10 unwelcome similarities between flat hunting and dating in?London

A while back I wrote a blog all about “What I’ve learnt from my business life that also applies to my dating life” ??.

I followed it up 6 months later with a blog explaining why I was giving up on dating apps ??.

Both blogs turned out to be very popular and I received a raft of responses from people all around the world with their thoughts/advice on what I had written?—?trust me, it was very interesting ??.

For example, I got a letter ?? from one gentleman that started:

“I’m 73 years old and have been married to my darling wife for over 50 years so have therefore never used a dating app in my life; it was with this in mind that I read your blogs with great interest, and my conclusion is that…..You come across as incredibly desperate in business and in?romance”

He then wrote me 2 sides of A4 with his views on everything I had written ??.

Despite that I have not been deterred to share more about my dating experiences (much to the joy of my parents ??????); particularly the lows and the awkward situations that come about at dates like who should pay ??.

In fact, this year I have been very open about all my goals and sorting out my love life is right up there?—?to which I have had some great responses ??.

At the same time, I have started hunting for a flat to buy in central London ???—?that has been equal parts hilarious and soul-crushing ??.

Whilst progress against many of my goals has been going well, the two that are going the most slowly are the love life and the flat hunting ??.

One month in and I have viewed over 40 flats and been on 5 dates ??.

The closest I have got was finding a flat I liked that was bought by someone else before I could get a second viewing (see the picture above) and going on a 2nd date with someone who didn’t want a 3rd date ??.

Get to the juicy part of your blog?—?what have you learnt?

Ever the thinker, I took a step back and it dawned on me that there were a lot of similar lessons to take from these experiences and it is worth sharing them with anyone else who finds themself looking for love or for a place to buy [don’t mix that up thinking you should be buying love ??].

Here are my 10 lessons learned (the hard way) that apply to both:

1. Be clear on your must haves ? ??—?there is no point viewing a doer-upper if you know deep down this is not you; I am old enough by now to know my core tastes
2. But be open to some compromises ??—not every requirement you may have initially thought of is essential so really challenge some of the stuff that are in fact nice-to-haves
3. Don’t be fooled into viewing your life through a false prism ????—?you will be tempted to imagine that you will pursue a completely different lifestyle to fit the place that you have seen but the reality is that the life you will have in the short-to-medium term is the life you currently have
4. You’ll know if it’s a NO within the first 5 mins ?????—?if it don’t feel right then, it’s unlikely it will be alright further down the line
5. It’s more about the comfort you feel then the flash you see ?????—?it’s easy to be swept away by some fancy trapping (don’t get me wrong these are nice) but the real thing to look for is if you can sit there in silence with a smile on your face night after night
6. If there’s something there it’s worth a 2nd viewing…. but if you’ve seen it 3 times and are not making an offer then questions must be asked ??
7. If it’s a no, don’t ghost ???—?it’s just polite to follow up on properties you won’t be pursuing and let them know so as to remove any ambiguity
8. You snooze, you lose ???—?if it’s good there will be plenty of suitors so don’t hang around
9. Be prepared for the long haul ???—?success will rarely happen early on, your energy/frustration will ebb and flow so learn to enjoy the process as much as you can
10. Don’t fixate on the ones that got away or compare new viewings to previous places that you lived ??— this is unhealthy and will lead to little good

Bonus lesson: Some photographers are geniuses ???—?pretty much every time it won’t look exactly like the photos you were shown; occasionally the photos are a downright fabrication ??.

I guess the one key difference between flat hunting and dating is: That the property is viewing you at the same time when it comes to dating ??.

It’s useful to keep these lessons in mind because 3rd parties will want to interfere and it doesn’t matter how much an estate agent or a matchmaker lobbies you [and I have discovered that they can be persuasive] they are not the ones that will have to live with the choice you’ve made.

It certainly has been an interesting month and I have a feeling these lessons will come in useful as I anticipate both these goals might take a bit of time to crack?—?in both cases it’s better to get it right than to be rushed; these are big decisions after all ??.

Maybe I could try and combine the two though; take dates to view properties with me… ??

I’d love to know any ideas you might have that would help ??

As ever, follow me to see how the adventures pan out ??

Faris

Faris is the CEO and Founder of Shiageto Consulting, an innovative consultancy that helps firms and individuals sharpen their effectiveness. Connect with him here

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