10 Ways to Get Real

1. Re-evaluate your expectations of yourself and others

You know all those pictures you have in your head of how life should be and how people should behave? Throw them in the bin. Your unmet expectations are behind all the disappointments and frustrations in your life. More often than not, your expectations are completely unrealistic and impossible for anyone else to live up to. Most of the time you don't communicate those expectations to anyone so they don't know they're being assessed and rated based on their behaviour. It's a secret test that no-one knows they're taking. Expectations are the silent killer of your joy. Stay in the moment and experience who and what is in front of you right now. You have to accept 'what is' instead of obsessing about 'what isn't'. Holding onto a picture of how things should be keeps you stuck in a future where you're always waiting for that special moment to come, when it's actually happening right in front of you right now. Let those expectations go. You'll be happier, I promise.

2. Set clear boundaries

You are the most valuable asset in your life. You! Not your damn house or your car or your diamond ring or Breitling watch, but YOU! It's strange how you spend more money and time and energy protecting and defending those inanimate objects than you do yourself! How many times a week do you allow your psyche to be violated by images and TV shows and radio broadcasts and the endless drivel of social media? How often do you allow your emotional and mental states to get abused by bosses or colleagues or family members or a partner that does not value you? How often do you assault your own body with TV binging on the couch and drugs and toxic foods and poisonous alcohol? You can't be upset when people treat you badly if you can't be bothered to create and respect your own boundaries. Get clear on where your lines are, communicate them to everyone in your life and defend them with everything you've got. Be willing, at any moment, to walk away from any behaviour, person or event that does not add value to your life. If you are in any situation that is causing you to compromise yourself in any way then your boundaries have been breached and you need to wake up and take action.

3. Take risks

Stop playing it safe all the time, it's so boring. Go and do things that scare you and push yourself out of your comfort zones and do them as often as you can. What's the worst that could happen? You trip and land on your face and look like a complete twit in front of others? SO WHAT? Who cares if you look like an idiot or people laugh? You'll walk away being in touch with a bigger part of yourself as a result. You will have grown from the experience and learnt something about yourself that you didn't know the day before. And isn't that the point of being in this weird human existence? You're here to grow and evolve and shine and glow, not to sit like a small, stagnant, joyless, moss covered rock in the dark. Be the flame of transformation that shows others the way. And it might do you good to stop taking yourself so seriously. Everyone could do with more laughter in their life, so how fantastic if you're the one giving it to others!

4. Speak your truth.

You have to be honest in your communications, no matter how much it scares you or others. How else will people know how you feel and what you want? Stop withdrawing and resorting to passive-aggressive behaviour because you don't have the courage to speak your truth. How are you going to get results in your life if you're not honest about what you want? Are you staying silent because you're too scared of what other people's reactions are going to be? How is that workable? That's the greatest act of self-sabotage: smiling and waving and saying "I'm fine" while you're dying inside and lying to everyone around you. The truth is the blade that cuts through all the bullshit and if you're ready to start being real then you have to speak it loudly for all to hear. If others can't handle your truth then they shouldn't be in your life. Why are you surrounding yourself with people you feel you have to lie to every day? The truth will always come out in the end anyway so you might as well start there every time.

5. Put yourself first

If you had to draw up a list of the most important things in your life, where would you come on that list? I'm betting somewhere below your job, your partner, your kids, your parents, your bank account, your bond, your car and your pets. If you are not number 1 on that list then it's time to seriously re-evaluate your priorities. Because nothing else on that list is going to work unless you have the strength and energy to invest in them. Putting yourself first is not a selfish act, it's actually the greatest gift you can give to those around you. You cannot pour from an empty cup and if you're not fulfilled then everyone else in your life is just getting the scraps of you. Putting yourself first fills up your cup so there is an abundance of yourself to share with everyone else. Please stop saying yes when you really want to say no. Know your limitations and stop giving when you've got nothing left to give. If you don't fight for yourself, who will?

6. Be afraid and do it anyway

If you want to get real, then you have to finally face those parts of yourself that scare you the most. Those parts that you've spent a lifetime suppressing, just to make others happy. You've allowed other's judgements of you to mould you into such a small, limited version of yourself that you're barely able to cope with all of the events of your life in any kind of workable way. Playing it safe all the time is makes your life; bland and boring with no substance. You've let someone else's point of view about who they think you should be become your truth and it's not OK. Doing things that scare you will break you out of your carefully constructed act and put you in touch with the deeper aspects of yourself that are rich and profound. You are so much more powerful than the small point of view you have about yourself, but you'll only find that out once you break through that paralysing fear that is stopping you from living! Get your pickaxe and start chipping.

7. Teach people how to treat you

You can't get upset by the way people treat you if you're not doing anything to stop or correct them. People are not mind readers, they don't know what you want and will treat you the only way they know how. If you don't stop them, then they'll think that the way they are speaking or behaving is fine and will carry on. You have to say "Look, I don't like it when you do/say ......... so in future please can you rather do/ say ........". Most people will be completely unaware that the way they've been treating you isn't OK for you and they will usually try to rectify their behaviour. Use your voice and demand better treatment for yourself.

8. Keep your agreements

Seriously, don't mess this one up. It's really simple: do what you say you're going to do... when you say you're going to do it. It's that simple. Keeping your agreements makes you a being of honour, principal and integrity and someone who can always be trusted. If you're experiencing problems in your marriage or with your colleagues or with friends or family, chances are it's because you've broken agreements with them. You didn't keep that promise you made to treat them to a romantic dinner or help them with their paperwork or organise that get together or send that email you were promising. Every time you break an agreement, you break someone's trust with you. And trust can be a very hard thing to regain in any relationship. Don't ever promise to do something if you know you're not going to be able to commit. Be honest and only say yes when you really mean it. And if you say yes, then show up and follow through every time.

9. Stop being a victim

Boss being horrible to you? Partner snapping at you in the mornings? Kids being ungrateful? Horrible drivers driving up your ass on the highway? Shame, poor you. You really have to stop blaming everyone and everything else for the state state of your existence. You are 100% responsible for you in your own life? No-one is doing it to you, you're doing it to yourself. Start making choices that get workable results instead of focusing on the negatives all hours of the day. Set up a meeting with your boss and resolve the issue. Have an honest talk in your relationship about what's really going on. Chat with your children and give them another perspective to consider. Drive in the correct lane so you're not holding up traffic. Instead of obsessing about the problem and moaning about how unfair everyone is being, step into your power and start owning that you are the architect of your own life and can truly create it to be any way you want through your words and your actions. You can't control what happens out there but you can totally control how you choose to respond to it! Your life is only in the state that it's in because every day you are choosing to say and do things that are reaping the negative consequences you hate. Don't like your life? Make better choices and take full and total responsibility for every single one of them. Watch how quickly things change.

10. Stop asking for permission

Are you still in school asking the teacher for a hall pass? No? Then stop acting like it. No-one is the authority in your life except you! Do what you want. It's your life. Live it your way, follow your own rules, create your own intentions, have grand adventures, be wild, forge your own path, look how you want, express what is important for you. And if others don't like it, tough shit. Stop pandering. Are you here to live their life or yours? Go be a pathfinder and march to the beat of your own drum - it's a beautiful rhythm.

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