10 Tips for Managing Your Fear of Divorce
Karen Covy, Divorce Coach, Recovering Lawyer
Coaching High Net Worth Professionals to Make Tough Personal Decisions with Confidence & to Divorce w/Less Conflict & Unnecessary Expense | Best Friend to Overworked Divorce Attorneys| Legal Futurist & AI Enthusiast
Why is it that, even when you know what you should do, you don’t do it? You want to do it. You intend to do it. But at the same time, the very thought of doing the thing you know you should do (like, get a divorce) terrifies you. So you wait, turned into stone by your fear of divorce.
Meanwhile, you do nothing – except beat yourself up for being a miserable slug who just can’t seem to get it together.
If your fear of divorce is paralyzing you, you’re not alone.
Being Afraid to Get a Divorce is Normal
I get emails from people* every day who say things like:
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I used to think of my husband and I as partners. But several years ago he got laid off and he hasn’t gone back to work since. I work upwards of 60 hours a week. I love my job, but I never thought I’d be the sole support of the family! Sure, my husband helps with the kids more now, and he brings in a little cash from handyman jobs. But he’s not even trying to get a job anymore.?Meanwhile, I’m exhausted! I know I should give him an ultimatum. But I’m afraid that if we get a divorce my kids will hate me AND I’ll have to pay him alimony! What should I do?
Or,
I’ve been married for 20+ years. My wife and I haven’t been intimate for as long as I can remember. (Translation: it’s been years.) All my wife does is criticize me. We never go anywhere or do anything together. We don’t even talk much anymore. I know I should get a divorce, but what if I leave my wife and then never find anyone to be with again? And what if she turns the kids against me?
Or,
My husband and I have been separated for the past two years. He said he is in not in love with me anymore and now lives with another woman. My husband has been giving me money to help me pay the bills, but now he says he can’t do it anymore and wants a divorce. I can’t live on what I make. I’m hoping that he will change his mind and come back to me. I don’t want a divorce. Help!
For better or for worse, these fears (and many, many more!) are totally normal. The bigger question, of course, is how do you manage these fears so that they don't paralyze you or eat you alive? ...
I help families make data driven financial decisions during life crises like divorce and death. | Founder of Wealth Analytics and Divorce Analytics. ??
1 年These are fantastic tips! Thanks for sharing!??
Seattle family law attorney (Fair Play Facilitator), Mom/Step-Mom of 6 - Transforming families through divorce, estate planning and pre-nuptials. Leadership, data, marketing, law firm consulting are my other passions.
1 年Information is power. Whatever you do, make sure your divorce lawyer is educating you, not only about the divorce process but also about how to be successful after divorce emotionally and financially. If you are a parent, that education should include copious resources about how to be a supportive co-parent for the benefit of your children.
MA Family Law Attorney, Owner at Farias Family Law
1 年The comments are heartbreaking, but there is life on the other side of divorce, and having the right professionals on your side can make the process so much easier and less daunting.
Associate at Gebler Tooth Architects BA (hons) FRSA
1 年I'm sure I'll be birched for even thinking this. But I wonder if we should sometimes think more on why we are getting married in the first place; then having to spend all our time trying to get out..
Breakup and Divorce Coach
1 年Getting an understanding of what the divorce process involves and how to navigate it before enagaging in the process is such sound advice. A great list of Tips! Thanks for sharing.