full picture of the impact our life and our actions have on other people. Sometimes this happens because the people we impact are too remote. Other times we don't know because they don't express it. Often is because we can't even imagine the ripple effect and ancillary impact of our lives. It is however, deeply meaningful and really helpful (particularly when we are down) to archetype the tips of the iceberg when we CAN see the impact we have on others. Most things we do actually matter to someone.
- One thing at a time. One thing at a time. One thing at a time.
- After making a decision about what kind of relationship we are going to have with ourselves, the second most important relationship decision we'll do in our life is deciding who will be our significant other. It is the only piece of wisdom I have ever heard Trump utter (decades ago): "Marrying the right person is the best thing you can do. Marrying the wrong person is the worst thing you can do." Simplistic, yes. Obvious? Yes. True? For sure.
- Perfection is never the goal. Greatness is the goal.
- Everything is an experiment. Just be logical when possible, rigorous when necessary, and always fast about it, so you can experiment again, hopefully with better results.
- The higher we get on the food chain, the more our role is not to do A or B, but to manage uncertainty, handle complexity, and hold others into the space that makes them great.
- If the person in front of me doesn't understand what I am saying, it is not their fault. The problem is always at the transmission end, not at the receiving end. The plainer we are with our words, the better the chances that the person will "get it".
- I always have a curriculum of learning. You don't want to die not knowing to play the guitar or balance your checkbook if that's important to you. I believe that making time to learn is part of life's richness.
- Focus creates growth while diversification preserves the capital at hand. Translation: less things, deeper. This rule applies to investment banking, relationships, projects, idea implementation, etc.
- Nobody wakes up thinking "today I am going to be a total moron and make the worst decision of my life." We all do the best we know how at any given moment. The true "why" behind any behavior is "I did that because it seemed like a good idea at the time."
- We can know people deeply and not at all - both at the same time and for the same person. We only see facets of people. We only see facets of ourselves. Accepting this makes life easier and simpler.
- There's never time. The only way to have time is to make time.
- Our bodies speak as loud as anything. Listening is a really smart idea.
- If there is one tool to constantly sharpen in one's personal and professional life, that would be communication. Verbal, written, and body language. It's the key to most things.
- To succeed in my lifelong goal to positively impact the lives of 10 billion people by 2050, I need to define something which can't be defined. This stuff is hard.
- If I am going to attempt to do something, I better really do it AND do the absolute best that I can, because apparently my personality is such that, most of the times, I cannot bother to do it again.
- Ultimately, every problem is a people problem. Humans are at the core of most things going wrong, which is good because I really don’t have the skill set to deal with bears. Humans, now that, I can do.
- Everything is a privilege, even the tedious tasks, the dirty chores, the annoying bits. Everything is a privilege because it exists in our lives. Waking up at 2:00 in the morning to feed the baby... Taking the dog out for a walk and picking its poop at 5:00 am on a cold day... Taking the car to the shop. Doing taxes. Moping the floor. Washing my hair. Everything is a gift no matter how hard it is, how tired I am, or how little I feel like doing it at the moment. It's a gift because having a baby to wake up at 2:00 am is a privilege. As much as we bitch about doing taxes, paying taxes, and what our taxes purchase, I try to constantly remember that the alternative is much worse - living in a country with little roads, no police protection, no access to basic education or basic medical care, lack of water and sanitation, all the things that are part of the big taxpayer bucket. I try to remember that. Having a dog, a car, a floor that needs moping, hair that needs washing, it's all a privilege. There are many people out there who wish would have the reason to do such chores. So I learned to be grateful.
- It is easier to make money than to loose weight.
- One of the reasons we had just one child is because this earth doesn’t need more people. If every couple would have only one child, we would have an approximately 60% reduction in population in one generation and a lot of our current local and global issues would be on the mend. But let’s be clear: having had reached an age where this decision is final, it feels like a really big sacrifice. The lesson here is to stand by one's larger principles no matter the price.
- Up to a certain point, everyone tells us we are too young to get married, or have kids, or buy a house, or whatever. And then suddenly, people start telling us that we need to hurry up. Here’s my conclusion: in every person’s life, there is precisely one day when we are neither too young nor too old to get married, and only precisely one day when we are of the perfect age to have kids. And we have no idea when that day is until it passed. And while at it, the truth is that we are never ready for these things, for someone who has never been married or never been a parent, cannot be ready. We can only be prepared. “Prepared and not ready” is a good enough status update.
- I am never going to be less busy. There will never be a “better time”. Whatever I want to do, I should simply just do it now.
- Work never ends. Life does. (I learned this, one Wednesday afternoon when I was swimming in the ocean while constantly thinking about my To Do list in the office. I wasn't enjoying the ocean and I wasn't being productive either - the worst of both worlds. And then suddenly, a heard a voice - my subconscious wisdom, I presume - saying those words "Work never ends. Life does." Bo-yah! What more can be said about it?)
- "Be here now, be somewhere else later. It's not that complicated." Another bit of subconscious wisdom that came into my mind as I was attempting to be in two places at once. Solid advice.
- Always leave empty space - in the calendar, in closets and drawers, in the hard drive, in the mind. The empty space makes everything that is already there better, leaves room for creativity and opportunity, while sending a signal to the Universe that there is space to receive good stuff. It is also a signal to myself that my life is not full to the gills, that I am not done with anything, that I have room to grow and that I am still on the journey I set up at birth.
- Done is better than perfect.