10 Things to Stop in 2022

Anytime I start something new (a year, a business, a self-improvement plan), I like to list out the things I need to stop doing. This is just a general assessment of the things that are holding me back. These become guiding principles of a sort or filters for how I live my life.

As a change agent and turnaround expert, I can tell you this: the quality of your systems ultimately determines whether you succeed or fail at a goal or endeavor. Even the best strategies will fail if we heap them on top of a flawed system.?

I know, I know. Strategy is sexy. Beginnings are enticing. Systems are boring.

But fundamentals are the building blocks of fun. If we build the right system or foundation, we’ll increase our odds of being successful.

Here’s my list of things I recommend we all stop in 2022:

1. Telling people how busy we are.

Hustle culture is real, but it’s also obnoxious. We can assume that everyone is busy. Let’s stop saying it, putting it in emails and treating people like garbage because we’re over-scheduled. If you don’t want to meet with someone, just say it. Nobody needs a dissertation on how busy and important you are.

Also, be careful what your habits and systems say about you. You may be unintentionally broadcasting an unflattering picture.

I once reached out to a recruiter who had posted two CEO roles on a private network. Based on the job descriptions, I was qualified for both roles. I sent an email to the her and heard crickets. About a week later, I sent a private message. Again, crickets.

The private network we both belong to is renowned for being supportive and responsive, and I was dismayed that the recruiter didn’t respond. Our community allows us to designate in our profile whether or not we’re open to people contacting us. Her profile indicated she was, so I wasn’t breaching any sort of privacy or contact preferences.

So, I reached out to our membership director to see if she could arrange an introduction. She came through, and I was pointed to the recruiter’s assistant to schedule a time to chat. Like a lot of folks, the recruiter uses Calendly. I received a link to set an appointment. Imagine my dismay when I learned there were no open appointment times for two months! Needless to say, I gave up.

The recruiter – likely unwittingly – was telling me and everyone else that we just weren’t important to her. Her crushing schedule was just too packed. Now, every time I see her name, I equate her brand with disrespect, poor relationship building and an inability to manage her schedule. ?Would you hire or recommend that recruiter?

2. Oversheduling.

This thing where we’re scheduled every minute of every day…it’s not sustainable or healthy. It’s ok to look at our calendars and simply say “no” or “not that day/time.” Ignore your inner FOMO and treat your schedule like your most important asset. Be strategic about your energy and save your most energetic times for things that matter most.

Depending on your company’s culture, this may be a tough change to implement. When I first started at HGTV years ago, my schedule was packed with back-to-back meetings every day. I quickly learned that very few of these meetings were necessary. Most people shared the same assessment, but few spoke up or stopped attending for fear of political repercussions.

I was not afraid to say no, and I explicitly told my team I had their backs to do the same. They were free to decline unnecessary meetings. The best use of our days is a combination of heads up and heads down work. Overscheduling is why people return emails at all hours of the night. Stop the madness!

3. Expecting a gold star for suffering.

Let’s all stop judging others by our own willingness to suffer. “Well, I work nights and weekends, so you should too.” This is a recipe for being the worst boss ever. I speak from experience.

Healthy challenge is good for growth, but needless suffering for a job is the definition of misery. Nobody likes a martyr.

4. Asking people what they do for a living as a conversation starter.

In 2022, challenge yourself to become a better conversationalist and more genuine connector.

Upon meeting someone new, there are infinitely better things to ask him/her than what do you do for a living?

I stopped asking this question as a conversation starter years ago. It’s a personal challenge that forces me to get to know someone as a human rather than a job title. I’ve found that eliminating the mandatory occupation talk usually leads to more meaningful conversations. I ask better questions, and I really listen to the answers. That's what creates meaningful conversational cadence.

People tell me about their kids, passions and the things they truly love. So often, I hear, “I haven’t told anyone about that in years.” That’s a dynamite basis for genuine connection.

If someone’s occupation comes up naturally in conversation, that’s great. But it won’t be because I asked. As a natural introvert, I had to work hard at learning how to make small talk. It used to cause me significant anxiety. Now, I have a menu of questions I can ask, depending on the context:

How did you get involved with XYZ organization?

How has your week been?

Have you lived in the area for awhile? Did you grow up here?

(If it’s close to summer) Any big vacations planned?

(If it’s close to the holidays) Any special holiday plans?

5. Equating our jobs with our worth.

Closely related to #4…you are not what you do for a living. That’s only one part of your life.

Think back to who you were when you were a kid, before you had a job and responsibilities. What brought you joy? What made you laugh uncontrollably? What made you brave? That’s who you are.

6. Letting perfect get in the way of better.

Perfection is a trap that prevents us from living our best life. We get so wrapped up in the idea of it that we forget to look for opportunities to improve incrementally. That’s where the real strides are made.

When you’re always chasing perfection, you forget how to celebrate your wins. You stop enjoying the journey. I know I did.

For decades, I was chasing this notion of a perfect me. I was perpetually dissatisfied because I was never going to achieve perfect. It was a self-imposed scam, one that made me miss a lot of the important things in life.

7. Being all work and no play.

People who are married to their job are boring. Trust me, I used to be incredibly boring when I was a workaholic. I stopped reading, exercising, enjoying art and spending time in nature. Every fiber of my being was dedicated to my job.

These days, I’m lighter. I don’t deny myself fun and whimsy. I have interests that have nothing to do with my work. Oddly, this makes me better at my job because I can think more expansively.

8. Taking an all or nothing approach to life.

This is closely related to the perfectionist trap, and it shows up in the workplace all the time. Here’s a timely example: either we’re all working in the office or we’re all working from home. What’s wrong with this statement is that it doesn’t consider the nuances and complexities of the business. Some people may need to work in the office. Some people’s jobs will make them good candidates to work from home.

Life is not a zero-sum game, although some people certainly insist on approaching it that way. Those people are miserable, and they never achieve true collaboration or partnership with others. ?

As leaders, we’re being paid for the quality of our thinking. All or nothing thinking is not especially high quality. This messy world requires us to be thoughtful, agile and more creative than that.

9. Taking up less space.

A lot of us have been taught not to shine because it makes others uncomfortable. I recently spoke with a friend who was denied a promotion because her boss told her it would upset one of her peers. Meanwhile, my friend is the star performer on the team, and her boss admits she deserves the promotion.

Through his lame ass explanation, my friend’s boss is telling her not to take up the space she has earned in the world. He’s telling her that he’s willing to hide her accomplishments to make a mediocre white man feel less mediocre.

My friend has a choice. She can continue to take up less space than she deserves in an environment that doesn’t appreciate her, or she can leave and find a place where she’s valued for being excellent.

In this new year, I encourage you to speak up and take up as much space as you need. If that means you need a change of scenery, so be it. Shine on.

10. Apologizing.

We do a lot of needless apologizing. We women are especially prone to this habit. I’ve written so many emails in my life that start with this phrase: sorry for my delay in responding to you. Or I’ve started a sentence like this: sorry, but…________. ?What usually follows that “but” is a statement that needs to be said and will undoubtedly ruffle feathers.

When we utter the word sorry, we’re usually apologizing for taking up space in the universe. It’s part of our conditioning, and we need to unlearn it. Look around. Most men don’t spend their days apologizing. It’s a completely sane and rational way to live.

Next time you take some time to get back to someone, try this phrase: thanks for being patient. And when you need to ruffle feathers, just say it. Ruffle away. Some people will take your feedback in its intended professional spirit. Others won’t. That’s on them. Don’t take on their baggage and emotions.

Save apologizing for when you’re truly in the wrong and want someone else to know it.