10 Tips on How To Network Without Being Annoying

As a former CMO-turned professor, I am now being connected with more young people. I’ve found, however, that there is a wide variance in the effectiveness with which people attempt to network. On one end of the spectrum is the individual who is respectful of your time, is organized and prepared for the conversation and who follows up on advice given. On the other end of the spectrum is the person who comes back for more and more time, is disorganized and unprepared for conversations, and who drops the ball only to reappear six months later with another request.

Given the importance of learning how to network effectively, I thought I’d offer 10 suggestions?for?how to do so without aggravating the individual with whom you are asking a favor (see here for more insight on how to navigate the networking event).

10 Networking Rules for How to Effectively Engage with a Potential Connection

1. Be aware of the gift you are receiving: For many successful people, their time can be worth well over $1000 per hour. So, if you are seeking a 30-minute conversation, that is essentially worth hundreds of dollars of the potential connection’s time that they could have spent consulting, working, or with their family. Understand that this is a precious gift they are providing and treat it as such.

2. Don’t wear out your welcome: When I coach students on networking do’s and don’ts, I typically suggest to ask and plan for no more than a 30-minute conversation and to expect only one interaction. You only get one bite at the apple and so it is your responsibility to make the most of a single conversation. In some cases, the advice-giver will offer ongoing help, but that is their prerogative to give and shouldn’t be expected.

3. Do your homework: Have you looked up the individual on LinkedIn? And Googled them? And checked out their Twitter posts (thanks @BKneuer)? Who is in their network? What specific advice could this individual best provide? I recently had a Berkeley student reach out through LinkedIn and ask to connect live. In this short email, he specifically mentioned a Forbes article I had written that he felt was beneficial. In three sentences, he communicated that he knew who I was and that he knew how I could help him. This signalled that any live interaction I might have with him would be productive. Doing your homework helps ensure you get the most out of the interaction but it also helps you position the interaction in a way such that the advice-giver feels they can effectively help you. Nobody wants to waste their time.

4. Have an agenda: Relatedly, what specifically do you want from the connection? In other words, what is the objective of the conversation? What do you hope to accomplish? And what are the 3-6 questions that you plan to ask during the conversation to help you accomplish your goals? By having an agenda and plan, you have a better chance of maximizing value out of the 30-minute conversation (while also sending a signal to the connection that you are “on-the-ball”). While you’ll want to be flexible based on how the conversation evolves, it is best to have a plan because it is your job to lead the conversation.

5. “Focus on additional connections…”: A friend once told me: “every networking interaction should be focused on identifying additional connections”. By making the expansion of your network a key goal in every interaction, you will grow your network and not need to go back for more bites at the apple from prior connections.

6. "… and not asking for a job”: The second part of the friend's advice was to refrain from asking?for a job or an interview during a networking conversation. You don’t want to make a conversation onerous or uncomfortable. Instead, ask if they know anybody in the industry who might be looking for somebody with your qualifications. I once had a student from my alma mater ask to connect live. She wanted advice on how to go about searching for interesting internship opportunities. She was so organized and smart in the questions she asked that I offered her a summer internship on the spot. She didn’t ask for a summer internship nor had I planned on having a summer intern. However, the way in which she managed the call and the conversation convinced me that she was a go-getter, organized, smart, strategic, etc. What more could you ask for?

7. Follow-through: Follow-through immediately on any advice provided. I’ve had a few occasions where I tried to connect individuals only to have the individual I’m helping drop the ball. If you ask for help—and get it—make sure to follow-through.

8. Follow-up and close the loop: As often as possible, follow-up with the person who helped you and let them know that you followed-through on their advice. This essentially helps you close the loop by ensuring they know that you followed up on their advice or connected live with somebody they referred you to.

9. Demonstrate gratitude: This relates back to point #1. If the gift you are receiving is worth hundreds of dollars of somebody’s time and the advice is arguably invaluable, how can you best demonstrate your gratitude? Some people act as if they are entitled to this gift without demonstrating an understanding of the cost incurred by the giver. They take the individual’s time and don’t follow-up with even a thank-you. Always follow-up with a personal thank-you.

When I interview CMOs for Forbes articles or research, I tend to start every conversation with: “I know your time is extremely valuable and so I want to be as respectful as possible. I’ll get right to the point …Are you comfortable with that?” Almost without fail, the CMO has said thank-you for not wasting their time. As a former CMO, many networking-related conversations tended to start with 10+ minutes of jibber-jabber. While I understand this, most executives tend to be ok with pointed, efficient, and productive conversations that hold small-talk to a minimum. Having said that, I always follow the lead of the person doing me a favor. If they want to chit-chat, I’m fine doing that. If they don’t, I’m fine with that as well. Regardless, I start by demonstrating a respect for the value of their time.

10. The person asking for a favor must accommodate the other person's schedule. This should be obvious but it often is not. I've had individuals ask for a favor and then give me one 30-minute block when they are available. When I ask for the favor of somebody else's time, I will often say that I will do my best to accommodate their schedule, including talking during drive time to and from work, at nights, or on weekends if that is easier. This sends a quick signal that I'm willing to be flexible.

Nobody who is successful made it without mentors, a strong network, advice, and coaching from others. When you are young, you take more than you give. The responsibility in the last half of your life is to give more than you take. The quid-pro-quo of networking takes a lifetime to achieve.

Finally, a few years ago, I was talking with a college friend and he shared a story about his boss. His boss' networking philosophy?was that you enter into every interaction looking for an opportunity to help the other person--to connect people, open doors, or provide insight on a relevant topic. Many people view networking as a distasteful activity designed to get ahead. When my friend framed networking in this light, it shifted my view on the topic. If it's about helping others, then it isn't quite as repugnant. Even younger people can do this. I was having coffee with one of our?Darden MBA students; she told me about a prospective student who has helped the Darden MBA student connect with individuals at a target employer. In return, the Darden MBA student is providing advice on how to get into a top MBA program. When networking becomes an activity designed to help others and share your network, influence, and experience, it becomes much easier to approach, engage, and network successfully.