10 Wisdoms from 20 years in Business Life (Part 1)

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At a recent conversation with a fellow coach-in-training, I committed to do a deeper distillation of the two decades’ worth of experiences that added to who I have become as a professional and as a person.

The impetus for this was to be clearer about who I am and what makes what my voice, and what I offer as a coach/mentor, trainer, consultant, unique to the people or organizations I set out to help.

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#1 Resilience – or in Gen Z parlance – “Shake it Off”

As a retrenched mid-career professional in 2020, it was the first time I had to confront this situation. There were daily battles with myself on:

?? “There is something wrong with me/I am not good enough” ????

??? “Should I take that offer with a 50% pay cut and do something not really up my sleeve or wait?”

??? “I am a failure and embarrassment to myself and family”

?? “How many more applications do I need to send to get a callback?”

?? The rollercoaster ride ?? called “Pride, Shame, Panic, Anxiety, Anticipation, Frustration, Despair”

It was only after reading up on change management and the Change Curve, I was able to identify the behaviors I exhibited with the stages under the Change Curve (“Am I still in the Denial stage, or have I moved to Acceptance”), and the importance of different techniques we need to apply at different stages so that we can process the change.

It was a light bulb ?? moment for me, and it helped me coach or mentor others later on with a firmer credibility and conviction, and I applied this to not just their career changes, but their life changes as well. ?

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Through that experience, I reminded myself that as children we were naturally resilient. If we fell down at the playground and scraped a knee, we winced momentarily at the scrape, perhaps fascinated by the sight of fresh blood, but we were often able to just pick ourselves back up and continue our play or go to the school nurse to get patched up.

As adults we have societal and familial expectations that come in and color our responses, but it is important to remind ourselves that we ALL have the innate ability to be resilient.

Reaching out to a coach or mentor can also help support us on that journey.

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#2 “Even Immense Wealth and Success are not vaccines against Death”

A health scare in my early 40s was a rude awakening. “James you are one of the few patients who come to me and NOT about to have a heart attack,” my doctor said. I was contemplating a dry retort about disappointing him, but decided making my surgeon upset may not be the wisest thing to do at that moment. ?

40s is also a stage of life when many of us are first confronted with the passing of loved ones, or the loved ones of loved ones.

Through that experience of understanding what was going on with my health and the journey of others, and the adjustments I needed to make (such as managing stress, diet and exercise), came the realization that life is mortal and short. Even the most powerful, wealthy and successful humans, can get diseased and die, and sometimes suddenly and without warning.

I realized that Life CANNOT be just about work and making money, even if the underlying value system driving that is about providing for our families. The human body just seems biologically ill-designed to excel in that. So I decided to review what was important to me.

With some more research, I did a few things –

1??First I drew up a few lists of what “my life” is currently and what I liked or disliked about each component of it; ????????

2??Next I tracked what I was actually doing during the week for about two weeks; ??

3??Third I took some time to look at my own lists, and reflect about what those lists said about me and what was important to me; ??

4??And then making the adjustments that I wish to make, and commit to a timeline.??

Again, if this all seems overwhelming and difficult to navigate by yourself, working with a coach or mentor can give you clarity.

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#3 “So what?”

A senior leader I worked under loved using this whenever we had team meetings. His endearing pet phrase is something I held on dearly to years after I stopped working for him. This simple question “So what?” might seem rude or challenging at first, but to me it exemplifies the kind of rigour and sanity check that often gets brushed aside when we are shown a fancy powerpoint at work or bombarded with a mountain of statistics and dashboard.

“This marketing campaign had 2 million impressions and grew 10% from last month”

“So what?”

“The prospect is a market leader in their industry”

“So what?”

“This candidate went to Harvard”

“So what?”

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For the next one week, try adding this to the ends of what people are saying to you, and see if anything shifts for you. ?

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#4 “Why not?”

One of the lessons I learnt after two decades leading teams and navigating the corporate world, is that organizations (especially organizations undergoing transformation or change) reward professionals who are able to put words into action. They more often get called out for appreciation, recognition or get promoted faster or receive more responsibilities.

As a sales leader, it’s part of my bread and butter to ‘not take no’ for an answer, and sometimes when clients push a hard bargain, I often have the unenviable task of asking my internal colleagues to tell me “Why not?”

When used kindly, with the intention of exploring possibilities, I have found that it can help ‘unstuck’ a situation.

Conversely, when I receive a request that at first glance seemed like something I’d reject, I ask myself “Why not?” and mentally make a list. If I’m STILL satisfied that rejecting it was the right decision after thinking through this question, I’d go ahead, instead of rejecting it outright. I have found that using this simple process, it allowed me to try new things, make new experiences, and expand my comfort zone over time.

????????????????? For the next one month, try asking yourself “Why not?” when someone comes to you to ask about something you normally wouldn’t do (it doesn’t have to be work related, try it on social requests as well).

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#5 “I have to be my own strongest advocate – because no one else can”

????????????????? Like many Asian business professionals, I grew up in environments where ‘doing good work quietly’ was more acceptable and expected than ‘hogging the limelight’. As I navigated the corporate world internationally, I had a rude awakening. I realized that despite working hard, not advocating for yourself (and later on, for your team) had profound consequences for your progression and recognition at work.

I learnt the lesson the hard way in one organization where I was physically co-located with my manager (he’s next door) and just assumed he could easily see what my team and I were working on since we see each other daily and talk daily too. I hadn’t realized that my peer, based in another office 4000 km away, had been on the phone with our manager, daily, and sometimes more than once.

At the end of the year, my peer got promoted and I did not. Instead I got questioned on why our team was not doing as well as the other office. I felt I had disappointed my team.

In later organizations I saw the same pattern essentially repeat itself, those who proactively advocated for their work to their stakeholders (not just their managers), got decisions fast tracked, got more resources headed their way, and got promoted faster.

I learnt years later that this ‘bias’ had a name – “The Babbling Hypothesis”, and for introverted leaders like myself it’s an adversary we needed to conquer, proactively.

So with my teams thereafter, I forced myself to:

??Summarize accomplishments during the week, deals won, learnings from deals lost, and got the team to talk about it and we shared that with the rest of the organization every week;

??Got each team member to mention to other stakeholders about not just their own project wins but wins of our other team members too;

??Spoke up more proactively to top management about what my team were working on;

??Publish a newsletter that shares all the wins across different markets with the entire sales organization and leadership.

Thank you for reading! ????

If you have found the above lessons helpful, please repost or comment below.

Tune in to the Part 2 in the next edition.