10 Things I Learnt from my Wife's Cancer Diagnosis

In Jan 2021, at the height of the pandemic, my wife was diagnosed with a rare cancer called PMP (Pseudomyxoma Peritonei).

Jax had 7 organs removed in what's known in the medical community as ‘The Mother of All Surgeries,’ a gruelling 8.5 hour operation.

Thankfully the amazing team at The Christie in Manchester worked wonders. She starts 2022 cancer free.

Whilst you're here - I’m cycling 600 miles in 6 days from Leeds to Copenhagen to raise funds for clinical research into PMP you can sponsor me here: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/oliver-beckett

And see my route here.

1. You’re more resilient and tougher than you imagine

Being told Jax had cancer is the worst day of my life. There were very few emotions to start with, just numbness. Jax was strong and pragmatic, “we know what it is, let’s get it out.” The journey was all consuming and never leaves your mind (even when not thinking about it, it was still at the back of my mind draining my battery). With plenty of talking and a couple of minor meltdowns we leant on each other and have come out the other side stronger.

2. Ask for help

I had counselling sessions through our EAP to help process events. Drink plenty of tea and chat to colleagues, here at Stowe Family Law we have Mental Health Champions who were amazing. I also dropped in to the wonderful Maggies Centre in Manchester and within 2 mins was chatting to a counsellor, cup of tea in hand.

3. Everyone's different.

Jax Googled PMP once and didn't look again - too scary. I read every scientific paper, journal, podcast and watched a similar surgery online. If you’re researching, ask yourself, is this constructive? Is it helping or adding to the stress and anxiety?

4. Buy yourself time before telling people.

The superstars at the Maggies Centre described a diagnosis as throwing a stone into a pond; you’re at the centre, but ripples are felt throughout friends and family. No one wants to take this journey, but your family and close friends are on it as well. It's difficult receiving results without time to process them and then calling family with a prognosis. If possible I was non-specific about appt times to give me space to process emotions & key messages before telling others.

5. Keep your humour

It cant be all doom & gloom. We joked about my man-crush on her surgeon. We joked that I'd get his name tattooed on me. "OB4PS."

We joked about a trip I took to the toilet whilst waiting for Jax's scan results, I flushed the toilet & caught the emergency cord in my sleeve & a team of nurses and doctors ran in. Sometimes you need to keep it light and laugh together.

6. You can’t make everything alright

When Jax was sick, my 1st reaction was to reassure & try to make it all better. I’d feel helpless because I couldn’t 'fix' it. Sometimes simple tasks like shopping, cooking or walking the dog can be a huge support to make things easier and help. Just ask how you can help.

7. Put your lifejacket on first

To be the best support for someone you need to take care of yourself. It’s not selfish to take time for yourself, go for that bike ride or yoga class, whatever clears your head because you need to look after yourself so you can then help others.

8. Make sure support groups are helpful

I joined a network specific to PMP on Facebook, their experiences are invaluable but sometimes scary/heartbreaking. Every journey is so different depending on many factors, so ask questions of your own doctors or surgeon, who can relate it to you and your diagnosis.

9. The NHS are amazing but..

NHS staff are incredible, particularly The Christie. One of the few times Jax was upset was simply around forwarding scan results from 1 hospital to the Christie, delaying her diagnosis. NHS care is incredible despite their systems, not because of them.

10. This story has a happy ending

We started 2021 with a cancer diagnosis, we ended 2021 without cancer and a few more grey hairs, but it’s brought us closer together. I’m in constant awe of her strength and resilience, as well as her super-healing powers of recovery.

So, please support me at this Just Giving link , to fund research into finding a cure for this horrible cancer. I’d be hugely appreciative.

I'm also asking businesses to sponsor me in return for their logo on my cycling shirt and some publicity, please message me if you're interested in helping this amazing cause.

You can read my full itinerary here - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rSsB4Frhndm1hA4sdQL1RpJrxii348Zi/view?usp=sharing