When Balancing Act Of A Daughter & Founder Failed

Past 55 days have been the toughest of my life, as I saw my papa gasping for breath tucked in a hospital bed. Before the second wave, 'being stressed' had a different meaning but recently turning into a caregiver has been a different ball-game altogether.

As papa fought every single minute in the ICU, I was going through a plethora of emotions sitting outside for hours. Everyday was the same sight - shortage of beds and people scrambling to get admitted, overworked frontline workers, at least one deceased body passing by every hour and corridors filled with tears of loss.

It was a nerve wracking experience, but I have learnt so much about myself and life -

1. Medication vs Mindset : Combating this pandemic was 30% medications and 70% mindset. Papa had given up mentally and hospital psychosis added to his turmoil. Keeping our own fears aside, as a family we kept reminding him of everything that inspires him in life. We kept family photos, his office diary and comforting home items at hospital bedside. Positivity is the only option, even for the medicines to be effective

2. Let your fears propel you forward : I had countless panic attacks. I was first-hand witnessing the grave hospital situation and it was natural for me to fear the worst. I was scared. My high functioning anxiety and fear propelled me every morning to execute a progress plan for papa. To take things in my hand. From several video consultations to tracking his blood reports everyday, making diet charts and aligning things with doctors, challenging my anxiety back was the only option. I couldnt have let it slow me down

3. Create an ecosystem of people : Asking for help doesn't come naturally to humans. We would rather burnout than show our vulnerabilities and weakness. Key thing I have learnt from running a startup is that it takes a village to succeed. I applied it here as well. I identified close friends who wouldnt be at risk, and created an eco-system to help me cope with errands. You cant do everything by yourself

4. Dont understimate the power of gratitude : Initial days, I was filled with anger and kept thinking, "why did this happen to us?" Two weeks in, I met a 24 year old girl at the ICU. Her parents and brother were admitted. She was calm and simply said its the test of her patience. I failed to look at the positives. We all our fighting our own battles, and its important to appreciate everything that is indeed going right. Today papa's recovery isnt the best but I am thankful he made it back home

5. Taking your own time to respond is not selfishness : I was filled with best wishes and concerns from many but everyone had a common remark, 'How is papa, hope he is getting better.' Even if one thing goes right, 100 go wrong in the same day and you just dont know how to respond. I initially felt guilty because I know everyone means well but its taxing and pressurizing. Its absolutely fine to take your time. Selfcare is not selfish

6. Employee Care is underrated : I have always been surprised at papa's 30+ years of dedicated service to IOCL. This experience taught me why. We couldnt have done it without their support. IOCL Chairman, Mr Shrikant Vaidya personally got involved to activate a robust HR network who constantly helped to follow up and arrange resources as per request. Employee care starts from top to bottom and yet many organisations underrate it. Caring is a two way street

7. Founders are humans too : MindPeers business was at peak. I was supposed to start our new fund raising round 2 months back. My team needed me the most as the demand surged. My inability to focus and give time to work contributed to my anxiety and fear of failing. I had never taken break from my startup work like this. But I had no choice. I had to prioritise my health to take care of everything else and I learnt that work can wait. Surviving till end of the marathon is more important than getting out in the middle

8. Psychological Breakdown vs Psychological Breakthrough : I came across Academy of Ideas on Youtube and learnt that when humans are in crisis, their mind can go in either direction. We can let the worst get hold of us leading to a breakdown or we can find new reasons to fight and determine to change the odds into a breakthrough. Choice is ours

9. Learn In and Out of Control : If you thrive on plans and having things in control, then I am sure you'll also relate to how it feels when it doesnt go as planned. Lot of things in these past months were out of my control. I often tell myself that had I known how the trajectory of this new Covid variant behaves, papa wouldnt have to suffer so much. But in reality, it was new for everyone and papa's declining oxygen saturation was out of my control. Its easy to get worried about everything but its important to distinguish between what's truly in our control

10. One day at a time : There is lot to be angry about in this second wave, but it was a good teacher of unpredictability and acceptance of human mortality. You can never truly plan for tomorrow but come what may, you can live it one day at a time. I overwhelmed myself with so many what ifs. But taking it one day at a time, helped to tackle the present without worrying about the future.

P.S. I am still processing a lot of emotions from this experience and would be running a safe space along with a psychologist. Individuals who are interested in sharing and venting out your own experiences, I welcome you with an open heart. Please DM :)