10 Ways Leaders and People Can Develop Empathy

What is empathy? How do we practice it? How do we know that we or people around us are being empathetic? How do we need that empathy exists and thrives in our social circles and at work?

Not surprisingly, Empathy isn't just "one" thing. It is rather a wide range of emotions and experiences, which makes its definition and observation a bit challenging.

However, Empathy is generally described as the ability and awareness to understand and sense other people’s emotions and feelings, and the ability to imagine ourselves in their place and what someone else might be thinking or feeling. Empathy means that we can see ourselves feeling a similar experience as described by another person, even if we haven't gone or are not going through that experience.

It is generally accepted that Empathy comes in three forms:

• Affective empathy?is about understanding people's emotions and responding effectively and appropriately. It is an emotional connection with other people's feelings.
• Somatic empathy?is about the physical reaction as a response to what other people are experiencing and going through. It is not just emotional (with its physical implications), but the way your body responds.
• Cognitive empathy?is about understanding what other people may be thinking as they experience certain situation and the reflection that that understanding has in our thinking process. It is thinking about what other people are thinking.

Empathy is extremely powerful to build better and more meaningful relationships, which has a radical positive effect at work for the purposes of more effective cooperation and collaboration. Empathy also allows people to regulate their own emotions, which can create a healthier workplace grounded in love, kindness and understanding. Empathy also allows for the emergence of behaviors associated with help and support to others, which is more than positive when organizations are going through difficulties and adversities. Finally, Empathy helps reduce conflict. Please note that well-managed conflict generally results in positive outcomes, but if you can prevent it by being more empathetic, why wouldn't you do it?

All in all, a culture where empathy is practiced, celebrated and encouraged creates nothing short of wonderful miracles for each individual and in their relationship with others.

When leaders act with kindness they are able to connect not just intellectually through work, but also emotionally and mentally with their team members. Leaders who act empathetically in everything they do truly and genuinely understand people, care for them and, consequently, make better decisions. And, for the naysayers who think that empathy is fluffy and only works to make people feel better, but not to do better work, here it is: leaders who act more empathetically are better prepared to navigate complex challenges while building resilient teams and stronger organizational culture. In addition, research shows that empathy is essential to business success. For example, studies have shown that people would be willing to work longer hours for empathetic leaders and recommend that leader and the company to others.

Organizations that embrace, encourage, practice and celebrate empathy in their leaders have higher levels of employee engagement, satisfaction, a better workplace experience, high productivity, better performance and, consequently, deliver better overall financial results. A study by Harvard Business Review found that empathetic leaders have in themselves and their teams higher levels of performance and well-being, simultaneously!

For leaders, empathy means that they can see themselves feeling a similar experience as described by another person in the team, even if they haven't gone or are not going through that experience. That’s why empathy is extremely powerful to build better and more meaningful relationships, which has a radical positive effect at work for the purposes of more effective cooperation and collaboration. In addition, Empathy fosters the emergence of behaviors associated with help and support to others, which is more than positive when organizations are going through difficulties and adversities. No wonder why empathy is like magic and why it is important as a leaders’ superpower.

However, we know that many leaders (and people in general) have difficulties developing empathy. In part, this is because the stigma of empathy as softness, weakness, fluffiness or something else that only serves the purpose of making people feel better and not delivering business results. But, as we will see, empathy is not about being nice, or avoiding conflicts or not making tough decisions, which can lead to confusion. Empathy is a big umbrella and being assertive, facing and resolving conflict and making tough decisions can still be done while still being an empathetic leader. In this context, empathy would be about truly and genuinely understanding and caring for others, and responding to them in an effective and caring way. As a matter of fact, research shows that empathy leaders to better decision-making, conflict resolution and innovation.

These are some recommendations for leaders to develop their empathy superpower.

10 Ways to Develop Empathy

1 - Learn to Listen to Understand

Most people?listen?with the intent to respond, and not to understand. Test it in yourself: think about what you think about when you are listening to others and you will see. However, listening with the intent to understand is being fully present, physically, mentally and emotionally, when someone else is speaking. When leaders listen with the intent to understand they have a better chance to put themselves in their interlocutor’s shoes. Research shows that leaders who listen with the intent to understand rather than to respond are leaders whose teams are more engaged.

2 - Go for It: Seek Feedback

Leaders who actively seek feedback from their team members intentionally and purposefully are showing two things. The first, that they care about people say about them. The second is that they will act on that feedback to improve as a leader. Feedback helps people understand how their actions impact others. Actively seeking feedback sends a strong message to the team that translates in more empowerment and engagement. In fact, research shows that employees are more likely to stay in their organization for longer time when the leaders listen to their feedback.

3 - Be Very Curious

Asking relevant, mindful, thoughtful and genuine questions is one of the most powerful building blocks of empathy. Asking questions means that the leaders want to find out more and understand better. When leaders ask questions they are sending the message that they acknowledge that they don’t have all the information, and also that they value other people’s contribution. Leaders who are curious display high levels of emotional intelligence which, in turn, inspire and engage their teams.

4 - Embrace and Show Vulnerability

What better way to inspire others to be vulnerable and feel included than when the very leader is embracing and showing vulnerability about him, her or themselves? Leaders who show vulnerability by taking the risks to emotionally expose themselves to others create a strong environment of trust and safety. This is conductive to better communication, creativity, inclusion, belonging, collaboration and much more.

5 - Act with Kindness and Compassion

Kindness is about being compassionate, considerate and caring for other people without the expectation of getting something in return for it. When leaders act with kindness and compassion they actively use their talents, resources and leverage to improve other people’s lives by leading with authentic acts of love, generosity, compassion, care and, especially, service. Science shows that kindness is as positive for the recipient as it is for the giver and the observer. Thus, when leaders act with kindness and compassion, kindness is reinforced in them while others are inspired by it. Leaders who act with kindness and compassion create the conditions for higher levels of employee well-being and job engagement and satisfaction.

6 - Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is about being present in the moment and aware of thoughts, emotions, and sensations. Leaders who practice mindfulness can be more attentive and responsive to the needs of the team members.

7 - Regulate Emotions

Emotional regulation is an active and conscious act of managing one’s emotions and respond to the emotions of others in an effective way. Empathy requires emotional regulation and leaders who practice it are significantly more effective in managing conflicts, building relationships, and making decisions.

8 - Invest in Empathy

For some leaders, empathy can be a significantly difficult challenge to learn and embrace. In these cases, it is important for leaders to find ways to invest in empathy training programs or coaching.

9 - Practice gratitude

Gratitude is about being thankful and appreciative. One of the most powerful drivers of employee engagement is appreciation at work. Yet, most employees still report that their leaders do not show signs of gratitude on a consistent basis. For some leaders it requires a lot of effort to unlearning, learning and relearning to finally embrace the goodness and positive effects of gratitude.

10 - Celebrate and Reward Empathy

When leaders celebrate and reward empathy they are sending a strong message: that they care so much about it as to make it an actual cause of celebration. When empathy is celebrated, empathy is encouraged.

Operationalizing Empathy at Work

Empathy helps leaders become significantly more effective in their capacity to engage others and, thus, increase their satisfaction at work which impacts the way they deliver results. Empathy helps people build better relationships with each other, which results in higher trust and better opportunities for collaboration. And empathy makes organizations more competitive and financially successful.

Then how can we "operationalize" empathy? How can we make "empathy" happen at work?

Here is a list of ways in which you can operationalize empathy at work:

1. Being curious and asking thoughtful and meaningful questions to discover valuable information about others
2. Listening to understand what others are saying and not to respond with pre-conceived ideas or assumptions.
3. Trusting people and the stories they share.
4. Offering help, especially when people seem to be overwhelmed and not asking for help directly.
5. Promoting meaningful relationships at work
6. Embracing and role modeling vulnerability
7. Providing growth feedback (genuine feedback to help others grow professionally and personally)
8. Giving people flexibility to get work done in ways that make sense to them and still deliver results
9. Creating the conditions for autonomy as a way to empower people to make decisions
10. Celebrating achievements
11. Showing gratitude and appreciation, not just for "results" but also effort
12. Validating people's emotions without forcing positivity (forced positivity is toxic positivity)
13. Asking people what conditions make them feel safe to be their authentic selves at work
14. Being present
15. Respecting people's personal boundaries and encouraging them to establish those boundaries
16. Encouraging self-care to improve mental health and overall well-being
17. Showing compassion for people's out-of-work reality
18. Making people included in meetings and other team activities
19. Being transparent and helping people understand the rationale for decision-making (especially for tough decisions)
20. Connecting people with mentors, coaches and sponsors
21. Bringing people together to resolve conflict with empathy and kindness, rather than shying away from?it
22. Educating team members on how to collaborate effectively with respect and inclusion
23. Confronting disrespectful behaviors with transparency and immediacy
24. Encouraging people to be empathetic toward each other in their everyday, formal or informal, interactions at work
25. Inspiring people to practice empathy by role modeling all things that make empathy empathy

One More Thing About Empathy

Empathy creates the possibilities and allows us to see things from others' points of view, which in turn makes it easier to communicate and support in any way we can, as well to anticipate how they may respond to certain situations.

Empathy is NOT sympathy (although sympathy is important too). Sympathy is a closer to feeling of pity for someone else’s misfortunes.

But empathy refers to understanding what others feel and trying to see what a specific situation or experience looks like from their perspective.

The most important principle in EMPATHY is seeking to understand how other people feel. This requires open mindedness to acknowledge someone else's humanity and that their feelings are as valid as ours.

Empathy is not feeling sorry for someone or giving advice or trying to relate what we feel to what they feel.

The Road to Empathy

Empathy is an amazing superpower. But, because of confusion, misunderstanding and outright rejection of the science of the benefits of empathy, many leaders don’t even know how to be empathetic at work. And, just like training a physical muscle in our bodies, training for empathy will require going to the “gym” (the empathy gym) and strengthening the weak muscles.

The training includes listening, being open-minded, seeking feedback, celebrating empathy, and much more. And this training is essential. It’s not enough for a leader to attend an “empathy course” if there’s no practice. This would be like watching a video on how to get strong muscles but never lifting weights to make it happen.

The benefits of empathy for leaders are undeniable. Empathetic leaders build stronger relationships with their people, make better decisions (even when those decisions are tough), inspire and encourage more creativity and innovation, create a more positive work environment, foster inclusivity and belonging. And the impact of all this is not just in “making people feel better”, but also about increasing employee engagement and job satisfaction, which lead to higher productivity and better performance.

All in all, empathy is quite the superpower and, just as science and also people’s perception demonstrate, empathetic leaders create the right conditions for their teams and organizations to outperform those where empathy doesn’t exist.

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