10 Unprofessional Things to Do in the Professional World

As someone who recently moved to the East Coast – surviving the cold may be, by the way, my greatest accomplishment – I have noticed that people should do these 10 things, even though they're viewed as unprofessional:

1. Ask about people’s families, hobbies, and interests. You know, instead of this: “Your background is so impressive. I was really wondering about how you expanded from your Harvard law degree and went on to work with the government. Could you tell me a little about what activities you were a part of when you…” Stop. Right. There. Everyone does this. No one is going to remember you if you do it too. And also, honestly, do you really care?
2. Have one voice. Kids can tell when their parents are on the phone with Mommy or Daddy and when they’re calling their bosses. Don’t do this. Treat your bosses, your bosses’ bosses, and the President of the U.S. like they are real people. Joke with them. Talk to them casually. Get to know them. Treat everyone like they are humans first, and whatever breed of professional they are second.
3. Don’t plan your conversations. Talking 30% of the time and listening 70% of the time, watching every word you say, and figuring out how to get the conversation around to mentioning that you once met Hillary Clinton is contrived. And stupid. Talk about the things you would talk about if going to a bar and meeting a new friend for the first time. And if that happens to be mentioning you met Hillary Clinton, then take some time to seriously think about how interesting you are.
4. Don’t kiss up. Act like you know how special and successful you are. In 7 billion people, you’re the only you. If they don’t want to talk to you, you don’t want to talk to them. You can and should say, “Thank you.” You should not say, “Thank you for your time, because you are such an exceptional, talented person and you’ve really done such amazing things that we’re honored to…” Don’t be a sycophant. Praise only if you mean it.
5. Don’t kick down. Just because you think people are nobodies, doesn’t mean they are nobodies. I have been nice to a lot of random people who ended up connecting me to future jobs, agents, and friends. Be nice to waiters and security guards and everyone else you bump into. And be exactly as prompt and courteous when responding to people who want your help in their careers as you are when responding to people who are helping you in yours.
6. Smile. Because it’s free. And it may even make you happier. Being an angry, overconfident person doesn’t make you more successful, no matter what Margaret Thatcher or Donald Trump makes you think.
7. Don’t change who you are to make someone like you. This seems like obvious advice, but no one listens. Please, people. Stop covering your tattoos. Stop wearing makeup if you don’t want to. Stop wearing suits if you don’t want to wear suits. Stop changing your name to Jill because they can’t pronounce your real name. Stop pretending you actually know what sequestration is about if you don’t.
8. Have fun. For example, check my LinkedIn summary out. Then make yours a little more like it. It doesn’t have to be all fun (in my case, I’m not on the job prowl), but don’t make it five very boring paragraphs about all the places you’ve worn a tie to.
9. Be nice. As in don’t use people for what they can give you. Hug your friends. Email people if you said you would. Remember names if you can. Don’t spend your time hating people. Keep in touch.
10. Make friends. Not a network. My biggest problem in life is people who I’ve been there for time and time again who don’t email me or respond to my texts unless they want connections or a job. Don’t do that. Get to know people only if you like them, not because they are rich and famous and may employ you. I have been offered – did not ask for, but was offered – many positions in the past, when my friends were still looking for jobs. The reason? I didn’t ask for them. I didn’t talk to my potential employers, simply because they were potential employers.

In the end, if you want to be really successful, stop trying to be materially successful. Have fun, make mistakes, take chances. Oh and if you have time, link to me. I’ll probably accept. With a smile.

Isvari is a Global Law Scholar at Georgetown Law, has a B.A. in Political Science from UC Berkeley, has worked in astrophysics, particle physics, and politics, and composes pop music. Her book, The Eyes of Mikra, is about a female spy experiencing the horrors of war while battling amnesia, her conceptions of duty, and the illusions of morality. Available, like everything else in the world, on Amazon.