10 Ways We Respond to Others’ Sadness

Nowadays it’s really normal to hear people speak about their sadness. It may be in the form of a complaint or frustration, but that underlying emotion is pure, raw sadness. As a country and globe, we are all going through immense grief related to the pandemic. Whether we like it or not, sadness is a key ingredient of grief and something that we simply can’t muscle through in order to get to the other side of it. And unfortunately, the majority of us were not taught how to respect and process our feelings – let alone the feelings of others.

When I’ve reached out to people expressing my own sadness it’s been a powerful mirror – reflecting my expectations of others. You see, we often think that others can help us process what’s going on inside and when we vulnerably reach out we’re left feeling deflated. And that’s usually because that person didn’t give you the response that you were looking for. Perhaps all we really wanted was some empathy but instead, we got coaching. Or we wanted someone to tell us it was all was going to be okay but instead they told us to grow up.

I have been guilty of being a poor listener in the past and going straight to coaching when that person really just wanted to be heard and validated.

So I thought it might be helpful to show 10 ways that we humans respond to others’ sadness.

Perhaps you can identify which category you typically land in?

Most of the time, the top row of responses is what folks are hoping to receive when they reach out about their feelings. That’s not to say that any of these are the “right way” or the “wrong way” however it’s really important to be intentional about how you engage with your own energy and triggered response when someone opens up.

We are constantly saying what we would ultimately say to ourselves. So if you’re someone who is unkind to yourself when it comes to making room for difficult feelings, it’s highly possible that you’ll respond that way to others. And on the other hand, there are some of us who are ooooovvvvverrrly compassionate to others and never give ourselves an ounce of that very compassion.

So while this article is about your external response, it’s also an opportunity to deeply reflect internally. Are you someone who was comforted or denied when you experienced sadness growing up? Are you carrying any of those wounds with you into your adulthood? If you’re a human it’s more than likely the case. And if you haven’t yet given yourself the space to explore and love yourself exactly where you are now, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to truly do that for others. 

When you notice your own patterns and trends, it’s a wonderful opening for you to go within. The truth is, we’re our own best medicine. And when we can give ourselves the response we need we can ultimately help everyone around us who hasn’t gone on that journey yet and is looking for support to feel better. 

Will you get curious about how you respond to sadness?