10 Things to know about Foster Care

Stability & Matching. This is arguably one of the most crucial areas in fostering, when we match the right carer with the child early we will have provided a child a home and a family to belong to. Think about the importance of that when matching, in the moments when you are enquiring, searching and looking for those fundamental placements, remember you are giving a child a place to call home. Challenge placement choice if you think decisions are being made that are not in the best interest of the child, if we get it right here the life chances we give children will be magnanimous.

Communication with Children. Always speak to children about what is happening to them, where they are going to be living and what made you come to your decision for that child. Of course you have to be mindful as to the content of what you communicate to children, but make sure to be genuine, open and caring. Listening to children and responding with warmth and help them understand what you are trying to say. You may feel that young people don't listen to you now, but they will always hear your messages in times of need and when you least expect it, so make sure you communicate love and care.

Cultural Change. Every time a child moves placement it is a cultural change but on a small and intense scale, just like when we visit other countries we indulge in a new set of norms, diverse culture and explore individuality. Its the same in placement moves, children have to adapt to a new set of rules, norms and values of a home and be expected to behave in a way that is suitable in that home. We see this when children ask for a glass of water, they become so confused to what is a norm that they worry about simple things like wether it would be ok to just go and help themselves to a glass out of the cupboard. Make sure you introduce rules of your home don't lay them out on the table, allow children to openly explore your home and if they do something you feel is not inline with your culture, communicate with them to explore that behaviour in a safe and non judgmental way. Children need to feel free to express themselves and make mistakes without fear of retribution, you can empower them to become adaptable, resilient in change and holistically minded people though how you communicate.

Support Groups. Sometimes you can feel quite alone and isolated as a foster carer, especially if you stay at home all day in the summer to take care of the children during the holiday periods. Make sure you attend fostering support groups, meet new people and share stories of your children, you will soon feel like you are not alone and you will meet some new friends. Remember that sharing stories from people who relate to our situations can make a huge difference to the way we feel about things, so for once please stop being the advice giver and go listen and learn from others about what they think.

Birth Children. Fostering changes your family dynamic forever, lets not beat around the bush with that one. You have to revaluate your whole structure and family live, seeking the advice and opinions and loved ones about your decision to foster, don't forget about your children. Your children can be an amazing support for the foster children that live with you, they will become their friends and family and offer a level of organic and natural support. Keep checking in with your own children, sometimes we can loose our focus when meeting the needs of some children in our care. Your children love you and respect you for what you are doing.

Little Things, Big Difference. If you think about most children coming in to care, they are always effected with separation and loss and the subsequent psychological impact this has. Losing your parents, home and known support structure as a child is the biggest thing to lose, without doubt. Foster parents cant just give this back to children because it wont be accepted, so starting small will make a big impact to building those positive relationships. Do things that let the child know you are thinking about them, notice if they have a favourite food and cook this once a week, surprise them to cinema tickets to a film you know they will like, ask them if they want to invite a friend over, all of these things show you are thinking about them and sometimes its the small acts that make a big difference.

Attachment. The ‘A’ word, we always speak about it, we are constantly talking about how important it is and quite righty so because it can be the most powerful thing in a child’s life. Focusing on building attachments with children is so much more than what our theorists tell us, being a stable person for a child to will allow them to express themselves and feel safe doing so. What is more important is if you can be a friend to the child, friends are a useful way to look at your relationship, we all care about our friends, form appreciate boundaries and don't judge them based on their actions alone, we understand who they are and love them for their individuality. We should be doing the same with the children we are caring for.

Delegated Authority. Did you know that your local authority or fostering agency have to have a policy about delegated authority? If they don't then no panic you can find all the information you need on the Fostering Networks website, check out a summary of their report here: Like everyone else: summary report of the delegated authority project. Delegated authority refers to foster carers being able to make the every day decisions for the children in their care, from staying at friends over night, to getting a child’s hair cut.

Birthdays, Christmas and other Celebrations. As you know these times are family occasions were everyone gets together to celebrate, for children in care this can bring up painful memories and remind them of things not too pleasant. Be mindful at these times to communicate with young people, ask them how they want to spend their birthdays, allow them the space and opportunity to choose openly about these occasions. When it comes to Christmas especially make sure they feel equal to your children, their is nothing harder when you feel like you are a imposter on someone’s festive season. Treat them like you would your own children and they will grow up feeling worthy and loved.