10 WAYS TO MAKE FREELANCERS ABSOLUTELY ECSTATIC.
I’ve been freelancing full-time for over six years now. Several of my friends have been doing it way longer, and would occasionally tell me their tales. Sometimes I would get it; sometimes, as they would say, “you have to live it to understand it.” Now, as a seasoned copywriter and creative director (25+ years) with over six years of experience in the trenches, I have definitely lived it.?
What nuggets of wisdom have I picked up along the way? What gems can I pass on that many of you who hire freelancers, be they creative or otherwise, can use to make your contractors sleep soundly and smile daily? Well, here’s a little list I’ve put together. It’s in no discernable order. (And if a bracing dose of sarcasm isn’t your particular cuppa tea, skip this one.)
1: ASK ABOUT OUR AVAILABILITY THEN NEVER GET BACK TO US
Oh, we love that one. Nothing sets off a freelancer’s week quite like a call or email asking us if we’re available for some pretty meaty projects. “Hey, just reaching out to see if we can book you for a job that will run from next week to the end of the month. Let me know ASAP!”?
So we write back. “Yes, definitely. Cannot wait to get started. Talk to you soon.” And then, we don’t talk to you soon. Oh, the anticipation that follows. Will I have money to pay the mortgage next month, or not? Should I be reaching out to other clients for work, only to have to tell them to go away if this bigger job comes along? Or, work 18 hours days if I do both? It’s a fantastic feeling. Talk about an adrenaline rush.??
2: ASSUME WE’RE RICH BECAUSE OF OUR DAILY OR HOURLY RATES
This happens so often, and every time it’s an absolute hoot. You tell the recruiter or the hiring manager your day/hourly rate and can see them doing some quick mental arithmetic. And you know they’re just thinking, “Well holy cannoli, if that’s what they’re making every day they are really swimming in money. Must be nice!”
Yes, it really must be. The hilarious part is, 99% of us aren’t swimming in money. We charge that because we have to factor in some pretty fabulous expenses. For a start, and this one is the biggest crack-up, we have to buy our health insurance without a corporation’s clout. Take a look at the amount it costs to insure a family when it’s not an employer-sponsored plan. Oh, it’s funnier than a Jim Carrey fart gag. And the massive deductibles? Side-splitting. Then there’s factoring in sick days we have to cover, vacation (I’ve taken 8 days off in 5 years), supplies, taxes (self-employment taxes are so lovely), and the biggest issue of all...not having work.?
We’re not working 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year. If we were guaranteed that, our rates would be much lower. We’re lucky if we log half of that. In fact, these days a third is what we're dealing with. Sometimes weeks will go by without a hint of any kind of work on the horizon. Often, we get asked about our availability but then people don’t follow through (see point 1). So yeah, if you ever do ask about rates, make sure you crack a sarcastic comment. Maybe “wow, do you drive a Ferrari?!” (I actually drive a Hyundai.) Rest assured, that gag will not go down like a cup of cold sick. We'll find it hilarious.
3: TRY HAGGLING WITH US FOR A LOWER RATE
Fun! It’s like being at a flea market and asking the seller to give you two of those vinyls for $20 instead of $22. Except we’re the seller, you’re the buyer, and what you’re haggling with is our livelihood. I mean, how can that not be a blast for us??
It’s not like we’ve figured out what we’re worth, what we need to make ends meet, and what cutting that rate could mean to every future job with you (if you don’t find someone cheaper, and with much less experience, next time).
And the icing on the cake? Doing it for free, but “just think of all the exposure you’ll get.” Oh, how awesomely nice of you to think of our careers in that way. As a little experiment, call a plumber or a mechanic and tell them you want them to work for free, but you’ll tell your mates about it. Listen for the laughter; it won’t be subtle.?
4:? STICK US WITH SOME CRAZY PAYMENT SCHEDULE
Freelancers have the freedom to be able to pay their mortgages, rent, car payments, and utility bills whenever they want. Isn’t that great?! We have a special account with all the grocery stores. They give us food and supplies, we pay them...well, whenever we get around to it. We can choose when to make a payment on the house or when to give the landlord the money. We can even send a quick text to the gas company saying “Hey, I’ll be skipping a few payments but I’ll make it up when I eventually decide to pay you.”
That’s why it’s so cool that companies pay us in the same manner. There are these agreements like Net 30, Net 60, and even...NET 90. For the uninitiated, that means you’ll get paid within 30, 60, or 90 days of submitting the invoice. And by the way, the invoice is submitted AFTER the work has been done, so add the time spent on the project to that as well. One company I worked for who shall remain nameless (because freelancers can’t afford to burn bridges), added a 2% discount for themselves for paying on time. I mean...laugh? I almost intentionally peed my pants.?
5: DON’T PAY US AT ALL
Even better! Sure, eventually getting paid is all well and good, but even more of a rib-tickler is getting stiffed after we’ve done the work. It’s so great sending emails that get no replies or making calls that go straight to voicemail. Then comes the waiting. Oh, the sweet sweet waiting as we wonder what we did wrong, why a company worth millions can’t pay a $1,500 invoice, and whether we have the time and money to take them to court.?
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One thing we do have in our favor though is a network. And rest assured, if any company decides not to pay, word spreads quickly among the freelancing community. Or so we tell ourselves. Being blacklisted is not going to stand any brand or agency in good stead.?Right? I mean, that'll work for sure. Copium is one hell of a drug.
6: GHOST US ONCE OUR PART IS DONE
We don’t need to know how things went. Did you win the pitch? Did the work actually get made? Can we see it, or get samples? Can we help you out again in the future? All of these questions don’t need to be answered because let’s face it, we’re being way too needy here. It’s quite the morale boost to know that after spending weeks, or months, on some pretty great work, we’re now about as useful to you as a chocolate fireguard.?
And being ignored is even more fun in the sun when we need actual samples of the work for our folios. Do we need the work? The real work? You know, photos of the OOH, or the TV spot that ran? Nah, Do you know what we prefer to do? Spend hours futzing around in the Adobe suite to make comps that are about as convincing as facts from politicians.
7: HIRE US FOR OUR EXPERTISE...THEN IGNORE IT
So the business I’m in, marketing and advertising, is one of those rare professions that’s lucky enough to have experts in copywriting, art direction, and design at every level of the company. You have to feel for the aforementioned plumbers and mechanics, who get to do their jobs without the customer telling them exactly how to install a power shower or change a timing belt.?
Strangely enough, it’s also funny that these experts will steer you right (wrong) regardless of how many years of experience you have under your belt. Personally, the 25+ years I’ve got in copywriting and creative direction only seems to provoke some account coordinators to tell me that sentences don’t start with and. And great out-of-home can have at least 20 words on it. And a URL. And a phone number. And a QR code. And some more copy. And why not make the logo bigger, too? Yeah, that all makes an 8-hour day feel like 16. Superb.
8: ASK FOR THE WORK ASAP AND THEN SIT ON IT
“Dear freelance boffin. Are you available tomorrow for a 24-hour turnaround, we’ll send the brief tonight while you’re trying to eat dinner, thank you!!” And so, with the market being what it is, you snap the job up, read the brief while you try not to get spaghetti sauce on it, and set the alarm for 5:30 AM. A full day of blood, sweat, and tears later, and you deliver a deck of ideas or copy that you’re really proud of. Then sit back and wait for the praise. Or thanks. Or anything.?
And then days go by. And more days. So you send an email: “Hey, just checking in, how did that work go over?” And the reply of “oh sorry, haven’t had a chance to check it out yet” turns you into a 20ft green rage monster. Is there a reason for this ‘now we need it, now we don’t’ phenomenon? I did some digging.?
The biggest is the agency/client wanting to have the work just in case. Get a freelancer to crank it out quick, the work is then sat there ready to be handed over. There’s also lack of organization, clients changing dates on agencies, and a whole bunch of other unbelievable excuses I won’t list. But yeah, sounding the fire alarm on freelancers, that’s super fun. Keeps us on our toes and off our trolleys.?
9: BE TERRIBLE AT COMMUNICATING
I was going to write a big ol’ diatribe here, but instead, I’m going to add a feedback phrases list I’ve heard over the years. I wonder how many of these are something that sound familiar to you to? I know, they’re all so great right? Makes you feel alive inside.?
10: WELL, YOU TELL ME…
I thought I’d leave the tenth one open to all you fine freelance folks reading this. I had several contenders for this coveted final spot, but I’m humble enough to know you almost certainly have a better one.?
So hit me. What would you add? What makes you jump for joy as a freelancer? (And by that, you know I really mean jump in front of a speeding bullet train). Thanks for reading, and remember, when you’re feeling the pain, the majority of us are feeling it too. Onwards.?