10 Tips for Caregivers
According to an AARP Public Policy article, nearly 1 in 5 Americans are caregivers for a loved one. And the number of caregivers is increasing. This is a challenging burden to take on. If you are one of these people, this article will provide some hints and tips to make things easier. All relationships are different. I am focusing here on 2 adults who are both fully able to make their own decisions. When children or adults who are not legally able to make their own decisions are involved the circumstances are more complex. This meant to be a general overview, not a comprehensive guide.
The first five tips will relate to how to help your loved one. The last five will relate to how to care for yourself:
1)?????Ask them how you can be helpful.
If you ask them what they want you to do, and they do not want your help, take the cue from them. Don’t be afraid to ask the question again in a week or a month, but trust them. One of the most precious things people lose during a protracted illness is autonomy. And it is a terrible feeling to lose it. Try to help them preserve as much autonomy as possible.
2)?????Help them (and yourself) stay organized.
If you are naturally organized, then this is a slam dunk. Clearly that does not describe all of us. When navigating changes in health, papers can pile up. ?And the house can become less and less organized. If they need help filing paperwork, and you are both amenable to it, you may REALLY make their day with your assistance. If that is uncomfortable, consider hiring a professional organizer to help them catch up and take off some of the burden.
3)?????Accompany them to appointments when appropriate.
Visits to the doctor’s office can be stressful. It is not uncommon for patients hearing bad news to get tunnel vision. Their mind starts to race, and they cannot listen attentively to what the provider is saying. If you are available to be a comforting influence, it can be immensely helpful. If you are the panicky one in the family, and there is someone available who is calm, consider delegating medical visits to them and assisting where your strengths lie. If you have permission from your loved one, then ask questions of the provider if he or she cannot.
4)?????Keep notes.
As a primary care provider, my favorite patients are the organized ones. When dealing with difficult diagnoses, these people march into the hospital or clinic bearing a binder with notes on treatments received, what has worked, what hasn’t etc. Here are some things to encourage your loved one to keep track of (or to track for them):
·???????Medications taken
·???????Treatments
·???????Symptoms from the condition and when they tend to occur
·???????Copies of lab results
·???????Side effects from medications
·???????Medical history (what surgeries have they had, what medical procedures, what were the results)
·???????Family medical history: What medical problems have their family members had (Parents, Siblings, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents). Sometimes filling this out in the doctor’s office can be challenging, it is easy to forget about an important family medical condition that might change the kinds of tests your provider prescribes.
5)?????Help them brainstorm questions before appointments.
Set aside time to write down questions before you go to appointments. This can be done in person or over the phone. In general, if a provider is suggesting a treatment for you, you have the right to informed consent. That means you need to be able to understand key points about the treatments that are done. The things that your provider should tell you about treatments you are considering together are as follows:
·???????What condition you have.
·???????What treatment they recommend.
·???????What benefit they expect you to get out of the recommended treatment.
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·???????What the alternatives are to the treatment they are recommending.
·???????What the benefits and risk of those treatments are.
·???????What to expect if you do nothing about your condition.
There are of course other questions you or your loved one may want to ask. But this gives you a general framework to start with.
Caring for yourself:
1)?????Get plenty of sleep.
Aim for 7-9 hours per night. If you are having a difficult time getting that amount of sleep, read about “Sleep Hygiene”. The National Sleep Foundation has a phenomenal website that provides a great deal of actionable information to help you get a better night’s sleep.
2)?????Take breaks each day
Schedule time for yourself to do something that you enjoy. If your loved one is totally capable of caring for themselves while you step out for some “me time” then go for it. If you feel like you need someone else there with them, then arrange for another member of the family to sit with them for a while. Chronic illnesses wax and wane, so how much they need you may change over time. Adjust your routine as needed.
3)?????Get exercise.
Exercise is a key part of keeping a functioning immune system and is good for the whole body (and mind). This doesn’t need to be complicated. And if you are going through a particularly tough period, it may not meet all the requirements of recommended physical activity. But something as simple as getting out of the house to go for a 10-15 minute walk can help you return feeling refreshed and clear headed. Trust me, this is better for you and your loved one.
4)?????Get help when you need it.
We all have varying levels of access to help. This varies based on income, health insurance coverage, and your social circle. It also varies depending on the challenges you or your loved one are dealing with. But here are some ideas to mull around:
-Does your loved one need nursing care or other healthcare professionals to come to the home?
-Is the mental load of what you are dealing with taxing enough to require you to enlist the services of a professional counselor? When in doubt, my advice is to lean in the direction of getting a counselor. If you start to see someone and decide you don’t really need it, or it doesn’t seem to be helpful, you can always discontinue services. But in many cases, having an understanding person to talk to can make all the difference.
5)?????Eat regular meals and drink enough fluids.
People who are caring for a loved one sometimes neglect their own needs. It will be very difficult for you to be there for your loved one if you are not well fed and hydrated. A dehydrated person with low blood sugar is also much more likely to verbally snap at their loved one and say something that they will later come to regret than someone who insures they have eaten.
Are you caring for a loved one? What are your favorite tips to make it easier?
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